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Original poster

Cash or free bar at wedding?

99 replies

Littleblurry · 24/07/2019 07:48

We are getting married in a large barn. Will have around 130 day and 70 evening guests.

We are going to put on champagne,wine, beer, cider, pimms and soft drinks during the day.

The question is, do we continue offering free drinks (with a few spirit options added) during the evening? Or do we hire a bar company and have a cheap cash bar?

The main concern is people taking advantage of the free drinks and getting horrendously drunk when there will be quite a lot of kids around. In all honesty, I dont think there will be many who do as most adults are in their 30s or over and (in our circle anyway) for most of us our binge drinking days are long gone. Lots of people wont be drinking much as they have their kids with them, the venue is around 20-30 mins drive for the majority of the evening guests so its likely many of them will drive anyway.

I'm inclined to offer the drinks free but DF thinks a cash bar would be better. What would/did you do? Would you be unhappy with a cash bar or is it fairly normal these days?

OP posts:

70sCarpet · 24/07/2019 09:09

We put £500 behind the bar & when that ran out a paying bar would start. We had 150 guests. I was gobsmacked when the bar handed us £200 at the end of the night! People drank all they wanted, no one got pissed as a fart.

jackparlabane · 24/07/2019 09:09

Most of my guests probably think I had a free bar, but in fact FIL put a grand behind the bar and it was so hot that most people were on soft drinks all night. Only BIL and a few others wanting to get plastered would have been asked to pay.

I've been to a fair few weddings where guests are given coupons for a free drink or two, and then extra coupons given to sober guests later, especially ones who couldn't afford drinks so easily, and free soft drinks. Works well if the aim is to prevent a certain few guests getting hammered.

HouseOfToys · 24/07/2019 09:11

I've never been to a wedding where it was a free bar in the evening. I'd be thrilled but also think the bride and groom must be made of money!

Drinks in the day is very normal where I'm from though.

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Weddings

doodleygirl · 24/07/2019 09:15

The majority of weddings I attend have a free bar - if there are a high proportion of young adults the level of drunk people is often high. Apart from that I don't think people drink any more than normal. However these are guests who are used to free bars at weddings. If this is not the norm in your circle I can imagine a lot of drunk people.

Leggyfrog · 24/07/2019 09:16

Tbh honest I would expect a free bar at this type of venue as you are buying in the drinks at cost, rather than paying inflated hotel prices. This is what I did at my wedding - 2 of the catering staff stayed back to run the bar and we did sale or return on the wine.

You run the risk of the evening guest feeling even more like second list guests when they discover the day people were getting free drinks but they only get to come to part and also have to pay to come to your wedding.

NataliaOsipova · 24/07/2019 09:17

We had a free bar. We provided loads of wine, beer and champagne all day.....and the bar tab (ie anything in excess of that) only came to about £150 for 90 people (a few people wanting Cokes or the odd G&T). Again, I was in my 30s when I got married and didn’t have friends who would look to be gratuitous. I always think a cash bar looks a bit stingy, but I suppose it depends on who your friends are and if they’re likely to try to take the piss out of the situation.

graziemille567 · 24/07/2019 09:17

I wouldn't expect a free bar in the evening at all, although it would be very welcome if someone chose to do that - but I'd have no issue buying my own drinks. We did what you are thinking of doing OP - we paid for drinks from after the ceremony until the end of the meal, then cash bar for the evening do. Usually by the end of the meal everyone's had so much wine that more free drinks could make things very messy!

PurpleDaisies · 24/07/2019 09:19

That’s normal for weddings-some drinks with the food and for a toast, then pay for your own after. I don’t think evening guests will be offended.

NataliaOsipova · 24/07/2019 09:20

Sorry - I’ve just seen it’s a private venue. In that case, I’d stick to wine and beer and a few soft drinks and don’t charge. Places like Majestic offer sale or return on wine and you can get some good value party plonk that won’t break the bank. Don’t feel you have to offer a complete bar selection at a private party. To do so ramps up the cost and makes it very difficult to cater for everyone.

catinboots99 · 24/07/2019 09:20

Asking people to pay for drinks is really naff. It costs most people a small fortune to attend a wedding.

If you can't afford to cater for everyone, invite less guests.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/07/2019 09:21

This is so hard, I'm battling it at the moment too!

We were pretty set on doing 'X' amount free behind the bar, but we've seen three venues who have warned us that this leads to drink hoarding and people drinking faster so they can drink more before they have to pay at 'most' of their weddings.

Tokens for drinks are, by all accounts, a bit of a nightmare because people lose them/try to use them twice/it causes havoc behind the bar.

We don't have much of an evening guest list so I thought we could extend our drinks package and let people claim the majority of their drinks whenever they want, except for the toast and the meal wine, but DP might want to invite some colleagues and things to the evening only which makes that more complicated.

I don't think there's a way of predicting how much our guests will drink. It very much depends what mood some of them are in, and whether they are staying all night/have childcare/etc.

DoraNora · 24/07/2019 09:24

What's the norm in your social circle and weddings you've been to?

I have been to many weddings in the last few years and only two had cash bars in the evening (one of those was my 'stingy' friend who when bringing wine to a dinner party takes it back at the end of the night if it hasn't been drank). Usually people don't take the piss at an open bar in my experience.

However, you can see from many pp comments that in their circles a cash bar is the norm.

Luckystar1 · 24/07/2019 09:32

Interestingly we found at our wedding that one half (the English) expected a free bar while the other half (Irish) in no way expected a free bar at all.

We didn’t have a free bar. There is no way I’d have trusted the Irish contingent (my lot 😂😂) to be in any way controlled.

I went to one wedding in Ireland ever (actually it was a post wedding party as they’d married abroad) and money was behind the bar. If you’d seen the absolute scenes, the amount of drink people were getting! We’d have been bankrupt!

Luckystar1 · 24/07/2019 09:33

Sorry that should say I’ve been to one wedding ever with a free bar.

I’ve been to lots of weddings!

MontStMichel · 24/07/2019 09:35

We went to DS wedding in Poland recently. It was a family affair with a number of children. The reception was from 3 pm until 5 am with a free bar. DS budgeted on a bottle and a half of vodka per Polish adult. The jugs of water and juices were continually refilled. Wine bottles were regularly placed on the tables. On the side, there were other soft drinks.

Admittedly three meals were served during the reception plus cakes, fresh fruit, etc on the side.

We had to go to bed at midnight; but nobody seemed drunk or even tipsy! People were tired the next morning, but nobody complained of a hangover! The Poles do drink a lot of vodka; but it does not seem to be silly drinking like there is here when there is free alcohol!

Leggyfrog · 24/07/2019 09:35

I still think that switching to a paid bar - so charging in the evening for drinks at effectively a byob barn wedding - reinforces the two classes of guests thing. As well as an outfit, travel and a gift your evening guests are also having to pay to come.

I'm old school though and whilst I would maybe expect to pay for some drinks at a hotel due to the high mark ups, I wouldn't expect a paid bar when the couple are buying the drink at cost.

Celebelly · 24/07/2019 09:39

I've been to quite a few weddings but never one with a free bar! Maybe a glass of fizz on arrival and some wine with meal but after it's always a cash bar. I would always assume that was the case.

Herocomplex · 24/07/2019 09:57

We had a party a while ago with an open bar, I got an itemised bar bill. There was a clear distinction between the guests, those who’d gone premium spirits and mixers and those who’d respected our hospitality. Some people see it as a chance to take advantage, others just to have a nice time.

Iggly · 24/07/2019 09:58

We had a cash bar but we did have drinks and nibbles on arrival for evening guests. There was actually loads of wine left over from the meal so guests didn’t have to spend much.

lemonsandlimes123 · 24/07/2019 10:02

I have only ever been to one wedding with a pay bar, really awkward as it was cash no cards and people hadn't been prewarned. In my experience people don't take the piss just because it's a free bar and why would you invite people like that to your wedding anyway.

I think a pay bar is awful, have the wedding you can afford to host, don't invite people to an event and then expect them to buy their own drinks it is dreadful

Drum2018 · 24/07/2019 10:10

I've been to loads of weddings and never had a free bar - nothing dreadful about that. They've all been in hotels though, so might be different if the wedding was in a marquee in the back garden. Wine would have been provided with the meal. And maybe one free drink would have been given for a toast. Aside from that if people want drink they buy their own.

Original poster

Littleblurry · 24/07/2019 10:13

Thanks everyone, obviously lots of different opinions from people with different circles of friends.

This really isnt about the money. It's a private venue with no corkage so we can just buy from majestic or similar. My worries were people (even just a couple) going mad because it's a free bar and throwing up/smashing glasses etc. I also dont want anyone to think we are showing off OR being stingy. It's a hard balance to strike. We have a wide range of friends and have been to weddings ranging from BYOB in a village hall to a private castle with everything provided.

I dont like the idea of putting money behind the bar that will run out because of stockpiling. Also not a fan of the voucher idea. I'm swaying towards having beer and wine available in large barrels for free and having a cash spirit and cocktail bar for those who want something different.

OP posts:

LostInNorfolk · 24/07/2019 10:20

Are you in the UK? I don't think free bars all night are really a thing here especially for so many guests!

Never been to a wedding where drink wasn't provided free (free flowing wine and champagne as a minimum, cocktails on arrival, sometimes then beer and spirits with mixers)

If guest want something else and there is a bar then they can go but if you invite people you should feed them and provide drinks.

Cut your cloth to fit your budget.

LostInNorfolk · 24/07/2019 10:26

This really isnt about the money. It's a private venue with no corkage so we can just buy from majestic or similar.

Then surely there will not be a bar and they won't be able to purchase?

Most of the wedding that I go to are in private venues and they only have whatever bar has been set up and it is free.

Wine in barrels? Like wine boxes? Never a good idea.

So- gin bar- a number off different kinds and flavoured mixers- wine and champagne, bottles of beer or draft, soft drinks. Maybe basic cocktails
Jugs of pimms is cheap and older guests like that.

How many guests are you having? We have a party for 60-80 each summer with very free flowing drink, bottles of champagne, beers galore, cocktails. Actually quite a few drink very little and only a few drink a lot

You could get a great offer for £500-700 for 6080 people.

Ellapaella · 24/07/2019 10:27

I would totally expect to pay for my own drinks at the evening do. I've only been to one wedding when there was a free bar all day and night and it was a very elaborate affair.

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