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Original poster

My 4 year old just threw a tantrum over food as I put food in the oven

86 replies

WhiteCatRedCollar · 29/07/2019 11:18

Been up since 6am. She’s just 4 so technically her first school holidays.

She ate at 6am. I’ve been offering snacks (fruit, toast, crumpets) at regular intervals since she finished breakfast. Never accepted.

Then just as I’m putting food in the oven “Now I want a banana, I’m really hungry”. Told her she can wait until after she’d eaten (we have our main meal at lunchtime and a smaller meal of sandwiches etc at about 3pm before bed at 6.30 – it just works for us). Cue her throwing herself on the floor screaming she’s starving and I never give her food. She keeps trying to get her step stool thing to reach the fruit bowl in the kitchen but I keep stopping her.

Thank the lord I’m working tomorrow and she’s still in childcare 3 days a week until the week before she starts school (her private Nursery changes it’s preschool to “holiday club” for those going off to school in September for the 6 weeks)

How’s your summer going?

OP posts:

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 29/07/2019 12:05

Why did you keep offering food after breakfast? Weird

Maybe the child genuinely wasn’t hungry yet mummy kept trying to feed her (not sure why?) and now she’s hungry probably due to mummy trying to push food on her all morning and now you say she can’t have it.

Christ just give the dc the banana and tomorrow she will tell you if she wants food, no need to keep offering it....

cocomelon23 · 29/07/2019 12:06

She eats her last meal of the day at 3pm? Does she not wake up starving in the early hours of the morning?

Shinygoldbauble · 29/07/2019 12:07

What did she eat for breakfast?

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4 year olds Childcare & nursery

Lovemenorca · 29/07/2019 12:07

* (we have our main meal at lunchtime and a smaller meal of sandwiches etc at about 3pm before bed at 6.30 – it just works for us)*

Perhaps times to take stock as doesn’t seem to be working for your daughter

RaggeddeeAnn · 29/07/2019 12:11

You brought that tantrum on yourself. Should have let her have the banana. A piece of fruit five hours after breakfast is a healthy thing to be hungry for. So what that you just put food in the oven, it’s still going to add variety to her diet even if she eats less of the meal than if she had skipped the banana.
I agree too that it does not make sense to offer snacks all morning and then tell her no when she does make a reasonable request. It is just about power and control at that point.

RaggeddeeAnn · 29/07/2019 12:12

Bed at 6:30 is very very early. You are lucky she sleeps in until 6am.

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 29/07/2019 12:14

If I gave ds 5 his last meal at 3.30pm I think he'd pack a bag and go to his Nanas house😂

LemonTreeLemon · 29/07/2019 12:15

When my DD was that age, 3 things caused tantrums
Hunger, boredom and tiredness.

If I made sure none of these 3 things got too bad, we had a relatively easy time.

She's obviously over hungry. So why did you say no to a banana? You were asking for trouble if you ask me.

ParadiseLaundry · 29/07/2019 12:35

I've just had something similar with my 3.5 yo. He wanted some biscuits and I was about to make lunch!

I have to say, if he'd asked for a banana I would have given it to him without hesitation.

thaegumathteth · 29/07/2019 12:41

So does she have to fit all her food into a 9 hour window?

notso · 29/07/2019 12:48

Think about the mixed messages though. You say you have been offering her food all morning then when she asks for something you say no. To a 4 year old that just doesn’t make sense!

Exactly. She's not old enough to think I might as well wait for lunch. She's hungry now.

AdalindMeisner · 29/07/2019 12:49

Even if I am cooking food, if my children say they are hungry then they can have a piece of fruit. I wouldn't allow biscuits etc before a meal but fruit and veg I dont mind. (obviously if dinner was only couple of minute or so then they would be told to wait but 20 mins + then as I say they can have fruit or veg).

99mTc · 29/07/2019 12:50

I wouldn't be happy if my DC asked for a banana right before a meal, it would fill them up and they wouldn't eat what I've cooked, which really annoys me. So I make sure they have a snack about 1.5 hours before a meal. Works well.

Enko · 29/07/2019 13:15

Wow I am surprised by how many of you would give her the banana. 1 its teaching the child she can demand and get her way after she was told no. And 2 did you miss the bit where the OP said she was still trying to get to the fruit bowl after she had been told no? Unless dinner is 45 mins to 1 hour away I think OP did the right thing.

SaxxedtotheMax · 29/07/2019 13:17

Give her the banana & a smaller lunch.

youarenotkiddingme · 29/07/2019 13:22

I wouldn't be constantly offering a 4 yo snacks in between meals. She's old enough to ask for herself if she's hungry.

Like she did!

Then you can just offer a small amount of something (1/2 a banana) until after dinner.

Why such a fuss encouraging her to eat when she's not hungry and then refusing when she is

CarolDanvers · 29/07/2019 13:31

Personally I think it's teaching her she can only eat if OP says so, even if she's hungry and I think that's a pretty good way to sow the seeds for future food issues.

Enko · 29/07/2019 13:37

@WhiteCatRedCollar
Personally I think it is teaching her when mum says wait x time then its dinner time that's what happens. It is in my opinion also the way forward to not create picky eaters who only will eat what they feel like as it is readily available and they don't have to eat the boring stuff.

There is a time and a place for choice and teaching a 4 year old dinner will be in (say) 20 mins and she had to wait until then is a good positive relationship with food. Not constant snacking when you feel like it.

Jinglejanglefish · 29/07/2019 13:39

I know it's not the point of the thread but I can't get my head around the timings of your day. It's like your running an hour or two before everyone else! I've never heard of someone having their last meal at 3pm, even those who also do ridiculously early bedtimes.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 29/07/2019 13:41

@ ChihuahuaMummy1 : DGS does this when refused chocolate, and he won't be 2 until next month

notso · 29/07/2019 13:49

Jinglejanglefish agreed!

Original poster

WhiteCatRedCollar · 29/07/2019 14:11

Meal times are:

6/7am Breakfast
9-11am Snack (I don't allow snacks after 11.30am unless exceptional circumstances)
12/1pmish Lunch
2-3pm Snack (Again no snacks after 3pm unless exceptional)
4-4.30pm Tea/Dinner

She ate all her food which was served about 20 minutes after I wrote this and has had her banana for pudding. I don't allow snacks in the hour before food as otherwise she doesn't eat her meal, she won't ask for food so has to be offered, she's the same at Nursery if she's not asked if she wants/told where it is, she'll just ignore it and keep playing.

She's a good weight, a little on the short side height wise but otherwise healthy. If I don't stop her eating after 4.30pm she doesn't sleep.

We have to be up at 6am on Nursery days due to work.

I consider this her first school holidays as I've cut my hours to spend time with her and she's not in fulltime childcare anymore.

OP posts:

Enko · 29/07/2019 15:45

Sounds like a sensible set up op. Pleased she ate and all is calm at your house again

Crunchymum · 29/07/2019 16:09

you sound very rigid OP?

What are these "exceptional circumstances" you talk of?

Original poster

WhiteCatRedCollar · 29/07/2019 16:13

What are these "exceptional circumstances" you talk of?

We're out and didn't have lunch at the time we were supposed, she's at a party where food has been provided so just wants a snack instead etc.

OP posts:

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