Any top tips for your DC starting secondary school?

[Joyfulincolour]

Following on from the useful thread re DC starting in reception, I just wondered if you had good advice for starting secondary school?

Make sure they have a coat. So many parents seem to think a blazer works as a coat

I think most parents want them to wear a coat but most kids will not. I'd say don't buy a coat for school unless they ask for one. If they do ask it will probably be for a specific make, so don't waste your money until you know.

Definitely have multiple copies of their timetable and take a photo of it on your and their phone.

Most importantly let them know they can talk to you. It's a dramatic change and some of the stuff that goes on is quite shocking. Practise your 'I'm not shocked at all face' so that they'll keep talking to you. 😬

Label every fucking item of clothing - pe kit, uniform, tie, school bag, coat. Calculator, pencil case.

I can't tell you how much stuff finds its way to our lost property room - thousands of pounds worth when you think 'decent' ie trendy trainers cost over £100. None of it labelled and kids just can't be arsed to look properly when stuff gets lost. The number of parents who ring up to say 'boys pe kit in a JD bag' and are astounded that it can't be distinguished from the dozens of yellow carriers....

still suffering from the after effects of the end of year lost property sortout

A zippy/fastener plastic wallet in their bag to put loose sheets/homework sheets in.

A little pack of tissues and some loose change in their bag.

There will probably be a parent log in for Show My Homework /Epraise/ClassCharts or whatever your school uses. Make sure you have it (or use your son/daughter’s log in) so you can keep an eye on timetable, homework, merits etc. Some year 7s struggle with being organised and need help at the start.

Pens! Endless supplies of pens! Having their own glue stick also speeds things up in class.

Photograph/ photocopy the timetable.

Teach them about sensible use of social media (if you choose to let them use it) and what to do if they’re receiving messages/added to a group they don’t want to be in/ how to be kind... so much of the school day is spent sorting these squabbles/things out.

Know their form tutor’s email and use it if there’s anything you’re concerned about or think school should know. My form are about to go in to year 11 now but I remember some of the mums in year seven saying they felt quite cut off because they didn’t see one teacher on a regular basis like they did in primary. The form tutor is that link, or at least it is where I am - I feel like I know ‘my’ families really well now.

Practise the journey.

Talk through what they will do if the unexpected happens, e.g. the bus doesn’t turn up, they leave their bag on the train, they get their period at school (spare things in bag?) etc. These are the things that can feel catastrophic in those first months if they don’t have a plan B.

Well yes they get wet, but they don’t wear them at all. Not in my city.

Mine won't wear a coat. But to be fair, who would over a shirt, jumper and blazer?
Yes yes yes to reception style exhaustion. Naps and stroppy were de rigeur. Pretty much still are...
Yes yes yes to hungry.
Whatever shoes, bag, skirt they start with, they may want to swap when they see what others have. They aren't being gits, they want to assimilate.
The biggest one for me: want a cwtch? No!!!! Try and kiss them... ugh!! How was your day? WHY?? Mine goes through Kevin phases and gorgeous phases within a 15 minute time period. Love you mummy... Oh my GOD!!!! I put my clothes in my room ALREADY. And repeat.

Teach them about sensible use of social media (if you choose to let them use it) and what to do if they’re receiving messages/added to a group they don’t want to be in/ how to be kind... so much of the school day is spent sorting these squabbles/things out

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This

AndMyBirdCanSing actually yes i do! Maybe it doesn't rain so much in other places, so a coat isn't as essential...

Y Y to the planner/timetable being at public document at home. And expect to have to do LOTS of reminders for the first few years weeks.

A sturdy bag (a backpack/rucksack works well) because they'll have lots more books and have to go to lots of different classrooms each day. It's one of the biggest differences from primary school. And this is usually the chief worry for a new Yr 7 - getting from classroom A to classroom B.

If you have an opportunity to hire a locker or similar, do it. They'll be able to store things like a PE kit there. And a change of clothes (for when they refuse to take a coat and get soaking). Splash out on a decent, sturdy padlock and get one with a code, not a key (which they will instantly lose).

Be prepared that they'll make friends you've never heard of with parents you'll never meet. The loss of control is startling.

If they're going to make the journey alone, as well as practising this (recommended above), also (if you've never done it before) start introducing small independencies over the summer.... Trips to the park or local shops alone is a good start.

Expect them to be hopeless and get it wrong!

Find out what the rules are for mobile phones. DS’s school is very strict, the phone must be off at all times on school property unless permission is given by a teacher in a lesson. Phone will be confiscated if found on.
Other schools are more lenient

Find out how strict the school actually is about uniform rather than what they say if possible (ask current families). Stops you buying stuff the kids swear is acceptable only to find out it's not (I'm looking at you the $150 trainers that I bought that weren't at least 80% white.......)

Find out how strict the school actually is about uniform rather than what they say if possible (ask current families). Stops you buying stuff the kids swear is acceptable only to find out it's not (I'm looking at you the $150 trainers that I bought that weren't at least 80% white.......)

It can be the other way round as well. Our secondary issues regular newsletters/letters/emails about black trainers not being allowed and how they must wear a proper black shoe. The reality is most of the kids wear black leather trainers. The teachers don't actually do or say anything about them. The first pair of Year 7 proper shoes were soon replaced with trainers.

Tie management tips!

If they wear a tie, get them to take it off as they come through the front door, roll it round their hand and shove in a particular blazer pocket EVERY time....before they hang the blazer up. Always hang blazer up on dedicated hanger on their door.....no other way. They quickly adapt to this as all their pens, headphones, detritus fall out if they don't.

Buy a couple of extra ties as spares (or get secondhand/hand-me-downs). Seal one of the spares in a small sandwich bag and store in a little used pocket of their school bag for emergencies. Other in a drawer at home that only you know about, or it will have 'walked' when needed.

This method got 2 otherwise disorganised boys through secondary without tie sanations. Detentions for everything else, yes, but morning tie stress was covered!

Still check for anything which needs to be signed - permission slips, planners. Places are often limited on secondary school trips so they tend to go to those who are organised enough to get the slip back on time.

Remind them that teachers often have to be a bit fierce at the start to establish rules; they need resilience about any early sanctions for forgetting kit/homework etc. Better to accept a sanction with good grace and learn from it than to make a fuss - especially if they drag you into it. It’s not personal, teacher don’t ‘hate’ them- they just need to lay down ground rules early.

At dcs school there was a jumper on uniform list for boys and girls. For some reason only the girls wore it, so find out if there are any idiosyncrasies like that.

Also year 7 is hard on previous friendships. Some love the idea of finding new friends and old friends can be left behind and can get hurt. They are also going from being big fish in little ponds to tiny fishes in a big sea. Some dc want to scramble their way back to the top and tread on their old friends on the way

PE Kit tips

Agree with pp, two sets of the basic PE top and shorts. Also much larger, stronger PE bag than they think they need. Once kit and PE hoodie goes in, trainers , plus maybe boots and shin pads for after school football club, one of those flimsy nylon drawstring bags will be struggling to stay shut and stuff starts falling out on the bus or under the desk, never to be seen again. And plastic bag in it for muddy trainers/boots.

For girls, always have a couple of spare sets of plain socks in the bag. If they forget/lose their sports socks, boys can just use their normal school socks, but tights don't work as well for PE , need more spares in the bag.

Timetable, letters from school:

Photograph as soon as they arrive. If DC are allowed to use phones at school, tell them to photograph as soon as they are handed out and share them with you straightaway......some bits of paper never even make it home. Set up a WhatApp group with you and the DC just for letters and school docs so they are all in one place.

Encourage them to go to clubs even if their old friends aren't going in the first few weeks as that is where they will meet their tribe, expect clubs to be passe by half term.

Mine all seem more inspired by secondary school, the pace, the content and only having unpleasant teachers for a couple of hours a week all helped to keep it fresh.

Please try and realise that just because every teacher doesn't know your child thoroughly by week 3 it doesn't mean they don't care/are bad teachers. I teach 200 children per week, around 130 of whom I see once per week for an hour. I try my very best to get to know them all as quickly as possible but it definitely takes a while - the reality is that a primary teacher spends more time with a class in less than 2 weeks than I do in an entire year.

My DC is at a paperless school so slips do not come home they are emailed to me, make sure you have the discussion each night about whether they want to do whatever it is and then email/print the slip to return it to school.
Homework right from year 7 I have established the live by your own decisions if you fail to do your homework or do it poorly you have to live with the consequences and I will support the school no matter what those consequences are. As a result now dc is going in to year 11 homework is completed to a good standard with out my involvement.

Teach them your phone number. Actually teach them so they can recite it. Yes they will have their own phone and the office will have it but there are occasionally times when a teacher might need to contact you eg on a school trip.

Most schools have a no trainer rule, as PP have said this can vary a lot between schools. A rule of thumb, 'can you polish them?' generally shoes can be polished trainers can't and some school actually have the 'polish' rule.

Most schools don't allow facial piercing and nail varnish. In reality we don't notice if the nails are pale and the piercing is silicone. If your child does have a nose stud they should be prepared to take it out but I'm going to notice that huge glittery piercing before I do a clear silicone.

Can they tell the time? I know it is taught in primary but lots of teens think 12.50 is half past 12. They use their phones as watches but classroom clocks all have hands.

This is a great thread, just what I need thank you!

There are no lockers in any of the secondary schools round here! They have to lug their stuff about all day.

Teach them your phone number. Actually teach them so they can recite it

Totally agree with this.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned protractors - I don't know what my ds did with them, but I kept spares as they were always getting broken.

Lots of great advice here but I'd like to offer do not go into school with them on the first day. It's very embarrassing for them.

To add

Make sure they know to write their name and surname on work. Not just "Josh."

Make sure you have a good supply of printer ink and paper at home.

If they get a locker have some spare keys cut.