Please critique this email to my friend (re. visiting)

[pasturesgreen]

Next month I'll be in X European capital for 10 days on my annual holiday. I've never been to X.

My friend 'Sarah' lives about 40 miles from X. Sarah and I haven't seen each other in person in years, although we're in regular contact on social media. We get along well, but we're very different characters with different interests: Sarah is mid-50s, married and has a teenage son, is an extrovert and very much a life-and-soul person, who loves dancing and partying. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, of course, but I'm the polar opposite: mid-30s, single, no children, reserved, a bit shy, prefer my own company, can't dance to save my life - you get the picture.

I'm not averse to meeting up for dinner or drinks once or twice, but if I'm being realistic my main focus on this holiday will be to visit X, not to catch up with Sarah, iyswim.

When I tell her I'm going over, Sarah will want to arrange something, though, and is not the type to take no for an answer (know from previous experience of mutual friends who've been to X in the past), so I wanted to send a pre-emptive email to politely clarify I plan to do my own thing most of the time:

Dear Sarah,

[...innocuous chit chat...] I just wanted to let you know I'll be coming to X from xx to yy. I'll be staying at Z hotel in central X. I know you and DH will be working during my stay and you'll have your own commitments and things to do, so please rest assured I'll try my very best not to be in your hair and don't expect or need to be picked up from the airport or ferried round.
I've also already arranged to visit A and B towns for three days while I'm there. I do completely understand that it's a busy time of the year for you and DH, and I don't want to make more work for you, but I was thinking it'd lovely to meet up for drinks or dinner on an evening that suits you!
[...additional innocuous chit chat...]

All the very best,

Pastures

So, what does the collective MN hive think of my draft? Gets the point across? Bit abrupt? Can be improved? I've been tying myself up in knots a bit over this, so any help would be greatly appreciated!

@dontgobaconmyheart

"If you have nothing in common and have to spend time planning how to avoid her when on holiday, what is the point of keeping in contact anyway? I don't mean that rudely, just curious"

This is also a very good point. It sounds a bit like the friendship has run out of steam anyway.

As an introvert with I used to mirror/maintain contact/reply to chatty e-mails in kind with people I didn't really get on with out of habit.

But it was just a bit weird playing social "cat and mouse" and having to come up with excuses when THEY thought we were closer than we were?

If you have nothing in common and have to spend time planning how to avoid her when on holiday, what is the point of keeping in contact anyway? I don't mean that rudely, just curious

^ That is a perfectly good point, and something I've been asking myself. Just out of habit, I suppose. We met when we were both single and child-free and were quite close back then, both living in the UK and sharing a fairly niche hobby.

Then Sarah moved abroad to be with her now DH but we've kept in touch. Now it's more for old times' sake than anything else, I think. Sarah has been back here a few times, although not very frequently, but we haven't met in recent years as I'm often away with work and it just never coincided.

@sonjadog totally agree with you

Tell her you're free for coffee one afternoon if she's available.

You're way over thinking it.

Your proposed email sounds like you are guilt tripping her into making time to see her. She could very easily feel she should make an effort so as to not upset you.

As others said, give two dates, well in advance, that you are free to meet up

How big is place X? Does she even need to know you're there?

I kind of wonder if its an age thing here - when I was in my 20's I did have friends who were 20 years older than me as I found them easy to get on with at the time.

As time went on, I think I started to find them a little bit pushy and intense and domineering, and we had nothing in common?

They weren't treating me as an independent adult - it was like they were quite lonely and awkward themselves and were "using" me as someone they had to "look after and guide" to make up for their own problems.

So I was "sad single woman" who "needed taking in" and I wasn't allowed to have holidays or special occasions alone because of course I'd prefer to hang out with them and their (often tense and weird) families.

I mean you don't trust her not to "try to dominate your schedule". End of. You work hard for your ten days holiday why the FUCK would you want to jeopardize that?

I mean I'm in my 30's and next big holiday I'm going on solo I want to:

1. sightsee cool places
2. set my own schedule
3. stay in bed eating local food and napping a few afternoons
4. Meet people and speak the language! But I mean locals my own age or with common interests which I've set up via meetup and online sites. Even a hot local date might be good.

Not waste days with someone 20 years my senior who wants me to "tag along with their family activities" and make polite conversation with their surly teenage children. Or go to parties/events with people I have NOTHING in common with. And then me to have to "appear grateful for their consideration!".

If she was truly a friend worth keeping she'd inform people visiting the local area to "call her if they needed anything or tips" and leave it at that, not "I won't take no for an answer."

Drop the waffle! Hi Sarah I’ll be in x on these dates and if your around I would love to arrange a catch up.

Allipanda has it right. If you want to meet up with her then message her once youre there maybe half way through and say im free on so and so day. Also try and do lunch and have something "booked" for that afternoon so you can get away. Your last post however makes me think you just dont tell her youre going and enjoy it all without any of this hassle

How close will you be? To be honest I wouldn’t say anything. I wouldn’t expect a Facebook acquaintance to tell me that they’re in the vague vicinity of my city. If you want to, send a much blunter email saying that you’ll be free one evening. the original email makes it sound like you want to see her lots.

Don't tell her what hotel etc you are staying in. Might encourage her to 'pop over' one evening.

I think "Hi Friend. I'm in x for a few days on holiday. I've got a pretty hectic schedule but would be good to meet for dinner one evening whilst I'm over. I can do either x or x date. Let me know".