How important is how you look to you?

[sayalittlerayer]

Body, hair, makeup, clothes, etc etc etc.
What's important to you and what's not important and why?
Approaching 45 and trying to suss out a balance and looking at reasons as to what makes me feel good/not so good, I think I dress quite youngish for my age. I like to look nice but realise a more mature, demure approach is on the horizon.

Important. I’m the wrong side of 50 and I went through a spell after ds was born when I was v depressed and felt horrible.

Now I spend time but not too much money on decent shoes, clothes that make me feel good - natural fibres, colours, well cut.
I’m more cheerful & optimistic as a result.
I don’t need new things frequently and I buy a lot in sales to wear the following year but nothing shabby or cheap.
Being single, I dress much nicer. When I was with ex It was all about him and I had no time for me. Now I do . I am much happier being single.

It has never (at least in adulthood) been particularly important to me: smart for work, quirky out of work, hair often overdue a cut,
My (LC) has been making comments about my lack of grooming since I was 20ish.
Then if there is some kind of event I go into a flat spin as I never have anything suitable (hence current thread in S+B). So although it isn't important to me per se I am very sensitive to offending the sensibilities of others.

Not important. My sense of self worth and self identity is not strongly linked to the way I look. I rarely wear make up, and don't spend much on clothes.

In reply to dustybun I've been married for 15 years.

It's important to me and I've tried to change my style so many times to find out who I am that I really just don't know. I have pixie short hair and don't feel feminine despite dressing so. I love my short hair but think everyone thinks I look like I've given up or am a lesbian. If I wear lipstick or earrings my OH takes the piss and I'm just at a loss as to who I am. I think I think and worry too much as in reality no one actually gives a stuff

It is important to me to me slim and fit, I am in my 50s and happy to exercise and eat moderately to retain my petite frame - to me, fat would feel frumpy.
I look smart for work, but I am very casual at home, but I can still scrub up on special occasions. I have never been beautiful, so I haven't minded aging - if anything it has been a leveller.

I couldn't care less. I'm 47 and married. My job, general daily life, and my hobbies all include getting disheveled, dirty or smelly.
I wash my hair every day but only really style it if we're going out for a nice meal or similar. I rarely wear make-up.

Not all that important, really. I've never managed to for example motivate myself to healthy habits or weight loss on the basis of my looks. I've always done it for reasons like fertility, IVF, and currently my own health in general.

I keep my hair cut in a style that I don't need to do much with - just a quick blow dry. And I've recently gone through my make up habits and re-vamped things a bit. But I can't find many fucks to give, sadly. In theory I'd like to dress well, but hate shopping and hate most clothes I come across, so end up just picking whatever I hate the least.

Lately I’ve been having nightmarish flashes of a horrible suspicion that I look like what I am.

Maybe it’s because they no longer care, maybe it’s because of poor self esteem and feeling invisible to men so giving up

Or maybe they just don’t define their own worth by their looks. All this talk of “letting yourself go”, what is that? The only “requirements” we should feel obliged to comply with are a reasonable level of hygiene, fresh breath etc. Hair, make up and clothes are just the window dressings. If women want to do those things, great, if they don’t, then that’s ok too. It’s not ok to put people down because they don’t have the same priorities.

When I leave the house I am clean and presentable. Am I glamorous? Not at all. Am I going to give into the pressure of glamorous women judging me? Hell no. My self esteem is perfectly fine, I just prefer to spend my time and money on other things.

@Dustybun LOL! I have no trouble attracting dates and 2nd dates. I’ve never owned a dress or a skirt and never worn make up on a date.

I’ve been married, had a few long term relationship and plenty of flings and one night stands. No man has ever been less than complimentary about my looks.

Visually, I suppose I’m tall and have always been average in build. I don’t think men are pondering the lack of highlights and makeup when I’ve hit nothing on!

*when I’ve GOT

Very. It doesn't help I have a chronic illness which makes me feel like shit every day either. I look after my skin and everything and have nails and all done, but I just never feel content in my own skin.

My sense of self worth and self identity is not strongly linked to the way I look.

I think this is key for me. My looks are not something that I consider defines me and that has been the same when I was single as well as married. I will dress for the occasion but otherwise I am happy with casual and comfortable.

I think it’s a shame that a lot of women seem to stop bothering as they get older I haven't changed as I have got older but then again I don't actually care whether anyone judges me or not on my appearance. I would be more bothered if they thought I was stupid or ignorant than 'letting myself go' because I don't dress 'well'.

I REJOICED (inwardly) whenever a man checked me out

I find this so very depressing. Why are strong women still having to seek validation from strange men based solely on their looks?

I REJOICED (inwardly) whenever a man checked me out

This isn't an experience I can really identify with. I got plenty of attention from men, but it always creeped me out enormously, if it was an obvious kind of attention. I was a sexual abuse survivor and experienced some other violent "male attentions" as a teen, so unwanted attention from men was the last thing I wanted. I gained a lot of weight in my 20s (which I luckily mostly lost in my 30s), and I wonder if it wasn't actually a purposeful attempt to try to make myself safe and invisible.

We should absolutely be CELEBRATING being "invisible" to predatory males. Who gives a shit what they think anyway?

I find this so very depressing. Why are strong women still having to seek validation from strange men based solely on their looks?

I used to find that depressing too till I thought about the reasons behind it. If a man notices an attractive woman then in biological terms it’s because he sees her as a potential mate ie still fertile. A woman going/gone through menopause is very conscious of the fact that she is not Young and fertile anymore. That ship has sailed and for many women they are a bit sad that they are past their physical peak. Once they become invisible to men then that is confirmed, they know they are no longer seen as young enough to procreate with. Some women can find that reminder that they are ageing quite depressing.

A man noticing the way she looks despite being past reproductive age is a massive morale booster, I suppose. How many times have you heard an older friend laughing and saying “ha, I’ve still got it!” It means they are still noticed for being “young” when maybe actually they are starting to feel anything but.

So even though at the moment I don’t feel the need to dress to impress, I can now fully understand why some older women feel the need to do it.

A woman going/gone through menopause is very conscious of the fact that she is not Young and fertile anymore. That ship has sailed and for many women they are a bit sad that they are past their physical peak

"Past their physical peak in the eyes of men"

Why do you give a shit?

Hardly at all. I'm depressed and really fat, and I can't bring myself to care enough about my appearance (or health, really!) to lose weight.

Don't really care about any of it. Would be nice to lose some weight, but it comes and goes. I wear whatever I like or feel comfortable in, with no regard of what's in or not. No creams,potions or whatever.
I rarely wear makeup.
I only "indulge " in fake nails (less hassle and stops me biting/picking my fingers into bloody stubs) and dyeing my hair in crazy colours(in the summer).

I don't see it as letting myself go or that I stopped caring, I never really cared to begin with.

"Past their physical peak in the eyes of men"

No just past their physical peak. In biological terms, in the eyes of everyone Bodies age, there is no fighting it. Happens to men too, they get a gut, start losing their hair. Younger women don’t give them another glance. That’s when you get middle aged men starting up cycling etc when they’ve never before cared about keeping fit.

I can take it or leave it. Depending on where I am and what I'm doing. At work, I do like to dress smart and where make up as part of that. I can happily go out without make up though and am not be one of those who can't go to get a pint of milk without a face of slap on.

I don't think there's anything wrong with making an effort or not making an effort as long as you are happy in yourself. I do feel sad for people who have no confidence and that shows in either making no effort at all or going to the other extreme and trying to over compensate for it by doing too much.

My looks are extremely important to me but I'm very low maintenance. I shower and rough dry my hair but don't wear makeup.
I consider myself lucky In that I prefer a casual natural look. I don't care what other people do but I don't like how make up looks unless it's very subtle.

I like my figure and like to stay slim. I'm in my 50's and am happy with my slightly wrinkly skin and stretch marks. I love the fact I look strong and sporty.

Clothes wise I like to wear clothes I think I look good in but, again, I prefer a casual look so am happiest in jeans and a teeshirt. I don't like designer or expensive clothes. They just aren't my scene. I think heels look awful although I know lots of people love them.

Maybe some women think I look like I don't care about my looks but I really do. It's just I'm happy with how I look. I'm no model but I feel I am attractive enough.

It’s important to me. I have very robust self esteem and know my worth but i still want to look good! I’m in my 60’s and I take a pride in myself, watch my weight, regular haircuts, regular waxing appts and like to dress well and I always wear make up when I go out.

As some posters can’t understand why others want to take care themselves, I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t!

I don't give hoot about my appearance. I shave my hair to a #1 every week, so that is zero effort. I don't wear makeup, I don't use skin creams, cleansers, etc, just water to wash my face. I'm a jeans and tshirt sort of person, although I do have some nice bits and pieces from Blackmilk. It takes me 15 minutes from getting out of bed in the morning to leaving the house and I wouldn't have it any other way. There's not enough time in life to fuss about how you look.