So ashamed and embarrassed.

[Cailleach]

So I went to the Job Centre today to sign on for JSA for the first time in my life. The lady asked me why I resigned and I told her that I was stressed and panicked and walked out of my last job.

After four years. It was the best job I ever had. And I fucked it up, because I am autistic.

For three months I have been applying for everything and anything and have had countless rejections.

So I burst into tears. I never cry. Ever. but I just couldn't stop. So in addition to the shame of signing on, I had the added humiliation of being a sobbing mess that everyone in the whole room was staring at.

I passed my pathetic CV over the desk to her and realised just how little I have to show for my 42 years on earth. I will never be able to retire, for a start. I know have to stay alive for my parents sakes but I am increasingly unsure if I will even be able to do that.

I have no idea why I am posting this really.

The answer to PIP applications is not always no - they said yes to me! Not only that but my specialist nurse then told me to check the award was right with the CAB, so I went to them, they appealed to DWP saying the award was too low, and DWP agreed with them so gave me a little more!

One thing is for sure, you won't get it if you don't apply. Ask CAB to help you.

You know who should be ashamed and embarrassed? Criminals. Liars. Cheaters. Not people who don't hurt others and who are trying to do things to better themselves. I am sorry you had a bad day. But the reason you had a bad day was at least because of a good reason. You were confronting something very scarya deep fear that all of us have, that our lives are useless and have no meaning, and that we are not doing enough to justify living on this earth. The fact that you got out there and actually tried to get a job, even though it didn't work this time, just shows how brave you are, and why you should be proud of yourself. Keep goingyou're already past the toughest hurdle. Congratulations!

OP, please try and apply for PIP. It is a significant amount of money (between £120 and £400ish) and will help you so much. I’d never claimed till this year however Autism and ADHD, and anxiety are kicking my ass and I absolutely need the money right now as I am unable to work for the first time ever.

Op i do not think stating you have a disability is a black mark.
I state i have one, i have done 3 jobs in the last few years, 2 temping and my now perm.
All of them i disclosed i have a disability.
Along with a lot of interview the temping all made allowances for me and so has my perm job.

PIP rates.
You do not have to be unable to work to claim PIP, but it is not an easy process and many claims have to go to Tribunal, so do be prepared to have a long battle.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/sick-or-disabled-people-and-carers/pip/before-claiming/how-much-you-get-and-how-long/