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Original poster

I know we’ve had these threads before but morbidly obese person on the train

116 replies

TrainWWYD · 11/07/2019 21:11

I was at a meeting in London all day, train home at 5, so absolutely rammed by the time it got home.

I managed to get a seat (set of two) near the window. It was boiling hot on the train so I was already feeling hot and flustered. A woman got on the train and the seat next to me was the only one free.

In the nicest possibly way she was very very overweight, if she’d sat in the seats on her own she would easily have taken up most of the two seats. Instead she asked if she could sit down, obviously I said yes but she couldn’t fit on the seat facing forwards so she sat facing out into the aisle with her back towards me.

As soon as she sat down I squashed myself up against the wall to give her more room but she was pressed up against me with her back as people were trying to move past her in the aisle.

I suddenly got this horrible feeling of being trapped and started getting really panicky. Once the train left she couldn’t have got up even if I’d asked her to as there were people stood on either side of her legs in the aisle. The more the train moved the more she was pressing into me and the more hot and panicky I got and started feeling sick and then panicking about being sick and not being able to get up.

I tried moving more towards the wall but she just pushed up even more. I’m not big at all and she was easily taking up her seat and half of mine but was facing away from me.

In that situation would you said anything? Moved? I feel silly for sitting there feeling so panicky for an hour now. Spoke to my friend about it and she said I should have just asked her to move but I didn’t want to embarrass her in front of everyone in the train (quiet carriage too)

OP posts:
Mitebiteatnite · 11/07/2019 21:39

@TrainWWYD so why not offer her your window seat?

Disfordarkchocolate · 11/07/2019 21:41

I think she has as much right to travel at the time she needs as anyone else. I also think she would have been made to feel uncomfortable no matter where she was because people judge fat people. I'm sure she was as mentally and physically aware of the situation as you were.

Growuppeople · 11/07/2019 21:43

CallMeOnMyCell they could Stand? Shock

CallMeOnMyCell · 11/07/2019 21:44

@Soola no of course not but I genuinely don’t see what this woman has done wrong. Rush hour in London call be hell and you just have to get on with it.

Original poster
TrainWWYD · 11/07/2019 21:44

No I wouldn’t have had a panic attack regardless.

I very very rarely have them anymore. Like I said I traveled into London this morning on a packed train and I was fine because I could move in my seat. I watched a film this morning but honestly couldn’t have had my elbows out holding my phone in front of me this afternoon. I was folded in on myself!

OP posts:
CallMeOnMyCell · 11/07/2019 21:45

@Growuppeople why should she stand? There was an available seat.

MrsMiggins37 · 11/07/2019 21:45

It does sound unpleasant although your reaction sounds surprising at best.

HesTheFastestKidAlive · 11/07/2019 21:46

I had this once whilst 7ish months pregnant on a four hour flight. A man sat next to me was morbidly obese and really should have bought two seats- if there were any regs about passenger weight per seat he would have exceeded them. He spent most of the flight leaning onto the seat in front of him to make up for the width discrepancy, and I spent most of the time squished into poor DP.

I was mostly annoyed that at no point did the airline staff look to address this. I'd certainly have been in denial about needing two seats if it were me! But with my massive bump and his size I think we both had a horrible flight and he was quite embarrassed so hopefully it's a lesson learned for him!

Expressedways · 11/07/2019 21:47

I’ve had this loads of times. Usually I just say excuse me as if I’m getting up at the next stop and go and stand. Yes it’s annoying when you’ve got to the train early to get a seat but I’m much more able to stand than someone that’s very large and it’s a hell of a lot more comfortable than being squished up next to the wall unable to breathe properly.

TopiaryTractorTart · 11/07/2019 21:49

Oh another thread to make overweight people feel shit about being alive and using public places. Marvellous.

ComeAndDance · 11/07/2019 21:50

In that sort of situation I always make sure that the armrest between the seat is down. It’s a old way to ‘protect’ my space. I also refuse to squash on the wall and let the person ‘touch’ me. Usually a couple of times is enough for them to be very careful p.
In this case, probably even more so as she wouodnt have known what was happening behind her back (aka what was happening to you) but wouod have been aware of people pushing past in the alley.

FWIW I’ve done that quite a few times but it’s usually with men who think they can just spread themselves....

AiryFairyMum · 11/07/2019 21:52

In fairness, she probably needed to sit down more than most so as long as I felt able I'd have excused myself and stood by the doors. Did you really need a seat?

HiacinthBouquet · 11/07/2019 21:53

Oh another thread to make overweight people feel shit about being alive and using public places. Marvellous.

The OP never said that nor did other posters on this thread. What the OP did say is she didn’t like being squashed in their seat. I don’t like being squashed in any seat by people overspilling theirs. It’s not fat shaming, it’s not trying to make overweight people feel shit about using public spaces, it’s about not wanting my seat encroached by another persons body.

ComeAndDance · 11/07/2019 21:54

I dint agree she should have been standing at the door actually. Why should she?
But I think she couod have been more aware of not invading your space (even though with her back towards yu I’m guessing that was hard to do) just as much as you should have been making her aware she was invading your space (why didn’t you?)

TitianaTitsling · 11/07/2019 21:55

'did you really need a seat' ? Why shouldn't op have a seat?!

Myheartbelongsto · 11/07/2019 21:56

No armrests on these trains. Of course she has to travel, personally if I was her I would either get to the train early and take a window seat or stand at the doors as many other people were doing

Yes, and so could you op.

Geminijes · 11/07/2019 21:56

@CallMeOnMyCell

why should she stand? There was an available seat.

But she couldn't fit on the seat, she was too big for just one seat.

SciFiScream · 11/07/2019 21:58

I think given the way you were feeling OP you could have found a way to move. Even if that meant several people shuffling around so that you could move. If you felt the need to say anything

"oooo, ouch, ooo I've got cramp in my leg/foot - I need to stand up"

Mitebiteatnite · 11/07/2019 21:58

DH is 6'4 and half as wide, though not a scrap of fat on him. He doesn't fit into most train seats. Would you have such an issue with that? Or was it just because she was fat?

Supersimpkin · 11/07/2019 22:00

The problem is panic attacks, not whether the other passengers had too much for breakfast, as you know OP.

But you didn't have a panic attack, and well done you. Drink water slowly while you travel and do deep breathing if you're ever stuck like that again. Or move.

Soola · 11/07/2019 22:02

@HiacinthBouquet perfectly put.

Back in the 80s/90/ when I used the tube every day it was rare to see an overweight person.

What is the solution nowadays when so many more people are not just overweight but as the op says, morbidly obese?

AiryFairyMum · 11/07/2019 22:05

I'd always give up my seat of someone who needed it more arrived after me. That could be an older person, pregnant woman, someone with a disability or someone who was very overweight, as I'd imagine they might struggle to stand more than I would. I know some people have hidden disabilities and some who look old or who are overweight would rather stand, but I'd offer. And if I didn't fancy sitting next to someone else, I'd be the one to move.

Original poster
TrainWWYD · 11/07/2019 22:05

I did get there early. So I could have a seat. Now I should get up and stand for an hour because someone else is taking up more than one seat?

I’d feel as uncomfortable if some huge gym bloke came and squashed me up against a wall. It’s about being aware of the space you are taking up and other people’s personal space

OP posts:
Soola · 11/07/2019 22:06

@Mitebiteatnite the issue is that the woman was so large she was encroaching on the op and squashing her.

Is your husband in the habit of squashing other passengers?

Growuppeople · 11/07/2019 22:06

CallMeOnMyCell As said above she couldn’t fit and OP was there first? I’m not skinny but I have self awareness. if I didn’t fit on the ONE chair available I wouldn’t

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