Kids constantly sneaking and eating sugary snacks!

[adonemumofthree]

NC’d for this.

I have 3 girls, one of secondary school age and 2 still at primary. Very active and busy kids and all 3 are naturally quite slim and healthy!

We like our food and both myself and husband are good cooks and the DC have a balanced diet with plenty of variety, we are also pretty normal in terms of snacks and I have never been too precious about them having a packet of crisps after school or the occasional can of lemonade and it’s never previously been an issue moderating what they eat.

They do come and ask if they want something out the treat cupboard or fridge (toast and fruit is for a free for all) I know this isn’t a very popular parenting choice but I’m paranoid about their teeth and it’s also bloody expensive making sure there is enough there for the week without them digging into all the school snacks.

Over the last 6 months the youngest two have started sneaking food, eating and stashing the rubbish, this isn’t just the extra chocolate biscuit but packs and packs of biscuit, breadsticks, crisps, chocolate, cake, anything really that they can get their hands on! sometimes it’s when we are not looking during the day but other times (and I find quite worrying) it’s first thing in the morning before we get or after we have all gone to bed, it’s starting to feel quite secretive/bingey which I’m petrified is going to turn into an eating disorder.

I have been so careful about how I’m handling it as obviously don’t want to food shame them but this morning I came down and read the riot act (fuelled mainly by the fact that we are pretty skint this month and I had carefully worked and bought out how much we needed for the next few weeks) after finding 2 empty boxes of cereal bars, and an empty bag of fruit flakes and two innocent little faces looking at me saying “It wasn’t me!!” I think the the lying was the final straw!

So much so my youngest has gone to school without a lunch because I told her she wasn’t getting the previous included chocolate biscuit to which she replied “fine I won’t eat my lunch” to which I replied “fine it saves me making it!!” Not my proudest parenting moment and a 1st for me but the whole situation is making me quite sad and stressed.

I don’t think it’s necessarily the amount of food they are consuming, obviously it’s not great but I also know it’s kid like to want to eat lots of treats but I’m worried about the behaviours along side it, the lying, binging, hiding, even me having to ask them to constantly stop doing it, however understanding I have been in the past, It doesn’t sit right with me to constantly checking and judging their food choices which I’m still doing, albeit for the right intentions.

I just wondered if anyone had any advice or has had similar with their own DC and how we handled it. DH is a lot firmed than me and has said we either stop buying it (which I don’t think is fair on my eldest DD or me!!! ) or we get a lock for the kitchen door but again I’m worried that this is just another from of food shaming!

My 10yr old DD does this. She's found where I hide them in my room. I'm going to get a lock on my door.

Have you noticed it’s always sugary carbs people binge on? Nobody binges on steak or aubergines. Even sweet fruit, how many would one have?

There is clearly a problem with sugary carby type of food , same as processed food or fast food. Human body can’t handle it well. We can’t stop, as if it disables the off switch with the first bite. Not to mention the inability to digest it properly with liver/pancreas being clogged with fat, tooth decay, blood sugar problems. IMO biscuits aren’t worth the hit to one’s health. It is no treat if it makes you ill. I am with your DH. What we don’t see, we can’t want. Easier just not to buy it and not have it in the house.

Out of interest for all of you that don’t buy/limit snacks/treats during the week what do you make and put in your DC’s packed lunches?

My kids do a lot of sports at school, more often or not have an after school club and then also go on to do animals/active hobby at night. Like I said in general they have a very balanced diet and offer go to school with cous cous or pasta salad, hummus and veg dips, Greek yogurts, all different varieties of fruits but I also feel they need some carbs and a bit of sugar to keep their energy up, I occasionally bake (would like to more often) but any other ideas would be great. Xx

If they are little and often eaters then maybe add a couple of decent snacks- almost like a mini meal?

The behaviour comes from somewhere.

I would hesitate to have food locked away. I think that sends a negative message.

I would experiment with feeding them a bit more and see how it goes from there

We don't limit snacks, the only one at home is an always hungry sporty teen. We have introduced a light tea at 4 pm so they can last till dinner time. So, scrambled egg, eggy bread, soup and bread, sandwiches. Still hungry by 8 pm though.

My children are very sporty. They don't need a cake for carb energy though.

Adone all the packed lunch items you mentioned as the main part are absolutely packed with carbs. If anything I'm struggling to see where they get enough protein and good fats.

It looks like you eat an extremely carb heavy diet even in the main meals.

Carb addiction is a real thing.

You might want to track your macros using an app for a while. Even without your "treats" you are unbalanced towards excess carbs I bet. Get the macro balance right and you will likely see carb cravings reduce.

Either lock it all away or don’t buy it. Nobody needs packs and packs of junk food in the house anyway.

@TowelNumber42

Interesting, I wouldn’t have classed natural yogurt and fruit or hummus with veg (carrot sticks, sugar snap peas or even even a small portion of wholemeal pasta with normally more veg “carb heavy”

Out of interest can I ask wha you you would put in your children’s lunches on a day to day basis?

Out of interest for all of you that don’t buy/limit snacks/treats during the week what do you make and put in your DC’s packed lunches?

I make bigger meals and keep snacks smaller. Fruits have plenty of carbs and sugar, there's not need for more of those from processed food. We do lots of fruit including sometimes a fancier home made fruit salad, also do oat cakes with cheese, veg with hummus, falafels, boiled eggs, yoghurts, then occasionally home made muffins and flap jacks. Much cheaper, healthier than processed food and not much more expensive.

Bullshit food shaming
Totally this !
Mine would get a rocket up their arse if they did this .
Stop buying so much junk .
The more they eat the more the want it.

My sil keeps a box in her car boot with snacks in so my nephew can't raid/eat them out of house and home

@adonemumofthree

Thanks for the good ideas there, will take them on board and realise on my part I could make a lot more (slightly healthier) home made options.

Muffins and flapjack sounds like a shout.

Nooooo! Muffins and flapjacks are sugar-laden junk food!

Mixing the sugar and flour together at home instead of a bakery doesn't magic the useless harmful carbs out of them.

I don't think it solves the problem to lock the stuff away or stop buying it, I think the Op wants to get to the cause of the behaviour. For me locking/not buying is a quick fix.... I want chocolate or treats in my house and I want my children to ask me if they can have some, I think that's fair.

I personally would talk to.tham.calmly about your worries that they are becoming addicted to these foods ( lying and hiding consumption is all part of the addictive behaviour). Talk to them about how they feel about it and how they feel about it . Listen to them. I guarantee the eating is not making them happy

Sometimes giving them control is what is needed. Ask them if they enjoy the things they are eating and if so do they want to have a few days of eating unrestricted junk and keep a record of how.it makes them feel . If yes, let them do that. Maybe they will see the longer term consequences are not worth the short term pleasure.

Alternatively they may suggest not buying stuff, if they do then don't buy it. . They need to come up with their own strategies and you need to support them ( even if you think they won't work). Imposing stuff on them won't help. .

If they strategies they suggest don't work, get them to try others. Don't give up. But let them lead on the solutions.

Mine are younger and I put a plate on the bottom shelf of the fridge which will have some cooked chicken, ham, cheese etc. Then we have a food dome thing on the island which has nuts, crackers, fruit. Sometimes I make savoury muffins or and put them in there. I do put dried fruit, but they scoff that so limit it. Go shopping with them and tell them to find things they'd like to try that don't have sugar in them. Mine have come back with Japanese crackers, scotch eggs, all sorts.

Also teach the. How to make a sandwich, poach an egg in the microwave etc. A peanut butter and banana sandwich on whole grain granary is fairly balanced.

Have you noticed it’s always sugary carbs people binge on? Nobody binges on steak or aubergines. Even sweet fruit, how many would one have?

Nah. I can happily binge on fruit, on cheese, on cold meats, on steak if there was some already cooked and cut up in slices in the fridge...

I find not starting the mindless snacking helps. So once I go to the fridge and take a slice of cheese, that starts me wanting more and I go back and back to the fridge. If I make a small plate and eat it off a plate at the table, then I’m done and don’t go back for more and eat less.

I have spoken to them calmly, we have talked about how the food choices we eat make us feel and which fuels our bodies and how important it is to to have a diet that makes our body happy and healthy.

I have upped meal portions added, extra snacks, suppers etc in, token the pressure of and pretended not to see all the vanishing food but none of this is working hence me losing the plot this morning.

The previous poster is right, I don’t think it is about whether the food is there or not there as they get older there is always going to be unhealthy food temptations. I think it’s important to build a relationship with food from early on and I need to look into why at the moment it’s either don’t buy it or expect for my 10 year old to be going through to the kitchen in the middle of the night and eating 4 or 5 cereal bars in the dark and then going back to sleep!

Surely neither of those options is encouraging or building a healthy relationship with food!

Thanks @winterisstillcoming these are great ideas.

This is exactly how my eating disorder started, though I will caveat this by saying my mum was OBSESSED with us not getting fat and so watched our food intake like a hawk and even took me with her to slimming group from the age of 12.

However, the stealing junk food and eating it in secret is how it started. I did it at home, at my gran's, I asked friends to buy me junk food with their lunch money as my parents never gave me any. Any spare pocket money from family went on sweeties from the corner shop and it escalated until I was stealing money from my mum's penny jar to buy food.

It was nothing to do with hunger, it was the sugar I wanted. I don't have any advice as I don't know what could have been done to help me. I'm almost 30 and I still secretly binge eat and have struggled with my weight and a binge/restrict cycle for 20 years.

DD is the same, she eats out of boredom and because she wants the taste of something nice. I have all the same worries as you regarding eating disorders, OP.

You asked about lunches. We send wraps, cherry tomatoes, cucumber sticks, yoghurts, cheese strings (boke), and occasionally a packet of Cheddars.

@amusedbush

Can I asked you what would have helped you at that age? And how you think I can help avoid it going any further?

How about some savoury muffins, I see lots of cheese and vegetable muffins recipes that look so tasty.

You seem to be confused about food groups.

I suggest reading up on some low carb diet stuff. I am not suggesting you do a low carb diet just read the sites because they are marvellous for explaining all about carbs.

Try www.marksdailyapple.com/ or www.dietdoctor.com/ for a start.

I make sure my children have hot lunches at school. Mostly through laziness admittedly.

If they have to take a packed lunch they typically have a chicken/ham/tuna mayo salad sandwich/wrap and some water. That's it.

If the meal or lunch you are giving them leaves them hungry then give them a bigger portion instead of giving them some other less healthy and less filling food on top. If you need to put in crisps, muffin and banana then the lunch was too small. Whack some extra chicken and oil in that pasta salad and give them more of it.

One DS will happily buy a tub of "sandwich filler" tuna sweetcorn or egg mayo from tesco and eat it with a spoon as a snack between school and training.

The other DS begs me to provide cooked cocktail sausages, cold chicken drumsticks, pork pies, sauage rolls, red peppers and carrots to snaffle from the fridge as main snacks. Often with Branston pickle or ketchup.

DD could eat fishfinger butties all day, even cold in her lunch box. Lumps of goats cheese too (can't tolerate cow's milk unfortunately). She likes an apple with her cheese. She will often microwave an egg for a snack (a skilled activity) that she has will a bit of bread or just eats from the microwave mug with a spoon.

We rarely use the word snack in our house really. We talk about second breakfast or dinner starter. The children thought up those names when younger. It reflects how when hungry we need to eat a good amount to be not hungry or else the desire isn't actually hunger is it?

Treat in our house isn't a synonym for sweets. A treat is any nice extra thing like being allowed to play more Xbox, or have a takeaway, lie on the sofa reading, have a super nice cake just for the sake of it.

I do stuff my face on a giant bag of M&Ms from time to time though. And the DS sometimes spend their money on tubes of Pringles or the Maryland cookies on special offer and wolf them down in minutes. DD always buys some haribo on school trips and does like a bit of chocolate on a Friday after school.

Could your older primary daughter be under any pressure at school? Maybe someone has said something about her pack lunch and now she feels embarrassed to eat in front of them, so she is trying to fill herself up and it's escalated?
Could someone be taking her lunch.... Seems unlikely but, you never know.

When you talked to them about it are they shame faced or do they find it funny?

If you are worried about harping on about weight maybe just mention their teeth, the cost, the fact that they are disobeying you.