Come and talk to me if you have an 11 year old son...

[formerbabe]

And reassure me that mine is normal!

He doesn't want to do anything at home that isn't screen based! It's driving me mad.

What do your boys do at home? Mine is really sporty, he's happiest in a field with a football and his friends. However, at home there's literally nothing he wants to do that isn't Xbox, tablet or phone. He's too old for toys, isn't into Lego...I've suggested endless activities but he's not interested.

Obviously, I encourage him to go out to the park which he likes as long as his friends are there, but it's not always practical if weather is bad or his friends aren't around.

It's nearly the summer holidays and I can't bear the thought of him staring at screens for hours.

It's so difficult to get him motivated to do anything. If I suggest days out, it's met with eye rolls, sulking and moodiness. God forbid, I tell him we're popping out to the shops! I feel like I'm being held prisoner because just getting him to get dressed and come out with me is an absolute battle.

This morning at 11am, he was told to get dressed as we were going out, this ended up with him stomping upstairs, muttering under his breath about how he hates us

Have the teenage years come early?

Help!

Mine doesn't mind coming out with us but is getting a bit screen based at home. Also he's a bit young for 11 so we probably have this to come! He is really into music though so will listen to it/practise it/read about it/talk about it which is good. In the evening will watch a film or play a board game. Sibling close in age so that helps as they get on ok. Our xbox is stand alone so he has to go out to interact with friends. On the down side he is not sporty. In the summer we camp so nobody has screens then and they have to be outside!

My nearly 10 year old is like this but I decided it’s not my job to find an alternative. He just has to deal with being bored without being destructive. So he can help me out, join me (eg I’ll go for a run while he’s on his bike) or sometimes I’ll do what he wants eg swimming.

But sometimes he just has to accept boredom or find something to do.

My 11 year old is out on his bike a lot. There is a wee gang of three of them - they call for each other and disappear out for hours to the park, climbing trees and building dens and getting filthy. Eventually they'll all end up at someone's house.

He is into Lego and quite likes doing creative stuff too - baking, crafty projects with me or his sister. He enjoys tennis. Over the summer we have him booked in for a week at a musical theatre workshop too.

Love the idea of him cooking dinner. Maybe he could bake cakes/cookies too.
Would he take care of strawberry plants, or a herb garden, if you bought them? Or cultivate a small patch of garden for veg or fruit. Or flowers!
If possible, would he be interested in helping to redesign, and then decorate, his bedroom?
Most 11 year olds like being given free reign with a hose pipe, so make him responsible for watering the garden every day, and washing the car once a week.
Swimming when they have the inflatables out. Maybe with a friend.

My 11 year old has ADHD which has its upside. He loves screens of course but has limited access. Despite that he never says he is bored or has nothing to do. He draws, scoots, skates, builds lego, makes his own board games, plans treasure hunts around the house for me, practices magic tricks, builds dens in the garden with old sheets, plays with the dog, makes cakes, takes broken electrical equipment apart, builds marble runs. His ADHD brain always seems to be able to find something to do!

Look also to see if there's a Coder Dojo in your area - it's still "screens", but it's organised, educational programming activities. It's not something my 11 year old is into, but his older brother loved it at that age. During summer holidays they usually run extra sessions.

I think you should let him out on the bike without a helmet. There's conflicting evidence about their effectiveness.

He'd be out with friends and socialising more then. Plus more likely to be invited to friends houses if he's out with them.

I think you should let him out on the bike without a helmet what ridiculous advice....while you’re at it Op why bother with a seat belt in the car

My 11 year old mainly bikes, swims, and ball games so days stuck in are screen based. He does seem to find it hard to do non screen stuff when sat at home. He does like cooking and will play a board game with me.

We had the screen problem too. Mainly fortnite, minecraft and Roblux with the boys and one of the girls. All very active outside the house. We decided to use the screen time issue to their benefit and started them on coding and the girl on programming through funtech. They will all be doing various courses with them through the summer and hopefully be learning a thing or two. We still do allow about an hour a day for gaming but their interest seems to have shifted to the coding and programming workbooks. Apart from that, lots of board games, puzzles, baking, painting and instrument practice. It's loud and a pain but it keeps them away from screens.

www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/21/bike-helmet-cyclists-safe-urban-warfare-wheels

Just one article about bike helmets. There's plenty of others. Otoh I haven't senl any evidence saying seat belts aren't effective.

If you fall off a bike and hit your head, a helmet will make the difference.

That’s the risk that wearing a helmet mitigates. Not the risk of being hit full stop.

My ds is 11 and definitely at the stroppy stage. He has a few chores he does every day. He moans throughout.

He loves fortnite and anything else on ps4. I limit this to one or two evenings a week after school. We are now on school holidays so he will do a little more and also be allowed his phone a bit more than normal.
Today was not a gaming day so he has downloaded some podcasts on his phone ready for our holiday, packed his bag and played with his baby brother a bit this morning. This afternoon after a strop about having to unload the dishwasher, he fought with his brother a little and then spent an hour or so painting some of his war hammer figures. His friends are into the game but he isn't really, so he just bought some to build and paint. Which keeps him busy.
He doesn't play with toys, will go on his bike, board games, see friends. He will help me cook and bake sometimes.
Not sure how I'll keep him entertained this summer and it's the first yr he hasn't been into toys at all

Mine is playing games or on trampoline - if out with friends they just want to go to mcdonalds anyway after playing football. He won't read (dyslexic) or draw and we've already had our holiday.
He is happy to do activities (cinema, swimming) but so much money..

Oh for goodness sake i hate these links

I don't know. I've heard of the debate with regards to cycling helmets. I feel like if I give in, I'm effectively saying to him that looking cool is more important than safety.

I think you could re frame it as "I've had a good think and a research and looking at the places you cycle and how mature you are, I've decided you can ride without a helmet. However I will be keeping an eye on you and any silly tricks etc mean you won't be going out on it".

Then if you can, drive around when he's out (if he cycles on roads) and keep an eye.

It's a hard age to balance and a summer of bike use might save your sanity.

Take all the devises away for the summer. You will have a much happier child at the end of it.
I've just done it with my son who broke up a week ago.
Surprisingly it's worked!!!!

I think they're just all about their friends at that age. My DS in an only so I generally take one of his friends out with us on days out. I don't really mind him on the Xbox at home as he gets plenty exercise and outdoor time. He will play board games, help prep dinner or watch a movie with me. No screens an hour before bedtime though, he can read or draw.

Teachermaths that argument is about the pros and cons of helmets at a systemic level. It's not denying that each individual is safer with a helmet.

It's the same as the argument that women shouldn't have to avoid walking alone down dark alleys at midnight. Women shouldn't have to change their behaviour, men should stop attacking them. If course it's true at a systemic level, but if your 18 year old daughter told you she'd be walking home down a dark alley at midnight after her shift in the pub in the town centre on a Friday night you'd offer to fetch her or tell her to walk in a group.

Cyclists should be safe on well appointed, wide cycle paths well away from drivers who should also all be cyclist aware - rather than cyclists wearing high visibility clothing and helmets to avoid being hit by cars. Never the less the infrastructure isn't ideal everywhere, plus plenty of cyclists have accidents without cars involved and if a head is going to hit the curb it'd be a cold parent indeed who'd prefer their child to have a permanent brain injury to prove the point that cyclists shouldn't have to dress for an accident...

this is helping keep the screens off. Not enough mind you but even I enjoy playing it with them.

I think you should let him out on the bike without a helmet. no helmet= no bike. It's that simple.
@RollOnSummerBreak I love your idea and am going to adopt it.

My Ds is 12. He is told to go find something none electronic to do.

He is a bookworm so does read, likes puzzles. We have bop it type games, he has restated guitar lessons so practices guitar.

Given a choice he would , play x box , watch tv, play games on his phone or watch YouTube.

I am also teaching him to cook .

My friend had a thing if they said they were bored she gave them a job to do. They soon stopped been bored.

I think you have had lots of good ideas for non-screen time. For my DS he has a daily limit and we encourage him to be discerning in how he spends it.. Not all screen time is equaL e.g. he has an app to create stop-motion animation and I would rather he was using technology to be creative in that way than mindlessly playing crossyroad etc for hours. Also his kindle paperwhite is a screen but we don't limit its use at all - all reading is good! Lots of outdoor time, cycling, running, swimming, sports club, he needs something active each day. Also he's started listening to podcasts (BBC world service 13 minutes on the moon landing is the current obsession). Board games, drawing, origami, baking, chores, and lately sewing or craft kits too. When friends visit then nerf guns usually feature.

Yes, lots of ideas...thank you everyone. Going to make a plan of action for summer holidays!