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Original poster

I've accidentally really hurt my friends feelings

63 replies

charlie1511 · 28/07/2019 08:15

It was my birthday last night and I had a meal at a restaurant. I booked a table for 20 and sent in preorders for 14 people. There was one person who didn't send there order and two who were coming late and not eating. The other three cancelled late.

When I arrived the restaurant had reduced the table to 14 despite me telling them that 17 were coming. They said they only made bookings based on the preorders and they were pretty shirty about it. I was late to the restaurant and was really flustered and stressed so we managed to find an extra seat for the one who was eating, 15.

I then text my friend who wasn't coming till later with his friend and asked if we could meet them in the pub after since we were planning to go there anyway. I was under the impression he was already there, with his friend, after attending a wedding or still at the wedding. He replied saying yeah that's fine no need to apologise take your time etc. He popped into the restaurant later on (2 doors down from pub) to give me the present that they had all chipped in on which I had no idea about then we went to the pub maybe half hour after.

Everything seemed fine but when I left I text him later to say thanks for everything he started asking why he couldn't come to the restaurant did I not want him there and he was really put out and pissed off. I apologised profusely but he's not accepting any of it. I feel terrible! I'm closer with him than most of the people who were there and I honestly thought that because him and his friend weren't eating that it would just be easier to meet them after with the shortage of space.

I've been up all night worrying and I don't know what to say to put it right

OP posts:

Adversecamber22 · 28/07/2019 09:11

Well re reading your original post something is going wrong in your friendship. What are the dynamics and what are you like as people?

KUGA · 28/07/2019 09:12

The restaurant is a business,not a place to hang out.
Your friend could have just ordered a starter,job done.
As for him being arsie over it,he cant be that good of a friend.
Are you sure he hadn't had too much to drink?.
He may also be winding you up.
Hope it works out for you.

sackrifice · 28/07/2019 09:28

I was really annoyed at the restaurant but I was too flustered to push further than to get seating for everyone who was actually there and eating.

Why were you annoyed at the restaurant for not providing seating for someone not eating and who wasn't even there?

Soola · 28/07/2019 09:32

Really bad form to take up a restaurant seat and not order food to eat.

He’s in the wrong not you.

I’ve known women for whatever reasons (illness or dieting) have not wanted to eat and they have still ordered but given the food to others or just pushed the food around their plate.

FinnBalorsAbs · 28/07/2019 09:34

Of course the restaurant wouldn't give you two additional seats (presumably a small table) on a Saturday night for people who weren't going to eat and drink. What kind of a business does he think they are?

He is very unreasonable!

LizzieSiddal · 28/07/2019 09:35

I think you're all getting mixed up with a busy restuarant and a park bench.

You just cannot expect a restaurant to provide table and chair space, for people who aren't eating!

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 28/07/2019 09:41

he cba to preorder and was in the pub, I am not sure why he is upset to be excluded when it's all his own doing,

"Sorry you felt excluded, but I am not sure what you expected me to do when you did not preorder, and I had to ask if you would be in the pub after for a drink"

if you feel so inclined then maybe arrange a post birthday meal with him if he is that close a friend, but really none of his upset is anything to do with you, he is being a twat.

letsdolunch321 · 28/07/2019 09:44

Explain to him and leave him to
It.

Not much of a friend if he is acting an arse

LannieDuck · 28/07/2019 09:50

Why was there a present that everyone else had chipped into, but which you knew nothing about?

LannieDuck · 28/07/2019 09:51

Sorry, please ignore me!! Wish MN had a 'delete' option.

StoppinBy · 28/07/2019 09:51

Most people do not preorder their meals, most restaurants will set your table with the amount of seats you had booked even if you preorder for some of the meals. Most restaurants will also accept a couple of people who are only coming for drinks at the end of the meal especially with such a big table even if you tell them that at the outset.

The restaurant is definitely in the wrong for not clarifying how many they would seat based on the meals that were ordered but I imagine that they got your preorder and thought that the numbers in your booking had dropped, I think this is a reasonable assumption but they should have called you to check that.

Many times people book a big table and then have a handful of people who are no shows, it is very annoying and yes we would often ask to separate your table as soon as we know if it is made of small joined tables so we can have the table space back if it is a busy period but tables are set for the amount you book and not the amount who might turn up.

Just tell your friend what happened.

gamerwidow · 28/07/2019 09:51

Your friend’s an arse. He has made your birthday all about him and kept you up worrying all night because he didn’t get to do exactly what he wanted to do. If he wanted to come in the restaurant he should have pre ordered and turned up at the start. If he had a prior engagement then that’s a shame but he either fits in where appropriate or doesn’t come. He doesn’t get to come late and then make a fuss because he has to wait for you. Don’t apologise again.

Eslteacher06 · 28/07/2019 09:55

Lol why are people focussing on the OP BU with the restaurant? It's not the what she's asking about!

Op you made a mistake and so did he for assuming it's ok to not eat in a restaurant. He might have been annoyed last night but a good friend will understand once you get chance to explain. If he doesn't then he isn't much of a friend!

IvanaPee · 28/07/2019 09:59

You’re annoyed at the restaurant for:

Not providing seats for those who didn’t preorder

Not providing extra seats for those who weren’t eating

And for being “shirty” when you showed up late?

Anyway your friend is being a drama queen. You could have gotten your present in the pub. No need for him to drop it in, surely?

northernknickers · 28/07/2019 09:59

You were rude to be late...first off! Who does that when they are hosting? Your absolute priority, as HOST, is to be excessively early, at all costs, to ensure that your guests are welcomed. That's your job! There just isn't an excuse 🤷‍♀️ I'm sure you'll try to make one, or justify your tardiness, but no matter...you can't change etiquette to suit your own shoddy behaviour unfortunately.

The rest...still your fault and again, you're not understanding 'how things are'. You booked a table at a restaurant for 20. You knew at this point that some of those people weren't eating! Why would you book them a seat? That's just nonsensical. Restaurants don't cater for non-eaters OP. They pay waiting on staff, chefs, cleaning staff, buy in food, turn away other potential DINERS, based on bookings made...so if you've booked for 20, they BELIEVE that 20 people will be, you know, EATING! In the end, you only confirmed 14, so that's what you got. They're not mind readers after all.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 28/07/2019 10:00

I have never ever heard of people insisting on sitting in a restaurant but not eating. Of course the restaurant wouldn’t reserve seats for them!

He is being unreasonable.

RedWoollyHat · 28/07/2019 10:10

Your friend sounds a bit precious to be honest. It's a really odd thing to overthink like he has done. Also, it was your birthday so I think that any perceived slight he should have kept to himself anyway. Does he have a history of this sort of thing? Hopefully he was just having a bad day/mutated into a temporarily grumpy bastard like the rest of us in the heat.

I worked as a waitress for a long time and there's nothing wrong with your "organisational skills" as some snarky poster was saying. Birthday bookings were usually exactly like this: one or two last minute cancellations, a couple of late folk and sometimes a no-show. You just work around it. Customer is always right and all that (well, they are if you want repeat business and tips on minimum wage anyway).

I'd phone him, but if he's arsey about it at all then he's being a twat. You didn't do anything wrong and I'm sorry it's tainted your birthday.

LonelyTiredandLow · 28/07/2019 10:20

Is there the slightest chance he fancies you OP? Maybe he was hoping to meet your friends? You say you are closest to him - could this be the deeper reasoning?

Beautiful3 · 28/07/2019 10:42

Just explain that the restaurant only provided chairs for those eating a meal. Maybe next time he could eat with you? I don't think you should keep apologising though. It's his fault really. If my mates were eating in a restaurant I have two choices. To join them and eat, or not eat and meet them in the pub afterwards. Pretty standard procedure really.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 28/07/2019 10:50

Your friend sounds ridiculous tbh. Does he not know how restaurants work?

speakout · 28/07/2019 11:04

You and friend both at fault here OP.

The restaurant did nor provide seating for people not eating and not even there- why does that surprise you?

Saturday night is a busy time for restaurants- reserving seats for non eating and non attending customers means they would be turning away actual paying customers.

Arriving late was unnaceptable.

Original poster

charlie1511 · 28/07/2019 11:07

Thanks everyone he's responded to say that he just found it hard explaining to people when he came with the gift why he wasn't at the meal even though he responded as coming. But I don't think he was openly telling people that he wasn't planning to eat, just that I had asked to meet him at the pub rather than him come to the restaurant.
He knows almost everyone there so it wasn't like he wanted to meet them. We're usually on super good terms with no drama ever and have been friends for about 7 years.
And to all those who asked I didn't expect them to provide seating for people not eating only the ones I had said were coming and including the ones who hadn't pre ordered, total of 17. The late 2 dropouts would have covered the friend and his friend who ended up at the pub if they had accommodated the number I asked for but they only included those with a pre order (14).
Thanks everyone for your messages I really just hate feeling that I've offended anyone and it hasn't happened for so long I've forgotten how awful it feels! I think he has over reacted but I'll still do whatever I can to fix it.

OP posts:

SavingSpaces2019 · 28/07/2019 11:08

just text him that the restaurant limited the number of seats to only those who were ordering food.
i think he just wanted to pick a drunken fight with you- and got it.
his ego didn't like you 'telling' him so he chose to turn up at the restaurant anyway.
the present could have waited til you got to the pub.

so much for being a friend.

Original poster

charlie1511 · 28/07/2019 11:09

Oh and I was late by 6 mins! I was surprised everyone else was already there. I had to pick up a friend on the way and the traffic was much worse than I thought. As a rule I am NEVER late and I was already really stressed about that.

OP posts:

speakout · 28/07/2019 11:12

You were not late by six minutes.

You were later than that.

A good host would be there earlier than the booked time.

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