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Original poster

Please critique this email to my friend (re. visiting)

61 replies

pasturesgreen · 10/07/2019 16:09

Next month I'll be in X European capital for 10 days on my annual holiday. I've never been to X.

My friend 'Sarah' lives about 40 miles from X. Sarah and I haven't seen each other in person in years, although we're in regular contact on social media. We get along well, but we're very different characters with different interests: Sarah is mid-50s, married and has a teenage son, is an extrovert and very much a life-and-soul person, who loves dancing and partying. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, of course, but I'm the polar opposite: mid-30s, single, no children, reserved, a bit shy, prefer my own company, can't dance to save my life - you get the picture.

I'm not averse to meeting up for dinner or drinks once or twice, but if I'm being realistic my main focus on this holiday will be to visit X, not to catch up with Sarah, iyswim.

When I tell her I'm going over, Sarah will want to arrange something, though, and is not the type to take no for an answer (know from previous experience of mutual friends who've been to X in the past), so I wanted to send a pre-emptive email to politely clarify I plan to do my own thing most of the time:

Dear Sarah,

[...innocuous chit chat...] I just wanted to let you know I'll be coming to X from xx to yy. I'll be staying at Z hotel in central X. I know you and DH will be working during my stay and you'll have your own commitments and things to do, so please rest assured I'll try my very best not to be in your hair and don't expect or need to be picked up from the airport or ferried round.
I've also already arranged to visit A and B towns for three days while I'm there. I do completely understand that it's a busy time of the year for you and DH, and I don't want to make more work for you, but I was thinking it'd lovely to meet up for drinks or dinner on an evening that suits you!
[...additional innocuous chit chat...]

All the very best,

Pastures

So, what does the collective MN hive think of my draft? Gets the point across? Bit abrupt? Can be improved? I've been tying myself up in knots a bit over this, so any help would be greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
Original poster
pasturesgreen · 10/07/2019 16:11

Sorry, didn't mean for it to be quite so long Blush

OP posts:
Haworthia · 10/07/2019 16:12

Can’t you just keep it simple, and ask her if she’d like to meet for dinner one night?

I’m like you, and would rather die than go out somewhere with music and dancing, but I don’t think you need that preamble.

Saucery · 10/07/2019 16:12

I’d cut out the bits about not needing to be in her hair or picked up/ferried about and be very clear about which days and time of those days when you can meet up.

QueeniesPotOfRouge · 10/07/2019 16:13

I’d go the other way based on what you’ve said: mention that you’ll be very busy but would love to catch up. Otherwise you run the risk of her saying, oh, we’d love to see you every day and ferry you around, it’s really no problem!

Musicalstatues · 10/07/2019 16:13

I don’t understand. You’re going on holiday. If you want to see her just drop her line and let her know you’ll be nearby on x dates and it would be lovely to meet up for dinner one night.

I think you’re making it unnecessarily complicated. She doesn’t even know you’re going and you’re already telling her not to worry about driving you around? Honestly that sounds a bit weird to me.

shumway · 10/07/2019 16:13

I get what you mean but I think it's a bit too self-effacing.

Soola · 10/07/2019 16:13

No need for all that, it reads clearly that you’re fobbing her off.

Blah blah blah I’m coming to x on XXXXXX and will have one/two evenings free from my schedule and it would be great to meet for a catch up.

Keep it simple and short.

LickYouLikeACrispPacket · 10/07/2019 16:13

I think you’re way overthinking this!

All you need to say is shall we meet for dinner one night and take it from there.

alostpainting · 10/07/2019 16:14

Just don’t tell her you’re going? Your email sounds like you really want to meet up. If you do, then why don’t you say - are you free on x date as lll be in town? Don’t tell her how long you’re going for or where you’re staying. Better still, don’t tell her at all.

I have social media friends who visit the town I live in and when I see their photos etc I never think they should have included me in their trip

msmith501 · 10/07/2019 16:14

Hi Sarah, I'm on holiday near you soon and would like to catch up for a drink within the busy schedule I've got. I've got loads of trips etc sorted but maybe an evening drink with a meal would be possible. These are the two evenings I may have free....

Close it down rather than open it up...

ImpossibleGirl86 · 10/07/2019 16:16

Honestly, I don't think it gets the point across at all! I don't think you need any of the filler about not expecting to be picked up etc.
If it were me I would just say I'm very excited to be visiting X, and have planned to spend my time doing a, b, c, and that it would be lovely to spend an evening catching up with you at a restaurant in Y, if you can let me know which evening suits you best.

ExpletiveDelighted · 10/07/2019 16:19

Just say I'm in X for a holiday, will be free on this day and that day, it would be lovely to meet up one evening.

Brakebackcyclebot · 10/07/2019 16:20

Totally agree with other posters. Your email could easily result in a reply like this - "oooh we aren't busy, in fact we're both off too, we'd love to drive you about and entertain you. It definitely won't put us out and won't give us more work - we'd love it! Hotel Z is one of our favourites!".

You definitely don't need to tell her your exact dates, or where you're staying,

It's too wiffly waffly.

I would go with "Dear Sarah, I'm coming on holiday to X soon. I have loads planned, but would love to meet for a drink one evening. How about x or y date?"

implantsandaDyson · 10/07/2019 16:22

It's all a bit waffly and it actually sounds like you're dying to meet up.

Hi Sarah,

I'll be in xxxxxxxxx for a week around . Was wondering if you would be free for a catch up - maybe dinner one night? Just let me know if it suits.

Short and direct - don't get sucked in to plans you can't extricate yourself from

msmith501 · 10/07/2019 16:22

Stop appeasing your friend who you haven't seen for ages. I'm thinking you're going to be seriously disappointed in each other - times move on and people change

Original poster
pasturesgreen · 10/07/2019 16:24

Point taken, thank you! I'll keep it short and sweet.

OP posts:
ShagMeRiggins · 10/07/2019 16:25

“Dear Sarah,

[...innocuous chit chat...] I just wanted to let you know I'll be coming to X from xx to yy. I'll be staying at Z hotel in central X and I was thinking it'd lovely to meet up for drinks or dinner. Are you free on X, X, or X date?

[...additional innocuous chit chat...]

All the very best,

Pastures”

PatrickMerricksGoshawk · 10/07/2019 16:25

Do you have to tell her you're going?

Pipandmum · 10/07/2019 16:26

No it actually sounds like you are hoping she will pick you up and ferry you about! Just say
Sarah I’m coming to X from y to z and would love to meet up one day (or evening) to catch up! Are you free any time then? We have a busy itinerary but I can be flexible,
Hope to see you
Pasturesgreen

Soola · 10/07/2019 16:28

@Brakebackcyclebot from now on I shall be incorporating wiffly waffly into my vocabulary! That’s one of the best things I’ve ever read on here!

FelixFelicis6 · 10/07/2019 16:28

Agree with above. She’s not the type to take no for an answer? She sounds overbearing and tiring. Say no, and mean it. And work on your assertiveness! Tell her when and where you’ll be free, and that you already have plans for the rest of the time but if she’s free, great. Your email sounds like you’re desperate to see her to be honest so I’m a bit confused!

SandAndSea · 10/07/2019 16:29

Rest assured, it's not at all abrupt. I do think that it might be a bit too waffly and indirect though. I think you're focussing too much on trying to seem like you're considering her needs, when really, that's not what it's about at all. She could easily come back, insisting it's no trouble at all and the next thing, you'll be partying hard!

So, I would keep it much shorter and I wouldn't give her all your dates. How about saying you've already got a few things booked in but are free on (give a couple of dates and times) if she'd like to meet for a quiet evening?

LoafofSellotape · 10/07/2019 16:29

[...innocuous chit chat...] I just wanted to let you know I'll be coming to X from xx to yy. I'll be staying at Z hotel in central X and I was thinking it'd lovely to meet up for drinks or dinner. Are you free on X, X, or X date?

Perfect!

Do NOT send the email,it sounds just like you're fishing for a lift and to spend lots of evenings with her!

sonjadog · 10/07/2019 16:33

Dont send that email! It sounds like you would really like her to ferry you around etc.

Send something like, "I am planning on visiting (city) from x to x dates. There's lots I want to see and I have a busy schedule planned but I would love to catch up with you one evening while I am there. Would one of the evenings of (add a couple of dates) suit you?

chipsandgin · 10/07/2019 16:41

I would think the original email a bit odd - especially the bits about being in her hair/ferrying about/how busy they are - if you aren't staying with her, this is the first she's heard of it and are 40 minutes away then it's really presumptuous to assume all of that, plus you are being rude about turning down something that hasn't been offered yet!

Also I can't bear being communicated in a faux concerned for me/patronising way when someone is clearly trying to push their own agenda but make it sound like they are doing me a favour - really avoid all the grovelling stuff if you can..(I realise it's not always intentional - it's just my Mum's favourite trick and most people can see straight through it, it causes an almost physical cringe when I hear it!)

So - definitely what Pipandmum said ^^, or most of the short messages..you might even enjoy seeing her, you never know!!

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