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Original poster

So ashamed and embarrassed.

80 replies

Cailleach · 12/07/2019 12:48

So I went to the Job Centre today to sign on for JSA for the first time in my life. The lady asked me why I resigned and I told her that I was stressed and panicked and walked out of my last job.

After four years. It was the best job I ever had. And I fucked it up, because I am autistic.

For three months I have been applying for everything and anything and have had countless rejections.

So I burst into tears. I never cry. Ever. but I just couldn't stop. So in addition to the shame of signing on, I had the added humiliation of being a sobbing mess that everyone in the whole room was staring at.

I passed my pathetic CV over the desk to her and realised just how little I have to show for my 42 years on earth. I will never be able to retire, for a start. I know have to stay alive for my parents sakes but I am increasingly unsure if I will even be able to do that.

I have no idea why I am posting this really.

OP posts:
TeaForTheWin · 12/07/2019 15:38

Was just discussing whether to declare disabilities or not today and apparently you should always declare it because some organisations (eg: councils) HAVE to give you an automatic interview if you declare it. Autism counts. You should declare it and then maybe you will get an interview and provided you carry yourself well enough through it, maybe you'll get lucky.

Original poster
Cailleach · 12/07/2019 16:03

I have just looked on the National Autistic society 's website but they have no support services for employment in Yorkshire.

Does anyone know of any such organisations in Yorkshire?

OP posts:
msmith501 · 12/07/2019 16:20

Maybe write to HR, apologise for the way things happened, explain about your autism and also how hard you have worked to ensure they never had a reason to query your performance. Zero to lose... and even less to lose by tacking on a line something like: "I understand you may not want to consider me for a future position but I'd like to state that were such an opportunity to arise, I would be grateful to be considered" - I've taken on quite a few people who have resigned and asked to come back.

Original poster
Cailleach · 12/07/2019 17:16

msmith501: unfortunately all I did was stick labels on boxes - in other words the sort of job that can be done by a trained chimp. I will have already been replaced and besides, it was three months ago. But thank you for replying, I appreciate it.

Mumwon: I am in South Yorkshire, but thank you x

OP posts:
cherriesandoranges · 12/07/2019 17:30

I'm so sorry to read this. Never feel ashamed for showing emotion. If you've reached the age of 42 and never been unemployed I'd say that's an achievement itself so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. I hope things get better for you. I'd take a brave pill and go and speak to your former employer and explain. What's the worst that can happen? You will be no worse off than you are now. Best of luck xx

mumwon · 12/07/2019 17:31

Sheffield area?
www.sheffielddirectory.org.uk/kb5/sheffield/directory/service.page?id=ShycOgIEKjc
you will need to check if it still exists & whether they can go further area
(ps my geography! I had to check where Sheffield is!)

Original poster
Cailleach · 12/07/2019 17:39

Thanks mumwon, I have emailed them to ask if they can help but suspect not as Sheffield is a bit far away really.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/07/2019 17:53

M&S are part of the Disability Confident scheme

careers.marksandspencer.com/helping-you-find-work

BlankTimes · 12/07/2019 18:22

Sainsbury's actively employ disabled people
www.about.sainsburys.co.uk/making-a-difference/our-values/our-stories/2017/you-can-is-working

sqeakywheel · 12/07/2019 18:30

You are protected against discrimination by employers and anyone in fact by the Equality Act 2010. Ring the advisory service for the Equality Act for advice about your legal rights and what reasonable adjustments employers can provide to support you in work. I know what you're saying about worrying that people won't employ you, but an employer who is reasonable won't be able to discriminate against you as they will be bound by the law as part of the recruitment process.
I'm autistic too!👋🏻

Original poster
Cailleach · 12/07/2019 18:58

Thanks Chaz and Blank, I will look at those. Unfortunately neither have stores or warehouses particularly near to me but I''ll check them out anyway.

Squeaky, in an ideal world no-one would be prejudiced against disabled people but in the real world it's a different matter. It would be impossible to prove you'd not been selected for an interview on the grounds of your disability, anyway.

OP posts:
mumwon · 12/07/2019 20:22

at one time (re disabled ww2 veterans) there was a law which meant that all firms over a certain size had to employ x per cent of people - it didn't work that well as it wasn't supervised/checked a certain politician when they were working in that department of government pointed to the fact that it wasn't working so rather than figuring out how to fix it discarded it - would it surprise you all to know that it was a Conservative MP & would it surprise their name? Maggie Thatcher

mumwon · 12/07/2019 20:27

dear OP if you contact them even if they cant help they may be able to point you to an organisation that can in your area - it may be a more generalised disabled support organisation but they should have the experience that will help you my dd is within the spectrum & helped by a local charity into work - you may find that working part time may be the best way forward as a way of coping with your anxiety. The other thing that might be worth while considering is approaching your local volunteering where you might be able to get some relevant work experience & confidence. Do you have any interest or hobbies that might be able to use?

Original poster
Cailleach · 12/07/2019 20:49

I need time for job searching now to be honest. Volunteering really isn't for me, I need time alone as much as possible really..

You know what really upsets me? I can't treat my parents. I can't afford to spoil them as they deserve. It breaks my heart. All my clothes have holes in them, nothing other than my underwear was ever bought new, and even most of that is so threadbare it's falling apart. I never go anywhere or do anything, no holidays, no days or nights out, no takeaways. No tv subscriptions, smartprice everything, most of my food is the yellow stickered stuff that's going off a bit. Tiny council flat. Second hand furniture. I cut my own hair with kitchen scissors, wash it in washing up liquid. No perfume, nothing nice. No pension. And I really don't care about that, I never have. As long as I had a minimum wage job, a roof over my head and my cat, I'm fine.

And now I don't even have that. I have to do this for another 25 years or so and I don't know how. I'm so frightened now.

I feel like I'm going to lose the fight this time. I can see it coming now. I have been fighting for 42 years and all my spirit is gone.

OP posts:
Onprozacandmyhighhorse · 12/07/2019 22:19

Your last post is heartbreaking. You sound completely worn down and at the end of your tether. Please see your GP and explain how you are feeling and ask for help. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone needs help sometimes so don't be afraid to ask.
I would suggest asking for a fit note for a few weeks just to take the pressure off you.
I know you said you are claiming JSA but if you have rent is it maybe Universal Credit? If it is, your work coach will turn off your availability for work and your job search activities. They'll explain how it works.
Once you feel ready to start looking for work there are programmes you can be referred to for support.
Please make sure your work coach knows that you are autistic as your claimant commitment will be tailored to take this into account.
I work as a Disability Employment Adviser in Jobcentre Plus. One of my customers who is autistic started a placement with a local employer. The employer told me at the end of the placement that if he wrote a description of the perfect employee, my customer would tick every box. That young man has now been working for that employer for 3 years and the employer actively promotes employing people with disabilities as a result. This is called Disability Confident. Many employers are signed up for this and the Jobcentre can approach them for you.
Please be kind to yourself. You've had a rough time but there are people who can help you. Take care x

Onprozacandmyhighhorse · 12/07/2019 22:28

By the way, to those people saying your work coach should have referred you to specialist provider at your first appointment I would have to disagree. Personally I would get to know the person and take time to find out what support they need and then discuss the options. A first appointment can be completely overwhelming and you can't bombard an autistic person with too much information.

giraffesarefab · 12/07/2019 22:33

If you are in Rotherham, please call sendiass at the council. I'm sure someone there could point you in the right direction. Or your local council (if not rotherham) have you tried them?
My son, although only 7, has autism. You have my utmost respect.

Original poster
Cailleach · 13/07/2019 09:31

Giraffes, thanks but their website says they are a service for users under 25. Sadly I am much older than that.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/07/2019 09:33

You can contact Remploy online or by phone

www.remploy.co.uk/contact-us

They should be able to give you some guidance too.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/07/2019 09:36

Here is the link to their finding work page
www.remploy.co.uk/individuals/finding-work-and-support-work

sqeakywheel · 13/07/2019 09:40

My dh is often part of interviews and there are strict criteria involved in selecting the right person. So it's impossible for them to discriminate against disabled people.

IDontGiveABagOfDicks · 13/07/2019 09:59

OP, have you applied for PIP? Also you may qualify for LCW (low capability for work) or the one higher than that (I forget the new acronym) meaning far less JC trips.

6demandingchildren · 13/07/2019 11:03

As an employer an Austistic person would more likley get a job with us as we find they are more reliable, trustworthy and dilligent. my son is autistic and i hope people see him for how amazing he is.
good luck with your future and i belive that things happen for a reason so lets hope good things are going your way.

Original poster
Cailleach · 13/07/2019 21:20

Idon 't, no, I hadn't considered asking for PIP but as far as I can see the answer to that is always "no" and tbh I haven't got the energy for a fight at the moment.

6demandingchildren, thanks for your kind message.

OP posts: