Kids constantly sneaking and eating sugary snacks!

[adonemumofthree]

NC’d for this.

I have 3 girls, one of secondary school age and 2 still at primary. Very active and busy kids and all 3 are naturally quite slim and healthy!

We like our food and both myself and husband are good cooks and the DC have a balanced diet with plenty of variety, we are also pretty normal in terms of snacks and I have never been too precious about them having a packet of crisps after school or the occasional can of lemonade and it’s never previously been an issue moderating what they eat.

They do come and ask if they want something out the treat cupboard or fridge (toast and fruit is for a free for all) I know this isn’t a very popular parenting choice but I’m paranoid about their teeth and it’s also bloody expensive making sure there is enough there for the week without them digging into all the school snacks.

Over the last 6 months the youngest two have started sneaking food, eating and stashing the rubbish, this isn’t just the extra chocolate biscuit but packs and packs of biscuit, breadsticks, crisps, chocolate, cake, anything really that they can get their hands on! sometimes it’s when we are not looking during the day but other times (and I find quite worrying) it’s first thing in the morning before we get or after we have all gone to bed, it’s starting to feel quite secretive/bingey which I’m petrified is going to turn into an eating disorder.

I have been so careful about how I’m handling it as obviously don’t want to food shame them but this morning I came down and read the riot act (fuelled mainly by the fact that we are pretty skint this month and I had carefully worked and bought out how much we needed for the next few weeks) after finding 2 empty boxes of cereal bars, and an empty bag of fruit flakes and two innocent little faces looking at me saying “It wasn’t me!!” I think the the lying was the final straw!

So much so my youngest has gone to school without a lunch because I told her she wasn’t getting the previous included chocolate biscuit to which she replied “fine I won’t eat my lunch” to which I replied “fine it saves me making it!!” Not my proudest parenting moment and a 1st for me but the whole situation is making me quite sad and stressed.

I don’t think it’s necessarily the amount of food they are consuming, obviously it’s not great but I also know it’s kid like to want to eat lots of treats but I’m worried about the behaviours along side it, the lying, binging, hiding, even me having to ask them to constantly stop doing it, however understanding I have been in the past, It doesn’t sit right with me to constantly checking and judging their food choices which I’m still doing, albeit for the right intentions.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice or has had similar with their own DC and how we handled it. DH is a lot firmed than me and has said we either stop buying it (which I don’t think is fair on my eldest DD or me!!! ) or we get a lock for the kitchen door but again I’m worried that this is just another from of food shaming!

We are free range in our house too, but I don't keep any form of junk/packet snack food in the house because of this. If the kids are hungry they have a wide variety of healthy food. Most of the time they will just eat normal amounts of food for their age/size etc. no excess snacking or sneaking. If you have only healthy options you might find they weren't really hungry, just bored or the snacks taste good. 'Treats' are actual occasional treats. Dessert if we go out to an occasion dinner, ice cream on a holiday, sometimes money to spend at the school canteen. I can't control what they eat at friends houses, and don't try too.

Phase them out if you don't want to draw attention to how much they are eating. You should impose a blanket rule of no food outside of the kitchen/dining room due to the possibility of attracting pests.

My mum was anorexic until she was mid 30’s and she was terrified of giving me and my sibling a fear of food / eating disorder. Her methods were to always allow us to load up our own plates with the amount we wanted but if we took it we should finish it. Fruit or yoghurt only after dinner, with the occasional proper pudding once a week (mousse, cake, crumble, pie or ice cream). No particular snacks pre-meals but free rein for the fruit bowl, milk or bread. And her best thing was a permanent sweet bowl option available. I don’t particularly remember when the bowl was introduced but it has always been there, with small mini sized sweet packs and nuts. We apparently weren’t offered chocolate, muffins, biscuits etc but once a week on a Friday after school could buy whatever we wanted like that.

My eating habits have been massively affected by my husband but I still don’t buy treat foods as standard, he however considers most junk food to be essential so must have chips etc in our freezer and have easy access to high sugar fat stuff. I’m going to try to ensure I’m laid back with my baby similar to my mum.

Im not sure what s the answer.
dc1 is the same, this started when he was in Y6 and walked back home on his own. He is 16yo and there is still stash of food in his bedroom (and yes there are plenty of food available in the house. but not the stuff he is buying aka crisps, chocolate etc..).

the one thing I ve done is to make regular comments about him bringing the food down. If he wants crisps, fine but no hidding.
And I talk a lot about food for health (in egneral or about me and H, not about him).
The thing is he is very slim, still eats well. What he eats isnt great but overall his diet is still much much better than most..... I dont have much traction there.

Some kids, like some bigger people, just ARE more prone to wanting the sugar-carb hit. Its probably a phase but you do need to get them to understand the lying and sneaky behaviour is not on.

I think I’d approach it by taking them shopping with me, letting them choose some of what is available as ‘treat’ snacks, and then dividing them into 3 boxes, one for each child. They can self-regulate what’s in there and when they eat it - if they scoff all their stuff on Monday then they are choosing not to have it available for a packed lunch option for Tuesday onwards and will just have to have extra fruit etc. That deals with the blaming it on each other and lying stuff.

I think your packed lunches and general food for the family sounds fine and you absolutely don’t want to get too hung up on it. Maybe have a family baking session once a week with a child each time choosing that week’s baked delight- get them more involved with genuine choices is I guess what I’m saying, in case it is a control and growing independence thing.

Sorry @adonemumofthree I said in my last paragraph that I don't know what could have helped me. I genuinely don't know what anyone else could have done.

My mum says I started stealing sweeties and biscuits from the kitchen as a toddler and she would find the wrappers in my pillowcase. It's something I've done my whole life and even now as an adult I can't have freedom around food because I will always, always, always pick the junk food. Bizarrely I actually really enjoy healthy food but sugar sends me fucking mental, like crack cocaine. I have acted like a proper junkie in the search for junk food, once standing on a chair to raid the top of the kitchen cupboards in case DH had stashed chocolate up there.

fwiw dc2 has been brought up the same and has the same opportunities to go and buy crisps etc... he doesnt and chose nuts to eat instead (his favourite snack atm is cashew nuts....).

For me, my son cravings for sweet stuff is coming from anxiety (which is also one reason i didnt ush too much re the food)

The eco impact of junk food and sugar plantations is a big motivator for my children.

Also the excess packaging: you mentioned fruit flake packets.

Spots a concern.

DD can get very anxious we have talked about the impact of food on mood. Every mouthful affects your brain chemistry. Food is a drug. She pays attention to how her mood is affected. She now won't touch sugar, juice or heavy meats when worried.

BlueSkiesLie, when you say you binge on cheese or lean meats, how much exactly do you consume during such a binge? Do you eat a whole family-sized block of had cheese in one sitting, two blocks? if we compare it to a family pack of crisps or a whole packet of biscuits. I enjoy cheese, but I can only eat a whole round of mozzarella in one go, maybe two if I haven’t eaten all day. Or have two big chicken breasts maximum if I am gorging. But I cannot physically eat any more of those. How many packets of apples can you eat? I love sweet apples, but I am unable to eat a whole pack of them.

Sadly, I have no problem putting away a whole cheesecake and going back for more, or a whole packet of biscuits. I just can’t stop once I start. Carb addiction is real, anybody with insulin resistance will tell you. You have a bite of cake and you want more. If you have sugary floury carbs every day, your body physically craves them. And they are not good for you, low in nutritional value and bad for your gut, blood sugar, mental agility. There is literally nothing good about them other than a sweet taste. I am sure alcoholics enjoy the taste of booze and the rush from it, but there is not a shadow of a doubt, it is ruining their bodies.

I don’t agree with everything in moderation because with certain foods moderation is impossible to achieve, so the whole thing falls flat.

it’s either don’t buy it or expect for my 10 year old to be going through to the kitchen in the middle of the night and eating 4 or 5 cereal bars in the dark and then going back to sleep!

This is so clearly addictive behaviour. Replace with booze and the person will be unequivocally classed as addicted. While we laugh and joke about sugary ‘treats’. Well, the science has already demonstrated that the damage to the liver from alcohol and sugar overconsumption is identical. Non-alcohol related fatty liver anybody?

We need to wake up and smell the coffee as the society. But we are still dancing around ‘treats’.

I've never bought sweets or chocolate except at Easter and Christmas. Neither DD nor I are that bothered by it. I do buy bags of mini Cheddars, mini Babybels, ice lollies and I hard boil about 10 eggs every Sunday evening. Sometimes oatcakes, DD loves chicken skewer packs, things like that. When she was at school, that was basically her lunch with a piece of fruit and a wrap with egg/meat/cheese/salad.

I've read before about a box/cupboard with lunch items in. Out of bounds.
Then each child gets a box of treats to last the week plus your toast/fruit.
Could that work

Agree with King
All this snacking is ridiculous.
They dont need extra carbs or sugary stuff just because they are active ,its what children are meant to do !
There is no harm in being hungry either.
Its really odd .
All the parents I know in RL insist they are avoiding too much sugary stuff but actually their DC are grazing on it constantly with all the snacks.

Get a cupboard where there is a mix of healthy snacks and some crap. They are allowed a certain amount in there to help themselves to as they want in the week but once it's gone it's gone.

It gives them some control but also you. Lock everything else away

I don't buy them. Helps me too! I also have grazers but they definitely eat better if i say no entry to the kitchen an hour or so before dinner. I buy lots of fruit and they can have that, or hummus, or a bit of toast

I buy a packet of biscuits a week. It goes almost straight away but its fine ad its just once a week and there are 4 of them!

Interesting thread. Your approach sounds very well balanced op.
Just a cautionary tale to all the hysterical people on here who are slating the op & piling in with their views on certain foods & food groups.
I grew up in a house where there were very few treat foods. My dm was a good 30 years ahead of her time with healthy eating. Everything held up as a signal of virtue today was what we were given. Home made wholemeal bread, allotment grown organic fruit & veg, homemade natural yogurt etc etc. Cereal bars (that had to be bought from health food shops as it was hard to get these in the 70s/early 80s) were a major treat.
Guess what? My dsis & I hated it & grew up with phenomenally tilted views on treats. We bought, stashed & ate junk food in secret as soon as we were able to. When I left home I went a bit mad really & stuffed myself on junk resulting in a cycle of binging/dieting which went on for many years. Don't for one minute think this won't happen to your own dc! The dc from 'we don't eat that...' families are always the first to become desperate for treats because there's just no balance.
A few treats available is not the end of the world, learning a healthy attitude towards them is the best thing to do. Your talk sounds spot on OP, maybe hide a couple of things so there's some left for the lunches!

Interesting Shiny
My parents were the same but what I realise now is that their diet was very carb laden with very little protein, meat ( baaaad) fish ( expensive) didnt like eggs .
We had treats after school on a Friday, Birthdays,Christmas.
It wasnt all or nothing and no one is suggesting that.
The opposite of bingeing doesnt have to be complete denial.

One of mine is like this. When he was younger it was rooted in anxiety I think - he has ASD and I think he misinterpreted the feeling in his stomach as hunger - and he could put away a scary amount of food overnight (once at the age of seven half a loaf of white bread, a tube of pringles, full packs of biscuits and various other things in one go - I knew because that day I had found and binned all the wrappers from previous binges). That level of binging thankfully stopped after the period of extreme stress (parental separation) had ended, but he's still a demon for anything remotely snack-y.

In the past I have resorted to locking doors overnight but he doesn't tend to get up now - it's more when he's at home by himself after school as he's now a teenager. It has helped to have labelled boxes for each of us for chocolate or sweets - he seems to draw the line at things that are explicitly someone else's - but that doesn't help for things that are communal like ice lollies or crisps. Mostly I've had to accept that it's just the way he is, but it's hugely frustrating when the younger two have never done it but have had the same environment!

Thats a shame ruby

My dmum was similar, sugar was bad, hommeade bread, home grown veg. Very very rare sweets. I think it was fab! Healthy, filling and tasty

ShinyRuby, you are right that I absolutely disagree with the idea that one MUST have rubbish in their diet or horrible things will happen. If you are a kind of person that will have a small sliver of cake and leave half of it on the plate, this thread’s concerns are alien to you. The OP’s children can’t stop/control themselves around sugary snacks (I can relate to that) and providing more of the stuff, plus an easier access to them will give the children in question more opportunities to eat those and increase the quantities of sugar consumed. This so doesn’t work.

The smokers who are trying to stay off the stuff don’t have a ciggy to help them keep on track. You are in a situation where you can’t control yourself. So don’t expose yourself to the problem more.

My children still have ‘treats’ (aka rubbish food at in-laws, a dessert with their school lunches, cake at birthday parties etc)

I just don’t keep this sort of food at home and normalise consuming it with every meal/throughout the day. No, I don’t include it in the list of essential foods.

sugar is so addictive and so bad for you, I just think it’s best to avoid temptation and not have it in the house! Maybe once a week let your kids have a sugary treat and buy it then and there, but that’s it. We don’t need sugar in our lives. It’s already hidden in so many foods if you ever buy pasta sauce or have crisps etc.

My Mom also kept a handle on unhealthy foods with occasional baking or treats. I am grateful to her for making the effort as I now know it is hard work maintaining a healthy and balanced family diet.

As a result of my Mom’s upbringing, all of the siblings eat any vegetables, grains, pulses, fish. No fussiness. I see it as a good thing.

Compared to my DH who would live on pop, biscuits and chips with everything if left to his own devices. This is the stuff he was brought up to eat and still reverts to as a default.

Sugar is so addictive. The more they binge the more addicted they become. You need to stop buying so many snacks. It shouldn't be unfair on your eldest because you need to educate the whole family that they don't need sugary snacks all the time. If you can wean them off so much sugar they should hopefully be able to enjoy the odd sugary snack without being totally addicted.

I do feel for you OP as there is so much sugar in everything these days.

I have 2 DC and they wouldn't dream of raiding the kitchen for food. It wouldn't even occur to them. And I never did as a child.

Are the kids competitively eating, OP? Eating stuff to prevent someone else getting those particular treats?

When mine were small and I was a single parent, I'd shop once a month. The kids would go straight to the 'treat's (which would be a multi pack of crisps and a few packs of cheap biscuits) and take ALL of the ones they wanted, at once, then hide them and eat them, to stop someone ELSE taking it first.

I stopped buying any treats at all, as I got fed up with all the crisps being gone except the ones nobody liked, by day three. They don't seem to have suffered much, and have mostly grown up not much liking sweet things at all, which puzzles me.

DD can get very anxious we have talked about the impact of food on mood. Every mouthful affects your brain chemistry. Food is a drug. She pays attention to how her mood is affected. She now won't touch sugar, juice or heavy meats when worried.

This is just an invitation for DD to develop an eating disorder.
Imagine sitting down with your child and telling them 'FOOD IS A DRUG, IT AFFECTS YOUR BRAIN CHEMISTRY AND WILL TURN YOU INTO AN ADDICT'
Even if the above is true, it's not something to force down someone's throat (pun not intended.)
The above thinking is disordered in itself - and is already causing restrictions.

Awful.