Tough situation. Please don't judge. I don't know what to do

[Girlfromsouthafrica]

Hi all. First time poster so please don't be too harsh. Will try to be brief. Been married for 8 years, fell out of love 3 years ago. I fell in love with someone else. Husband and i started living apart. However we got back together, then i discovered im pregnant. Husband loves me and wants to be part of my child's life. So does biological father. He actually expected me to divorce my hubby so we can raise our child together. Im havingca dilemma because my husband has the financial security we need. We have a very good life and he loves my son like his own. The father has baggage, 3 other children (divorced) and debt. Just for record im not intimate with either even though i spend lots of time with biological dad. I simply couldn't be bothered. AIBU to stay with hubby so my child can have the best life possible? I also promised him I'd never abandon him. He is a good man, and he is 25 yrs older and needs me. Or do i stay with the father and struggle financially? Bottom line, i don't want my son to hate me one day.

Actually @AmeriAnn I think that the OP was asking advice on a dilemma which was causing her concern and she was hoping that she was posting on a forum where people showed a little kindness instead of trying to show off with the most pithy / bitchy comment.

The father sounds manipulative and controlling. I'd minimise contact to what's necessary for him to see the child.

As to whether you stay with your husband... If he's happy with it (which he appears to be) and you can be happy in the relationship and it's not as unhealthy a relationship as your one with the father appears to be... Well that's down to you.

But don't do it because you're being guilt tripped. You may as well learn how to be assertive in the face of guilt trips now so once your child is old enough to try it you can stand firm.

Your son will be fine. Are both men happy if husband adopts him legally. Is bio dad on birth certificate. Bio dad and step siblings may become friends when older.

@Girlfromsouthafrica
Your son's father's welfare is not your responsibility. He may be entitled to see his son but he is not entitled to any relationship with you and your husband. Separate your relationships.
Stay with your DH for whatever reasons you like for as long as it is making him, you and your son happy.

I wonder if some men have super sperm because otherwise how do deadbeats end up as father to so many children?

#missesthepoint