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Original poster

Cash or free bar at wedding?

99 replies

Littleblurry · 24/07/2019 07:48

We are getting married in a large barn. Will have around 130 day and 70 evening guests.

We are going to put on champagne,wine, beer, cider, pimms and soft drinks during the day.

The question is, do we continue offering free drinks (with a few spirit options added) during the evening? Or do we hire a bar company and have a cheap cash bar?

The main concern is people taking advantage of the free drinks and getting horrendously drunk when there will be quite a lot of kids around. In all honesty, I dont think there will be many who do as most adults are in their 30s or over and (in our circle anyway) for most of us our binge drinking days are long gone. Lots of people wont be drinking much as they have their kids with them, the venue is around 20-30 mins drive for the majority of the evening guests so its likely many of them will drive anyway.

I'm inclined to offer the drinks free but DF thinks a cash bar would be better. What would/did you do? Would you be unhappy with a cash bar or is it fairly normal these days?

OP posts:

rosewater20 · 24/07/2019 21:27

We are getting married next year and had this same battle. We ended up working with our venue to provide a set amount of drinks while also having a pay bar. Our venue is a restaurant, and the experience is really about having amazing food and wine (it will have the vibe of a really nice dinner party). We will have a cocktail hour following the ceremony where everyone will be greeted with a cocktail, wine or beer. During dinner, the waiters will serve wine that matches each course with everyone getting three glasses of wine and then a champagne toast. We will have a pay bar for those who want a drink different from wine and who want more to drink than what we are providing.

Initially, I was quite stressed about providing enough to drink and then worried about the cost, but our venue worked with us to keep our cost within our budget while also providing a great experience for our guests. And we are providing the guests with around one glass of alcohol per hour of our reception, which is a lot to drink anyway.

crikeycrumbsblimey · 24/07/2019 21:31

After the day time champagne and wine we did free beer and wine at the bar. Spirits paid for themselves x

OooErMissus · 24/07/2019 21:34

We had a free 'bar' at ours. We had our reception in a vineyard, so it was only wine, beer and soft drinks laid on.

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HollowTalk · 24/07/2019 21:40

I think it all depends on the age of the majority of the guests.

I'd be really pissed off if an elderly aunt had one drink per hour and had to pay after the first hour. I'd also be pissed if people hoarded drinks - tbh I think colleagues are more likely to do this.

I'd probably up the free wine at the table and give everyone a couple of vouchers for drinks. It's a shame as a free bar would be lovely but you don't want to be annoyed the day after the wedding.

Nonnymum · 24/07/2019 21:48

I would say, drink on arrival, drinks with the meal and for the toast,drink on arrival for evening guests and token for couple of drinks for the evening guests. Then paid bar for the rest. That seems to be the norm where I have been and works well.

RavenLG · 24/07/2019 22:03

My worries were people (even just a couple) going mad because it's a free bar and throwing up/smashing glasses etc.
This sounds more like a person problem than a free bar problem, do you have friends / family that would realistically do this? As if so I'd be hesitant on inviting them tbh. But as others have said, cash bars are standard in the UK. Drinks on arrival, wine etc through the meal and something fizzy to raise a toast with then the bar as standard.

Orangesox · 24/07/2019 22:06

We had a free bar as we had our reception in a marquee in the garden and asked all guests what their favourite drink was. A few guests brought some drinks with them too which was nice.

I’d say we’ve been to an even split of pay bar and free bar weddings, neither seemed to be much different aside from the wedding reception of a friend and business associate of ours who’s in the entertainment industry which featured a free bar in a nightclub which was diabolical. I settled up the bill with the venue via invoice and nearly had a stroke.... we’re talking mid 5 figures. I think we were one of few couples who remember most of the evening as I drove us back home so drank alcohol free cider and lemonade all night! I remember people ordering rubbish they wouldn’t normally drink, abandoning drinks left right and centre because they hadn’t paid for them, and guests ordering vintage bottles of Dom all because it was “free”

ColdCottage · 24/07/2019 22:17

I think nearly all the weddings I've been to of friends have had a free bar. One had a tab until it ran out.

Most have not been in hotels etc so have been able to bring in their own alcohol. So that makes it a lot cheaper, find a good wine supplier for sale or return plus buy spirits on offer. Then you just pay for bar staff and glassware and ice.

If you are in a hotel type venue then agree a tab is a good idea so you know your budget.

I always take cash just in case don't expect to use it. All depends on what makes you feel comfortable and your budget.

I'm sure your friends would rather you spend money on elements of your wedding which are more important to you than their bar bill at the end of the night.

Follow your gut after reviewing your budget.

applepieicecream · 24/07/2019 22:24

been to a free bar wedding ever I wouldn't trust people even in their 30's let alone the people on their 50/60's who love a good booze up*

My experience is that those on their 50’s and 60’s are on the Diet Coke: we did Prosecco, beer and 3 different cocktails for the reception. For the meal we chose really good wines which meant that most people stuck to wine, of which we had loads, and our bar bill was & £900 over and above the £300 we spent to upgrade the dinner wines

Original poster

Littleblurry · 24/07/2019 22:40

I don't think I know anyone who would deliberately throw up or smash glasses but people can get carried away when the dri is are flowing freely. Plus there are some people that really have to be invited even of they might have a tendency to do such things( eg sister's boyfriend, aunt etc)

OP posts:

Leggyfrog · 25/07/2019 08:44

I think you are over thinking this.

Buy a limited selected of booze, hire glasses and get a couple of the caterers waiting staff to stay and run a bar. Don't penalise the people who prefer a gin & tonic/ vodka & coke over people who drink wine by charging them for booze you bought yourself from the supermarket. You can tell the bar staff no shots.

Enjoy- yes some people might get bit drunk - it happens at weddings.

redeyetonowheregood · 25/07/2019 13:58

I am not sure I understand the logic of wine and beer free but asking people to pay for spirits. I get horribly drunk in wine and tend to stick to gin and tonic. I think I would feel a bit put out if I was getting drinks for others which were free but I had to pay. So, all or nothing I would say.

crikeycrumbsblimey · 26/07/2019 16:37

Erm because the spirits are a lot more expensive! Nothing to do with getting drunk, more that the whiskeys went up to £60 a glass.

feelingverylazytoday · 26/07/2019 16:47

My wedding had a free bar and most of the weddings I've attended have also. It seems to be a thing for Eastenders.
However if you're on a budget I think providing wine, beer and some soft drinks is fine. As far as evening only guests go though, personally I would suggest a voucher for at least one drink, preferably two. I think it would be terrible hospitality to invite people to an evening reception and not buy at least one drink.

QueenofCBA · 26/07/2019 16:51

Not from the UK: I have learned the hard way to always be prepared for a cash bar.
Where I come from it would be quite insulting to expect guests to pay for anything, be that at a wedding or, a recent new one for me, a birthday party!

Normandy144 · 26/07/2019 17:26

If you can afford it, then do the free bar. It is much nicer. It was top of our list to prioritise and make sure our guests who had travelled a long way at some expense didn't have to fork out. Buy in the wine and bubbles etc for the meal and then bring in a bar to be run for the night. Don't advertise the fact it is a free bar. We had a free bar and didn't tell anyone. They just got a pleasant surprise each time they went to the bar and weren't charged. By doing it that way people did wonder if there was maybe a limit but it didn't make them race to beat it. We had 90 guests (all day, no evening) and set a £1500 limit, it was an open bar with no doubles or shots and only a choice of 2 cocktails which we preselected were allowed. We hit the limit by the time the bar closed at 1am!
No one was sick/started a fight, that I'm aware of!

ReginaFilange001 · 26/07/2019 17:41

If you can afford the free bar then do it. How about though you make it an honesty bar? Big jars for people to donate to a specific charity for whatever drinks they have. Might make people think about what they are drinking. Raises money for a charity - win/win!

BackforGood · 26/07/2019 17:49

I've been to dozens upon dozens of weddings over 4 decades, and only time I've ever come across a free bar was when the couple had a lovely (but very limited budget) wedding in a marquee, oddly enough.

The norm, IME is to provide drink on arrival and wine with the meal and a toast for the speeches, then everybody sorts themselves out after that. This is at weddings in all sorts of circles I've been to, not just family or one close group of friends.

I would bring in a bar, if it were me.

MakeLemonade · 26/07/2019 17:51

We had a free bar and people were definitely drunk towards the end of the wedding but no bad behaviour or anything silly! My friends were all late 20s too so it wasn’t an age thing either.

So I say go for it!

feelingverylazytoday · 26/07/2019 18:08

We had a free bar and people were definitely drunk towards the end of the wedding but no bad behaviour or anything silly
This sums up a good party or celebration to me.

redeyetonowheregood · 31/07/2019 10:33

well of course some whisky is expensive etc...but a bottle of reasonable gin, such as Gordons are approximately £20 L. Standard measures are 25ml, so that works out at 50p a shot. Add in tonic at maybe the same and it is about £1 a drink. I can't see why that is so vastly different to wine.

iVampire · 31/07/2019 10:36

Free bar is lovely if you can comfortably afford it, and you don’t think your guests will throw caution to the wing and then behave atrociously.

I’d compromise - stand everyone a welcome drink. And if you have toasts, supply drinks for that,

Cash bar for the rest

IrmaFayLear · 31/07/2019 10:41

As others have sai, depends on age profile etc of guests, but the OP's wedding seems to be quite large.

I think no free bar, given that experience tells it leads to wasted drinks, over-ordering and profligacy (at someone else's expense). But - I would definitely give guests arriving in the evening a welcome drink - glass of champagne (or sparkling)/beer/soft drink.

Still sore about experience of driving three hours to evening reception of old schoolfriend of dh, to discover that not only were we the only evening guests, there was no welcome drink... and no food! (Dh never spoke to old friend again, such was the humiliation.)

HorridHenrysNits · 31/07/2019 11:10

I prefer a cash bar, they almost always have more choice and I would rather order and pay for exactly what I want.

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