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Do you think you are a good mother?

84 replies

jennymanara · 14/07/2019 00:08

And whatever your answer why?
I am just interested really.

OP posts:
AloneLonelyLoner · 14/07/2019 18:30

I'm mediocre at best. My children are loved and want for nothing. They are healthy physically and mentally, they've never suffered any physical harm at my ands or anyone else's (that I'm aware of). I do adore them, but I could be so much better.
I have a couple of friends who consider themselves 'amazing mums' (their words) and inside I'm quite critical of them because some things they do or say to their kids make no sense to me. I'm wary now of anyone who claims to be amazing.

A good mother tries her best and doesn't go around believing she's aced the test.

KTCluck · 14/07/2019 19:00

I think I’m a good mum 75% of the time and 25% of the time I’m ok but could do better. DD is happy, confident, bright and, for a two year old, pretty polite and well behaved. I’m loving and affectionate towards her. She is clean, has a clean home, clean clothes, decent food, and a range of toys, though we are trying not to give her too much in the way of material things. We spend time playing with her and keeping her active, and she is read to at night and cuddled in until she eventually falls asleep. I am quite patient with her a good chunk of the time, listen to her, but I’m firm when I need to be.

However.

She spends longer in nursery than I would have liked (4 long days after grandparent childcare fell through) and while I don’t believe this does her any harm and she loves it there I do feel guilt that she spends so much time without us.

I am not always patient and there are times when I’ve snapped at her and felt awful afterwards.

I don’t always enjoy playing and will often try to sneak off to do something else. I spend too much time on my phone and while I’m trying to limit this there are times when I’ve been distracted when she’s trying to show me something or she’s spent too long watching tv. There are definitely days when her diet isn’t brilliant because we’ve been lazy, and she has more crap to eat than I’d like because I’m not assertive enough with her grandparents. I really need time to myself sometimes but feel guilty shutting myself away and leaving her with DH despite her asking for me. I suppose feeling some sort of guilt at some point is a requirement of a good mother. This thread has inspired me to try and be a bit better!

KTCluck · 14/07/2019 19:03

Oh, and I’m another one who was lucky enough to have had a fab mother myself which definitely helps. Although there are certain things that I’m carrying to do differently eg most of my really ‘fun’ memories are with my dad as he tended to take us out while she stayed at home and did the housework / laundry. I hope to be a bit more present in the fun bits.

Abouttime1978 · 14/07/2019 19:29

Right now I think I'm doing ok.

During the baby stage I thought I was rubbish.

I've not got good examples of parenting from my childhood, it was very chaotic and volatile.

But only time will tell. I'll see how the kids turn out.

I know that I'm trying my best and seeking professional help when needed, so hopefully they'll all be ok

Moominfan · 14/07/2019 19:41

It's such an emotional rollercoaster. Today I feel like a shit mum cause my child had cake for lunch and has watched way to much tv. But then I think I'm team good mum, he sleeps really well, he's behaved so well today, I've interacted really well with him. I took him out for the day. There's no happy middle ground.

If anyone has any clear objective measurements I'd love to hear them.

Moominfan · 14/07/2019 19:42

Oh he also tried some salad today for dinner without any coaxing.

mama1980 · 14/07/2019 19:51

I think I give it my best shot all day, every day and that that is enough.
My 21 year old dd thanked me in the acknowledgement section of her dissertation, she wrote that I was the strongest, most inspiring person she knows, and that she was proud I was her mama.
Good enough for me.

itsallafiddle · 14/07/2019 19:58

25 years in and I still have no fucking idea if I'm a good mum or not. How does one measure?

lljkk · 14/07/2019 20:25

Depends how you define "good mother".
Compared to some, sure. Nobody's bragfest, though.

Not so good: I hate organising other people's lives. Could enforce healthier habits.

Very good: I don't play emotional games with DC.

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