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Original poster

Come and talk to me if you have an 11 year old son...

60 replies

formerbabe · 13/07/2019 16:18

And reassure me that mine is normal!

He doesn't want to do anything at home that isn't screen based! It's driving me mad.

What do your boys do at home? Mine is really sporty, he's happiest in a field with a football and his friends. However, at home there's literally nothing he wants to do that isn't Xbox, tablet or phone. He's too old for toys, isn't into Lego...I've suggested endless activities but he's not interested.

Obviously, I encourage him to go out to the park which he likes as long as his friends are there, but it's not always practical if weather is bad or his friends aren't around.

It's nearly the summer holidays and I can't bear the thought of him staring at screens for hours.

It's so difficult to get him motivated to do anything. If I suggest days out, it's met with eye rolls, sulking and moodiness. God forbid, I tell him we're popping out to the shops! I feel like I'm being held prisoner because just getting him to get dressed and come out with me is an absolute battle.

This morning at 11am, he was told to get dressed as we were going out, this ended up with him stomping upstairs, muttering under his breath about how he hates us Confused

Have the teenage years come early?

Help!

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 13/07/2019 16:22

How about getting him rollerblades or a skateboard - bet that would get him in the garden to practice. Otherwise I’d suggest putting him in after-school sports clubs - 11 is far too young to be sitting at home all day.

Mum2Boys00 · 13/07/2019 16:25

I feel your pain! mines the same 🤦🏻‍♀️ we attempted a movie night last week, to which he replied "er na your alright thanks I'm playing with my mates" (on the Xbox) 🙄
I also have a 6 year old that wants to be out and about doing stuff every minute of the day, so finding a happy medium is sometimes a real headache 🤯

Original poster
formerbabe · 13/07/2019 16:29

Otherwise I’d suggest putting him in after-school sports clubs - 11 is far too young to be sitting at home all day

Oh, he doesn't sit home all day, because I make sure he goes out. But he complains the whole time unless he's going to play football with his mates.

I have found some local sports camps for the holidays but he's said he doesn't want to go, it's for babies (it's not, it's up to age 14,). I honestly think I'd have to drag him there.

He has a bike but refuses to use it because we insist he wears a helmet and that's so embarrassing apparently Hmm

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Teddybear45 · 13/07/2019 16:30

Sounds like a screen addiction to me. I think you probably will have to force him into a sports camp for his own good then set up some strict rules around the console (you could take the wifi router with you to work during the day for example).

GetTheStartyParted · 13/07/2019 16:32

My almost 11 year old is like this. We give him one day at the weekend to spend time on his xbox, phone etc and then the other is screen free. Also, if we plan things for both days, they are non negotiable, he has to join in.

If it's just general errands then he gets to stay home. He does sports 3 days a week (2 after school and one weekend morning) so I think he needs/deserves some downtime.

hettie · 13/07/2019 16:36

Limit the time on a screen and he'll find things to do....

Original poster
formerbabe · 13/07/2019 16:36

Sounds like a screen addiction to me

Perhaps but the problem is finding activities he can do at home instead of screens. Everything is too babyish apparently. I've ordered him a 3d puzzle which I'm hoping he'll enjoy...clutching at straws here!

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RollOnSummerBreak · 13/07/2019 16:37

My ds is like this. Hes now. 13 and it drives us mad. We have 2 set days in week that are no screen time at all. At first it went Down like a lead balloon, until I said one more moan and I'll add a day.. He moaned. I added a day. Hasn't happened since.
I'm a sahm. And have an active 1yr old that loves being out. It's hard to. Find things they'd both enjoy.
I get him to wrote down 5 places. 1 being a proper day out others being cheap or free. Ie local common or country park.
I then write down 5. And we put them in a box and pull one each a day out.. We have a couple of lazy days A week. That covers 2 weeks then.. We then start again. On the lazy days. I may see friends etc and he can stay in.
It worked last Yr and the easter hols. He knows that if he refuses to come out, I remove the WiFi box.

BentNeckLady · 13/07/2019 16:38

Mines 10 and exactly the same.

Teddybear45 · 13/07/2019 16:39

It’s because nothing is good as compared to the screen - his comments about non-screen activities being babyish along with the screen addiction would raise red flags with me. How sure are you that he’s only interacting with his school mates? I bet if you ban screens or limit them he’ll find things to do like a pp said.

Boysnme · 13/07/2019 16:40

My almost 11 year is the same. Happy to do other stuff but I have to really encourage it or he’d sit on a screen all day. We’ve Put him in a sports club for a good part of the holidays to give him something else to do.

missyB1 · 13/07/2019 16:45

Mines 10 nearly 11. He would be on a screen all day if we let him - obviously we don’t! He does however love his trampoline and will spend up to an hour at a time bouncing! Other than that it’s getting harder to entertain him. He has a table tennis table which he will play on if he has a friend over but only for about 20 minutes max. Then they inevitably ask for screens Hmm
I am resorting to sending him on one of those PGL residential camps for a week in August!

RainOrSun · 13/07/2019 16:45

I have a 10 year old like this.
Origami, board games, baking, reading (fighting with his brother) are the alternatives when I say enough screens.

Biking while I run. On days they haven't had PE, I try and walk with them for 30 mins in the evening. Moaned like crazy when I first instigated it, but now are actually quite keen, especially if it's just one child, so some 1-1 time.

flamingnoravera · 13/07/2019 16:46

I foster an 11 year old. His screen time is limited to 30 mins and can earn more minutes by doing other things and doing things with good grace (we call it good minding) first time of asking. Most days it ends up being about an hour to two hours on his games and the rest is scooting (with helmet or not at all). It's really difficult to get him to do other things but the incentive system to earn his time means he has to try stuff. We do lego- but I need to play with him, colouring, swimming and outings. His scooter has proved the best way to get him out doing stuff with other children. If he didn't have to earn his time I would never get him to do anything else. I feel your pain.

Lisette1940 · 13/07/2019 16:48

This is my ten year old! We limit screen time too. He likes reading and biking. Lego seems to have fallen by the wayside.

Original poster
formerbabe · 13/07/2019 16:48

How sure are you that he’s only interacting with his school mates?

Yes, I'm confident this isn't an issue. We have parental controls on everything and we check his devices and messages every day. He has no social media accounts either.

OP posts:
Original poster
formerbabe · 13/07/2019 16:50

I am going to buy some new family board games too.

OP posts:
Original poster
formerbabe · 13/07/2019 16:55

I was also thinking of making meal kits with instructions in the holidays and getting him to make dinner a couple of times a week?

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SandraOhshair · 13/07/2019 17:01

Following as I'm experiencing the same and restort to giving him 10 mins fair warning to come off, then he helps me with a chore or a job, walk the dog etc. It all starts with whining which drives me crazy!!!!

SandraOhshair · 13/07/2019 17:02

The meal kit idea is great. Will pinch that.

Pineapplefish · 13/07/2019 17:03

My DS age 13 is similar. It's fine in term time because he has loads of sport, music and homework to keep him busy, but in the summer holidays I'm having to think hard for alternative suggestions to the screens.

I had some success yesterday with this - would that appeal to your DS?

anothernotherone · 13/07/2019 17:08

I actually had a talk with dc1 at 11 about the problems which teenagers who get into the habit of only playing computer games in a darkened room often develop - from weight gain, loss of muscle tone, and vitamin D deficiency to violent mood swings and depression, and the social problems.

I suspect that I do have a slightly odd batch of children in some ways but mine took this very seriously indeed and it only takes a hint he's been on screens a lot the last day or two to get him to switch off.

Specifically with regard to online games we only allowed them with the fire warning befe he was ever allowed to play them that if we saw any sign of moodiness, aggression or addiction all screens would be removed for a long time. So he's careful not to kick off when called for dinner or to go out.

If my kids havent left the house by 2pm I make them either call for friends or go on a boring errand or nice trip out for ice-cream/ hot chocolate or whatever I fancy or need to do for an hour or two.

In the house is hardest I agree but all mine still like watching films together (ages 14, 12 and 8) with a parent and the older 2 like it even more if the 8 year old is at a sleep over or has a friend over and has been allowed the potable dvd player in his room for the night, so we can watch something not suitable for the youngest!

12 year old D's loves spot the difference puzzles and dot to ford bit only does them if told to, which may also be a bit niche Grin it's an expensive distraction from screens as he does them too fast though...

All the kids like playing board games if at least one parent is playing - try something a bit different like Last Day on Earth (zombie apocalypse game) or the epidemic game, or ours like various vaguely fantasy territory building games with campaigns, trolls, dwarves and vampires etc.

On the other hand it's perfectly fine to leave an 11 year old at home while you go to the shops, it's a bit mad to be a "prisoner" because your 11 year old doesn't fancy going to Tesco!

Original poster
formerbabe · 13/07/2019 17:15

12 year old D's loves spot the difference puzzles and dot to ford bit only does them if told to,

Oh I saw something similar in the Works this week. I was thinking of getting for him. He loves animals so I got him a grown up painting by numbers kit of tigers...he's not interested Sad
He's always been more sporty than creative.

OP posts:
anothernotherone · 13/07/2019 17:22

formerbabe yep my 14 year old has all sorts of adult painting equipment and artist's pencils and sketches, paints, is writing a novel...

12 year old would never draw or paint voluntarily but has this specific interest in spit the difference puzzles and dot to dot Grin it's a bit odd I'll grant you but I'm not going to knock it! They're logical, not creative - totally different thing to painting but for him calming and engrossing in the same way - just he zooms through a book in one sitting, which is too fast to make it economical every day!

There are loads of spit the difference and dot to dot books for adults on Amazon.

Original poster
formerbabe · 13/07/2019 17:26

@Pineapplefish

Thanks for the recommendation

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