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Original poster

How do I tell my boyfriend I've got piles?

58 replies

ILikePaperHats · 20/07/2019 08:05

Yes, I have anus horribilus. Painful and sticking out a mile. Not pregnant, I just get them occasionally. Trying to treat with suppositories and cream but they're not going away in a hurry.
The thing is my boyfriend is coming round today and he's already told me he's horny. We haven't seen each other for a week as we've both been busy with work etc. He texted me last Eve to say he loves me and really misses me and can't wait to see me today. We had fantastic sex last time we saw each other. He's already talking about how he wants to lick my pussy Confused I don't want him anywhere down there! Why can't I tell him, I've been seeing him for 4 years now and it's a committed, monogamous relationship, I'm worried cos he's got a very sarcastic sense of humour and I think he'd take the piss. Help, what do I say?

OP posts:
Blueuggboots · 20/07/2019 08:11

Look, I love you too and want to repeat our great session, but I've got a bit of an issue down there and I'm REALLY embarrassed so sarcastic comments are going to make me uncomfortable....you need to bear with me for a few days as I've got piles?

Original poster
ILikePaperHats · 20/07/2019 08:16

@Blueuggboots
Thanks, I can't say it's piles! Too ashamed. I want to lie and tell him something else, but what?

OP posts:
Runbikeswim · 20/07/2019 08:18

Just say you have thrush

Original poster
ILikePaperHats · 20/07/2019 08:19

@Runbikeswim
That's a good one! That might work. Thanks! He's going to be so disappointed LOL

OP posts:
RushianDisney · 20/07/2019 08:20

Yep, just say it's thrush if you're embarrassed.

HoneysuckIejasmine · 20/07/2019 08:20

You've been with him 4 years and you are worried about his reaction? That doesn't sound like a healthy adult relationship.

I'd say "not tonight love, I've got piles" and my husband would say "ouch, are you ok?" and that would be that.

SallyWD · 20/07/2019 08:21

Thrush is worse than piles! You've been with him 4 years just be honest. I wouldn't think twice about telling my DH

Original poster
ILikePaperHats · 20/07/2019 08:23

@SallyWD
Thrush is definitely not worse than piles!! I've had both, and piles are horrendous. Plus highly
Embarrassing and unsightly

OP posts:
NeverSayFreelance · 20/07/2019 08:24

Thrush, cystitis, you don't feel well, anything will do.

Although 4 years in I think I'd just tell him. My DP got piles a few months into our relationship and as much as he looked terribly embarrassed, he still told me.

Spam88 · 20/07/2019 08:24

After 4 years I'd have been telling him in great detail about my piles 😁

Tableclothing · 20/07/2019 08:24

If he's not taking you from behind would he even see them?

Ime very few men would care.

Personally, I would deal with it by saying "I've got something to tell you" then hiding under the duvet and mumbling. Bloke wouldn't be able to hear me so would ask me to repeat it, I'd try a bit louder, he still wouldn't hear, then I'd get frustrated and end up chucking the duvet on the floor and shouting "I'VE GOT PILES!" at him.
Not very cool but gets the message across.

Maybe someone else will have more sophisticated advice.

Tableclothing · 20/07/2019 08:25

Also, if you say you have thrush he's not going to go down on you, but if you tell him about the piles it's 99% he will.

Parker231 · 20/07/2019 08:27

After a 4 year relationship surely you can tell him anything? If he can’t understand you’v a medical issue, he’s the problem.

cookiechomper · 20/07/2019 08:27

I'd just tell him. You've been together 4 years. I understand you're embarrassed but you're human and if he's a good partner he'll be understanding and won't embarrass you. If you get to the point of living together/ children then things like this just aren't as big an issue.

EatingBreadAndHoney · 20/07/2019 08:28

You've been with him 4 years and you can't tell him about a minor thing like piles?

AllStar14 · 20/07/2019 08:32

If this was a new relationship I'd understand your embarrassment but four years!! Just tell him the truth, and you can still have sex, rather than making something up meaning no sexy time!

CatInADoghouse · 20/07/2019 08:33

After 4 years? You seriously couldn't tell him?
After 4 years I think the illusion about neither of you having any embarrassing problems should be long gone! If he thinks it's that hilarious and makes jokes about it then he doesn't sound very mature and I'd start asking if I wanted to carry on trying to have an adult relationship with a man-child.

Soola · 20/07/2019 08:34

“Not tonight darling, I’m sleeping with Farmer Giles!”

That should suffice.

Original poster
ILikePaperHats · 20/07/2019 08:35

OK ladies, I'll put my Big Girl Pants on (literally Grin) and tell him. I think his reaction will be fine, I just find saying it so embarrassing. Worried he's going to recoil in terror LOL

OP posts:
Retraintoday · 20/07/2019 08:37

If only I could use the excuse of having hemorroids to my DH 😂 He just couldn't care less about my (huge) piles.

Ice them every 3 hours today and by this evening they will be much smaller. (Trust me ice is a life saver)

You can buy special ice packs for your bum too 🤭

Your GP can prescribe a steroid cream and this is really very good. (I pressume you have tried Anusol and Germaloids already)

Soola · 20/07/2019 08:40

Maybe you could learn a song and see if he picks up on it

Original poster
ILikePaperHats · 20/07/2019 08:43

@Soola OMG! I'm dying 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikePaperHats · 20/07/2019 08:45

@Retraintoday
Thank you for the good advice. I will try some ice now. The over the counter creams are rubbish. No way am I going to the doctors as they will ask to examine them!Blush

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 20/07/2019 08:49

The gp will usually not ask to examine them... not if you’re sure and have had a look yourself.

Original poster
ILikePaperHats · 20/07/2019 08:57

Not in my experience @Lollypop701 !!

OP posts:
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