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Original poster

The truth about having a second child

95 replies

bebeboeuf · 29/07/2019 17:57

A lighthearted thread to see if the main consensus is that the addition of a second child to the family is a blessing or if anyone has found it to be harder than expected.

We are at a crossroads where life is working out ok with one and don’t want to rock it too much but worry about the future and if the worst was to happen our child being left alone

OP posts:

YouJustDoYou · 29/07/2019 18:40

Had three in close age. Fuckoff hard the first few years. Luckily they (mostly) get on, so it's awesome now. They all sleep together, play together, fight and make up together. They have the closeness I never had, and I'm grateful.

DoingItForTheKids · 29/07/2019 18:43

3 year old and 8 week old over here. Having my first felt catastrophic, adding a second has been a breeze (if my first born would just stop bloody touching him ALL the time it would be perfect! 😂). I had PND with my first though so having good mental health this time makes it so much easier.

Got a good, chilled baby though. If he was a nightmare I'm sure it would be a totally different story!

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 29/07/2019 18:43

I'll grant you the nigh-constant bickering between my DD (7) and DS (5) is infuriating, but it's more than compensated for by the amazingness that is DS. He's the sweetest, funniest, most adorable little boy imaginable.

I was on the fence about having a second even while in labour with him, but the moment they put him in my arms I thought "oh, hello, it's you. I've been waiting for you and I didn't even realise it."

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mumbunforever · 29/07/2019 18:44

I have a four month old and four year old and it's hard going I won't lie the sleepless nights with baby made worse by having to be in the ball with the four year old and a few other things, my four year old is in a great routine as well but still we are finding it hard. Think it was made worse by people telling us the jump from 1 to 2 kids isn't too bad

There a moments were the four year old entertains the four month old and I think 'naaaaaww' but there are also moments of 'what the hell is life!'

The first year with a new baby is tough anyway so I'm hoping things will get easier

Indecisivelurcher · 29/07/2019 18:44

I do think it's a lot harder. Disproportionately so. Mine are currently 2yrs2m and 4yrs9m. I feel like we're just emerging from the hectic baby /toddler stage to a point where I'm hoping it gets a bit easier. Particularly as my eldest will start school, and I'll get time to actually parent my 2nd! They play together really well. I really feel for parents of 2 where they don't get along... I've got a couple of friends whose kids the same age as mine really fight. But that seems to be the exception rather than the norm.

farmlotto · 29/07/2019 18:45

The 2nd child is usually Satan. First one was easy, second one doesn't let me sit down for 2 seconds and is ALWAYs upto no good!

Don't do it it's a trap

Nonnymum · 29/07/2019 18:45

A healthy, child is always a blessing but that doesn't mean it isn't hard work. It's very hard giving them all equal attention. And even harder when they constantly fight over nothing even though they also love and stick up for each other.
Do I regret having more than one child. No of course not, but it's not easy and ultimately you just have to do what feels right for you and your family.

fernsfordays · 29/07/2019 18:45

Loved it!!! So much easier the second time around.

BigmouseLittlehouse · 29/07/2019 18:46

Definitely a blessing for me - 2nd was ( luckily) a very easy going, happy child. I was in a much better place mentally so really enjoyed him. Him and his brother get on so well - his brother has ADHD and is challenging so balancing their needs can be a strain sometimes ( more that he is so easy going I need to be careful to give him the attention too). Weirdly I found having two made me a much more relaxed mother as well.

But I also think having a second was one of the reasons my marriage broke up ( well and ex having an affair). I think possibly because the focus became more the DC? Or there was less time and more stress. But I suspect that is only the case where there are already cracks. And it isn’t even necessarily a bad thing.

mumbunforever · 29/07/2019 18:46

Loads of spelling mistakes there

Just wanted to add that we do feel like two children will be our limit and we feel very lucky to have two lovely kids!

Minai · 29/07/2019 18:47

I only have 18 months between my 2. The youngest is 7 months. It is hard but he is an absolute blessing, we adore him and are so glad we have him. It may have been easier if we’d waited another year or 2 but then we wouldn’t have ds2 and he is wonderful.

notacooldad · 29/07/2019 18:49

Best thing ever.
DS2 is currently making me toast and a brew. I'm not not sure where DS1 is though ive not seen him for a few days!

CoodleMoodle · 29/07/2019 18:49

I've got a 4 year gap. It was hard going at first because of the sleep deprivation, but when DD started school it got easier. Now DD is 5 and DS is 1, and some days it's really hard, especially because DS can't walk without holding hands, or crawl very well. It also makes big trips out for DD quite difficult, fitting in DS' nap and everything.

But for the most part it's lovely. I love the way they are together, their faces light up when they see one another. DD is like another Mum to DS, and he watches every move she makes.

They both drive me batty but I don't regret a second of it. Our family was already complete with DD, and DS has been an extra joy.

ParkheadParadise · 29/07/2019 18:50

I have a 23year age gap between my Dd's.
Felt like a first time mum again with dd2😃😃

NannaNoodleman · 29/07/2019 18:50

Blessing!

They spent hours playing together today while I did a load of chores.

PrimeraVez · 29/07/2019 18:55

Wow, I’m quite surprised by how positive everyone is! We have a 13 month old and a 3.5 year old (both boys) I find it really hard. They are both absolutely gorgeous and funny and kind and it’s a complete privilege to watch them grow up BUT it’s fucking relentless. All I seem to do is wipe bums, pick up toys, stop the eldest smacking his brother round the head with a toy fire engine.. I know it will all be worth it in a few years when they’re older and better at playing together but right now I’m finding it so tough.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 29/07/2019 19:00

The stage you're at is really hard, @PrimeraVez, so I don't blame you at all for feeling like that, but it gets easier as they get older. They do become quite good little playmates for each other. The other morning mine spent a happy hour building Lego together while I stayed in bed with a cup of coffee - it was like a miracle!

I'm told it gets harder again once puberty hits, mind...

CoodleMoodle · 29/07/2019 19:00

Oh, but the washing! DD was quite a clean baby (after we sorted her CMPA) and hated getting dirty as a toddler. Even now her clothes are usually fine by the end of the day, including most of her school uniform.

But DS. He manages to generate a fuckton more washing, I really don't know how he does it! Especially considering he doesn't really move by himself. He's a properly grubby little boy, and it's a mixture of really sweet and endlessly frustrating. I seem to do twice the amount I did when it was just the 3 of us.

avocadoincident · 29/07/2019 19:02

Did everyone on here have a child in a bedroom if their own. We will have two children next March but only a two bedroom house.

I know we will have the baby in our room for 6 months and then there are bunk bed options but I wondered how everyone gets to sleep when sharing?

ThanksItHasPockets · 29/07/2019 19:02

An absolute joy. A five year age gap, so slightly larger than average. We’ve gone back to the beginning in terms of nappies, baby proofing etc but we have been spared the very intense early years of a small age gap. DC1 was a poor sleeper and I had a very rough time with birth injuries but DC2 is a laid-back dream and I had a very calm, straightforward ELCS which exorcised a lot of demons from first time around.

We are, however, very much done and our family is complete. I know several women who have never quite felt finished with having babies and have only stopped when they were forced to by practical matters of fertility and finances. I am glad that I have been spared that.

Mummoomoocow · 29/07/2019 19:04

@PrimeraVez finally a sensible bloody post!

Original poster

bebeboeuf · 29/07/2019 19:04

@farmlotto that’s more of what I was expecting here

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Original poster

bebeboeuf · 29/07/2019 19:05

@avocadoincident - if we go down the route of having a second they will share as we have a 2 bed and really don’t want to change it

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WalkAwaySugarbear · 29/07/2019 19:06

Blessing for us. Both of my girls are amazing and are the best of friends despite a 4.5yr gap. DD1 would have been fine as an only but DD2 has added an extra fun dimension to our family. She's an absolute joy.

Original poster

bebeboeuf · 29/07/2019 19:06

@CoodleMoodle I do struggle to keep up with the washing for just the one!
He’s so clean in general but a massive sweaty mess by evening and sweats heavily through the night so everything gets washed more often than I’d like

I guess maybe standards could drop with a second?

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