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Original poster

I've accidentally really hurt my friends feelings

63 replies

charlie1511 · 28/07/2019 08:15

It was my birthday last night and I had a meal at a restaurant. I booked a table for 20 and sent in preorders for 14 people. There was one person who didn't send there order and two who were coming late and not eating. The other three cancelled late.

When I arrived the restaurant had reduced the table to 14 despite me telling them that 17 were coming. They said they only made bookings based on the preorders and they were pretty shirty about it. I was late to the restaurant and was really flustered and stressed so we managed to find an extra seat for the one who was eating, 15.

I then text my friend who wasn't coming till later with his friend and asked if we could meet them in the pub after since we were planning to go there anyway. I was under the impression he was already there, with his friend, after attending a wedding or still at the wedding. He replied saying yeah that's fine no need to apologise take your time etc. He popped into the restaurant later on (2 doors down from pub) to give me the present that they had all chipped in on which I had no idea about then we went to the pub maybe half hour after.

Everything seemed fine but when I left I text him later to say thanks for everything he started asking why he couldn't come to the restaurant did I not want him there and he was really put out and pissed off. I apologised profusely but he's not accepting any of it. I feel terrible! I'm closer with him than most of the people who were there and I honestly thought that because him and his friend weren't eating that it would just be easier to meet them after with the shortage of space.

I've been up all night worrying and I don't know what to say to put it right

OP posts:
CatsDolls · 28/07/2019 08:18

Just tell him what happened!

Why should the restaurant provide a seat for someone who is not going to be eating there? Hmm

Tink1990 · 28/07/2019 08:20

I would give him a call and explain. So much easier and clearer than text. I'm sure it will be fixed with your friend Smile

MarthasGinYard · 28/07/2019 08:22

Just tell him exactly what happened at the restaurant and that you weren't best pleased about it either.

If he's a good friend he will realise that what he has said is slightly ridiculous

AJPTaylor · 28/07/2019 08:25

You can't really book a seat in a restaurant,let alone 2 or 3 on a Saturday night in the summer and not eat. Just say that. Not your choice and not a reflection on your friendship.

Todaythiscouldbe · 28/07/2019 08:25

Tell him what happened. Why would a restaurant reserve a table for 20 (or even 17) if only 14 people are eating?

Original poster
charlie1511 · 28/07/2019 08:27

Thanks I have tried to explain. He's busy all day and doing a lot of driving so I won't be able to call him but I will if it's not cleared up soon. I was really annoyed at the restaurant but I was too flustered to push further than to get seating for everyone who was actually there and eating. He's usually very mellow and understanding but this seems to be a lot more serious

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 28/07/2019 08:29

I think he's unreasonable to expect two seats in a busy restaurant if he's not eating there. It made sense to meet you in pub after. He was being a bit passive aggressive by turning up with gift - surely the gift could have been done in pub after?

Pleaser256 · 28/07/2019 08:32

All you can do is tell him the full story and if he chooses to still be petty about it, that’s his problem. I’m sure there were other friends there who can witness how stressed you were about what they said.

Why would you want to go to a restaurant and sit there while others are eating and you’re not Confused.

LL83 · 28/07/2019 08:32

It's not your fault, you have apologised and if you dont have form for excluding him he will get over it.

It's easier said than done but try to stop thinking about it. You can't control how your friend feels and it will pass.

Sometimes people just need time to see things more clearly and realise you would not deliberately exclude him and you are a good friend.

CalamityJune · 28/07/2019 08:33

The restaurant is under no obligation to provide seating to people not eating. He is being really childish. If he wanted to come so badly, he could have gone along with it and preordered a couple of sides for the table or something

user1493413286 · 28/07/2019 08:34

I would just message him being honest; you can’t really expect a restaurant to provide seating for people who will come later and not eat as that takes a table from paying customers.

Moondust001 · 28/07/2019 08:35

Why are you annoyed at the restaurant? They provide space at tables for people eating and paying for their food. They did nothing wrong YABU to expect anything different. If you wanted a place where people could turn up without eating, you should have picked a place that doesn't make its way by serving food to people.

You can explain to your friend, but I think both of you are being unreasonable if you expected the restaurant to "cater" for non-diners.

LL83 · 28/07/2019 08:38

@moondust the restaurant should have told OP we can only provide a table for those eating then she could have booked elsewhere or spoke to those not eating to see what they wanted to do.
Providing 14 seats instead of 17 when they arrive is not acceptable.

BlueSkiesLies · 28/07/2019 08:40

You’re not in the wrong here. If he wanted to come to the meal he should have pre ordered some food.

LoafofSellotape · 28/07/2019 08:42

Of course he can't sit and not order Confused

Text him and tell him you'll ring him after work. Don't text and explain, if he's feeling prickly it'll be better done face to face or by phone not text.

SeeSomethingSaySomething · 28/07/2019 08:42

Why are you annoyed at the restaurant?

I understand why they were ‘shirty’ with you!

You booked 20 covers on their busiest night on payday weekend.
You only confirmed/ preordered for 14.

Then you expected another to be added at the last minute, cheeky enough as having to now time it with the other 14 meals.

On top of that, you expect them to seat three others who are not paying customers at their expense.

Then you arrive late and in a “flustered and stressed’ so clearly not helping with the confusion you caused!

I think hosts who arrive late are not great hosts tbh. It’s the host’s role to arrive early to check everything is ok and greet the guests they have invited and be the social glue.

As for your friend, why didn’t he just eat with you if he’s such a good friend, why did he arrange an evening with another friend?

Group dynamics being what they are and your questionable organisation skills meant that this was never going to end well.

But anyway, just ring him and figure out what’s wrong.

You say he’s mellow and understanding- how many times has he had to be laid back and understanding of you before?

Are you the type of person who ‘drama’ seems to follow them around?

Maybe this is the straw that broke the camel’s back?

Doilooklikeatourist · 28/07/2019 08:45

I don’t understand why you’re annoyed at the restaurant?
Why should they provide seats for someone who’s not going to eat ?
Your friend sounds like hard work

GnomeDePlume · 28/07/2019 08:53

It's a restaurant for people to come into, sit down and eat. It's not a park bench.

If you want to be more fluid then you book a private dining room but even then the room size will depend on the numbers actually eating.

FrancisCrawford · 28/07/2019 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Battytwatty · 28/07/2019 08:58

LL83

The restaurant shouldn’t have to tell people they can only provide seats for people eating ....it’s bloody obvious. It’s a restaurant!

SD1978 · 28/07/2019 09:01

It's reasonable of the restraint I'm afraid- they s don't have tonprivide seating for people not eating juts because you'd like them there. If you've explained to your friend that the restaurant wouldn't accomodate non eaters and he's still being an arse- then he's juts being an arse

Ellmau · 28/07/2019 09:07

Just say so sorry, when we got there the restaurant said we could only have seats for those eating. Simple, and true.

Adversecamber22 · 28/07/2019 09:08

I have never ever heard of someone wanting to sit and not eat at a restaurant table, you just meet up for drinks afterwards to join a night out.

Your friend is a knob who was mean to you on your birthday what’s his history of behaviour like. Attention seeking? makes you grateful for his company by any chance?

buzzkills · 28/07/2019 09:09

Restaurants are for eating. I'm surprised that someone thinks they can go to a restaurant, take up space and not eat. Not your fault.

Ellmau · 28/07/2019 09:10

Also, other friend who could’nt be bothered to preorder was very lucky to be accommodated.

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