The truth about having a second child

[bebeboeuf]

A lighthearted thread to see if the main consensus is that the addition of a second child to the family is a blessing or if anyone has found it to be harder than expected.

We are at a crossroads where life is working out ok with one and don’t want to rock it too much but worry about the future and if the worst was to happen our child being left alone

All of you with two under 5 - it is horrendous. I’m just out the other side with two boys (aged 5 and 7) and feel like I’m just returning from war they fight like cat and dog still but they love each other and are great companions to each other - hang in there... it does get better ( and in the meantime - wine )

7 months in with second DC. We debated long and hard over whether to count our blessings and stick with one. Left it many years until we went for it. So very happy we did. Our new baby has added another dimension to our household. Always so calm and happy, am absolute joy to have around.

Well, it's a lot harder than having just 1. DC2 is now 4, there is a 3.5yr age gap. I don't regret it though. Sometimes they are lovely together, and sometimes they argue and shout and really annoy each other on purpose. It is hard to balance the needs of each of them and to referee their arguments, hard to find time for each of them seperately within my work/ life balance. But it was worth it, and I hope they would agree. I think they would, because they keep asking me for a baby brother or sister, and I point out to DC1 that I already got her one We don't intend to have anymore though. I have heard several people say that if you had your second child first you wouldn't have a second child, and I agree. DC2 was an unputdownable velcro baby, didn't sleep through the night until she turned 4 (still doesn't always but is better), is argumentative and bossy now.

Fantastic for us. First year with small age gap (22 months) hard, then about 8 years of easier time as children played together, then grew apart a bit in preteens and now love/hate/fun in teen years. Great for them to have someone to bounce off. Two feels the right number for me, did want a third but never quite the right time and now very glad stuck with two. Disclaimer: both relatively easy babies (didn't feel it but in comparison to hearing about others).

Two is wonderful. 3 is even better but much busier.

I've also found it much harder than expected, with a 3 year age gap. I found my first very easy (and she wasn't an easy baby), and took to motherhood surprisingly well. Really didn't think adding another would be much harder, but the tiredness is a killer (DD2 has just turned one and has never slept well), as is the guilt (feeling like I'm not spending enough time with DD1, and that I'm not spending as much time with DD2 as I did with DD1), as is the relentless laundry and cleaning food from the floor, and I'm finding never ever having time to myself quite tough.

That being said, when I see the two girls playing together my heart explodes!

I found the 1st very hard and unintentionally no 2 was born 20 months later (took years ttc no 1 and did not expect to get pregnant again).

When no 2 came along I found him easier but having to deal with both bloody hard work. Neither slept. We didn't really sleep for 5 years.

Things are much better now. Kids are 6 and 4. They adore each other and play as a pair ALL the time. It's very cute.

I'm an only child myself and the dynamic is so totally different to when I was a child. And in the most positive of ways.

Except that it's been so expensive (but not double the cost)

@Fred578 YES! I have 2 Ds's who are now 4 and 7 and yes, it does feel like returning from war!

I actually found newborn and 3 year old ok, it was when you reach a crawling 1 year old who has no concept of anything really and combine it with a rapidly maturing 4 year old who has very specific play requests that it became difficult. I think with a 3 year age gap the bit with a 1 and 4 year old and 2 and 5 year old is just a total nightmare! It all started to come together when they were 3 and 6.

Like lots of PP the first year was HARD. No2 was an easy baby but a bad sleeper.
No regrets now and I feel like our family is complete.

We only have a 2bed place and it's fine with them sharing. I think they quite like it.

I think it depends on how much spare/child free time you get with one. I got very little (stay at home mum) so one to two changed very little for me. However got people who get more free time because their partner looks after the one and vice versa you may find you both end up with less me time once you have two as you divide and conquer the children. I’ve recently ish had our third and again I’ve not found it hugely different to two - beyond the fact that you are an adult pair of hands short but we seem to be managing.
However - the sleep is hell as it seems the chances of getting all three children to sleep for a decent stretch simultaneously are close to zero. And thirty fingernails and thirty toe nails to cut are a pita 😂

We have a 6y gap between our two and it has been fairly straightforward. DD is our oldest and didn't sleep through until nearly 3yo, so at least she was sleeping, using the toilet and fairly independent at 6 when I had DS. Plus with DD being at school all day, I was home alone with DS which felt a bit like only having a singleton.

The downsides is that they argue. DS is 4yo and at that annoying stage, DD is 10yo and doesn't want her stuff touched etc. They also currently share a room as the 3rd bedroom is DH's office. This will need to change ASAP too. They can get on beautifully though and I think it will only get better as they get older. I've got quite a bit of my time back again, childcare is much cheaper and am about to go back to work too.

We have it east with one,do not want to start again with another.

Big blessing!

DD will be 2.5 when this baby arrives, so I am glad to see most people saying it's ok!!

As for bedrooms as someone asked, we have two bedrooms and no intentions of moving anytime soon so then will share!

I’ve found the jump from one to two much harder than I expected.

Snap, which actually really surprised me. I don’t think it was helped by DC1 who is sooo easy, sensible, compliant, can sit for ages & draw etc. Great sleeper, eater, only 1 or 2 tantrums etc. Our life with one didn’t seem a huge change.
Then DC2 arrived 2.5 yrs later & boy he is a handful. Awful sleeper, tantrums that are off the scale, so stubborn & finds it fun to cheat death. It feels our lives have tipped more into children dominating everything if that makes sense. However DC2 is so much fun & I pull my hair out & laugh in equal measure. Why is it a struggle going to 3?

Blessing. Without a doubt. One of my better decisions

DC is one of the easy ones which is why I think I’m so worried about going for number 2.
It could be a real shock to the system.

Either way the responses here have really helped and I’m having my coil removed to see what hopefully happens

Ah, this made tears spring to my eyes. What a lovely post x

I don't know how you all do it!! I am in the midst of horrendous PND with my first, and he will have to be an only child as I could not cope with another 😭😭

A blessing but more than double the work. I felt very torn between two children and a busy job. I think it is those who find 2 a doddle that go into have 3 and for those like me who find it hard stop.

My challenges were compounded by lockdown though as during that period I had a 1 and 3 year old and it was carnage. I found it hard until the little one was 2.