How important is how you look to you?

[sayalittlerayer]

Body, hair, makeup, clothes, etc etc etc.
What's important to you and what's not important and why?
Approaching 45 and trying to suss out a balance and looking at reasons as to what makes me feel good/not so good, I think I dress quite youngish for my age. I like to look nice but realise a more mature, demure approach is on the horizon.

Looking good is important to me but I'm not very good at it! I see women with amazing style clothes-wise and I'd love to look that, but I am very hit and miss with putting great outfits together. I wear only trainers and flat shoes as I like to be comfortable.
I've put on a bit of weight (from 8-10 to 12-occasionally 14 depending on shop) and am sort of not arsed, but sort of am. I feel much better slimmer so I exercise.
I wear make up mainly outside the house, but not loads.
I have curly hair and in my head it looks glamourous and sexy, but in reality it often looks a mess! Lol this was revealing!

I’m really struggling with this concept that making an effort with your looks is “looking after yourself” as so many of you have said. Ultimately it’s advertising and other people’s influence that has “sold” you that idea. Yes you will say “but I do it for me” but that’s because you measure your looks by those around you. You are competing whether you want to admit it or not.

I have a lot of relatives who live in a small town in Europe. The area has nice mountains, plenty of nature. When I go to visit there and go into town virtually none of the women are wearing makeup, or a very minimal amount. Their hairstyles are simple. Clothes are practical but nice. Their lifestyle is to eat healthily, gets lots of exercise etc. That is “looking after yourself”. Most of my relatives there have lived till their 90s. My DD loves going there, she said herself “I love how there’s no pressure here to wear make up etc”.

As I said in my pp, “looking after yourself” is about health not make up.

Asta19 yes, I agree with you. The woman in my family who takes best care of herself is my aunt, aged 74, who runs every day, cycles into town and back (the town being at the bottom of a steep hill), grows all her own organic veggies, eats lightly, wears no make-up, dresses in sporty, practical, but definitely not fashionable clothes, has lots of friends and an active social and intellectual life. She doesn't give two hoots about how she looks - it's all about her health - both physical and mental. However, for me, my mental health is affected if I don't look nice. It's patriarchal bullshit and I wish I hadn't absorbed it, but my DM raised me to 'make the best of myself', to wear make-up, be interested in fashion, and she also comments if I've put on weight, have visible grey hairs (despite her own grey hair ), and gained any wrinkles. It's hard to feel good about yourself when those around you criticise you when you don't look a certain way.

I prefer the natural look in myself and others. Fake nails, brows, lashes etc aren't my thing. Makeup definitely makes me look better and I wear it occasionally. Since stopping drinking my face looks better. I think it's great if you don't feel you need to wear makeup to be confident.

It's pretty important but in a natural way. Im a farmer and work part time in an office so generally don't wear much makeup but I always make sure I look clean and put effort in keeping my skin nice and clear. I keep my nails short and clean and i get an eyelash lift once or twice a year. Im a curvy/hourglass size 10 and I like to keep healthy but it's just to make sure I'm rocking my jeans. My dress sense is quite plain, jeans and a plain t-shirt or jumper mainly but I exercise and eat well to make sure I'm filling out my clothes nicely and look good

@Asta19
It's advertising and other people’s influence that has “sold” you that idea. Yes you will say “but I do it for me” but that’s because you measure your looks by those around you. You are competing whether you want to admit it or not.

100% agree.

It’s much more important now than when I was young. I am middle aged so pretty much invisible and for my confidence and self esteem I want to be the best looking middle aged woman I can be. I know some people will find that shallow but I’m doing what works for me.

And looking good doesn’t have to involve buying into advertisers traps or spending fortunes. 15 minutes yoga a day doesn’t cost me anything, nor does blow drying my hair carefully.

(The regular highlights/Botox/manicures are another story).

The competition aroused in women by patriarchal influences is astonishing. I recall an incidence of a company moving from business to business casual. The men just swapped one uniform for another. Instead of suits and ties - they all wore a similar mix of blazers, chinos / slacks, polo shirts or work shirts open (as worn by the boss). However there was an unholy row between the women. Some women felt others were wearing items too revealing for work. There was a lot of bitterness and rancour (mainly amongst the women). The men enjoyed being spectators saying "I don't mind at all if some girls want to wear lowcut spaghetti strap tops and flip flops 😋"

Asta19 perhaps you missed the bit where I said I watch my weight...that’s why I eat healthily, alcohol? I very rarely drink, as for exercise, I’m in a walking group and I exercise daily!!! No idea why taking pride in oneself is considered ‘preening!’