The saddest bedtime routine - does it get better?

[cornflakes5]

Our bedtime routine with DD (15 months) used to go like this: books, bath (including brushing teeth) breastfeed, bed. She loved lifting all the flaps in the books and having a romp around our bed, then bath, then cosy breastfeed, then into the cot drowsy and asleep within seconds.

We felt it wasn't right breastfeeding after brushing her teeth, and our HV agreed, and suggested we do milk, bath, books then bed. Apparently most people do it this way.

We've been doing it the new one for a week now and it's really miserable. Everything fine up until DD is dried and put into her sleeping bag. The minute she sees the book come out, she starts crying. Crying becomes wailing as the book goes on, and by the time she's in her cot she's beside herself. She then cries herself to sleep. Every night. This makes me so sad, but is there another way? As an aside, DD has never been a good sleeper, and cries herself to sleep for naps, but somehow this feels worse for proper bedtime.

Anyone got something wise or reassuring to say please? 🙇🏻‍♀️

Brush teeth in bed as it’s easier

Pressed post to soon!
Then bf and hopefully to sleep. Mine will sleep with a nipple in his mouth if he gets a chance. He’s 2.

The HV talked about how DD really shouldn't have any sleep associations by this age. It was implied this would hamper her future sleep, presumably once weaned.

Is that true?

I don’t know, but since last week my health visitor told me not to let my baby manipulate more cuddles from me while teething, I don’t trust these people one iota.

Smile wave ignore

I BF my ds fo sleep until he was nearly 3! He is 15 - perfect teeth and has no issues sleeping.

They are little for a short time - follow your gut and it sounds like she really needs to be fed asleep.

Also in parenting it is good to remember no decision is irreversible. You could try going back to the old method and reassess again in a few months time.

If it aint broke, don't fix it.

Things change naturally over time. If they don't , and you feel that you do need to make a change, then do it when the time feels right and in the way that feels right. Trust your instincts as the person who knows your child the best.

FWIW, all my dc had either a breastfeed or a sippy cup of milk last thing at night until 3 - 8 years. They are all teenagers now and none have any fillings. Some were dreadful sleepers at 15m, some were champions; some could self-settle, some could not. All are fine now.

If you are feeding during the night why would you care about the last evening feed being before teeth cleaning anyway? Must be hard with her not sleeping through though? A toddler still waking for a night feed is unusual.

Ignore them. Sleep associations my arse. If she can go to sleep happy, fed and clean, that's all she needs. Your job is to achieve that in the least fuss way. I'd go back to your old system ASAP and ignore your HV. I bf until my boy was 2.5, and for a long while after that he had to fall asleep holding my boob. He's 5.5 now and sleeps for 12 hours, every night. Without a boob.

Omg go back to doing what you were doing! X

Go back to your old routine. You were both happy with it.There are parents who give their 15 month olds coke from a can.

Don't ask hv for advice on this type of thing.
Do what works. I assume that babies have been breastfed to sleep since the beginning of time.

I wouldn't worry about the sleep association. Is it better to associate sleep with a nice cuddle with mummy or with crying herself to sleep? I BF my baby until 18 months before bed and when they stopped wanting milk i just gave them a cuddle. Now as a toddler, we just have a cuddle and they sing to themself before they go to sleep. I think you should do what's best for you and your family. Was also told BMilk is different to cows milk and formula so fine to give before bed.

We did milk, bath, teeth, book, milk for a bit.
Eventually that last milk dropped, and we got to what you are switching to.
Might be worth a try with a milk feed where you want it, and a milk feed where she wants it?

A toddler still waking for a night feed is unusual.

It is absolutely the norm until breastfeeding stops. I’m Yet to hear of a breastfed child who doesn’t wake up at least twice after bedtime for breast milk.

How about mine? Two of ‘em. Breastfed until 2 (tandem as they are only a year apart) they did not wake for a night feed. So now you have Queen.

We always gave ours a bottle last thing. They used to hold it themselves at that age & drift off. I don't think I could leave them crying themselves to sleep.

Why change the whole routine completely around just to accommodate a quick teeth brush before bed though ?

How about mine? Two of ‘em. Breastfed until 2 (tandem as they are only a year apart) they did not wake for a night feed. So now you have Queen.

Well tell us your secret, and a gold medal for you. But to make it sound like most breastfed babies don’t wake up based on your kids is strange. In a group of all breastfeeding mums I’m in, the only bf kids that don’t wake up aren’t those who were sleep trained to avoid sleep associating the breast with sleeping.

OP I’m breastfeeding my 17 months old and he sleeps 7.30-6.30 daily.. and he wakes up at 11pm and 2 am everyday. It is for comfort most likely. But I do not mind my child comfort feeding. And I think some people don’t like the sleep association with breastfeeding and train their kids otherwise. However, It is natural for a baby to route for the breast during the night unless you taught them otherwise. Not all of us want to.

Strange that someone calls nature unusual

I used to do teeth, bf then sleep. That was about 11 years ago mind you.

Go back to your old routine. The health visitor is just advising, you don't need to follow that advice.

co-sleeping, and being really really relaxed. Hope that helps Queen.

Was the advice to change definitely because of teeth? We were advised to stop ds falling asleep on the bottle so he wouldn't be dependent on it to sleep. So we do bath, bottle and then a book and then sleep, so there is something in between bottle and sleep

I think some babies don't wake in the night to feed. I know one who night weaned herself at seven months old . It's not the norm though.

(Incidentally, that kid also decided to only feed morning and night at about ten months. Mine is still a total boob monster day and night at over a year old. 🤷

Argh! Forgot to close the brackets!
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co-sleeping, and being really really relaxed. Hope that helps Queen.

I co sleep. And he helps himself to the boob twice while I’m relaxed.

Different babies are different. There is a range of normal.