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Original poster

Do you ever not send your child to school?

96 replies

Sonicknuckles · 09/07/2019 13:47

For example on the odd occasion if they are completely worn out/run down but not exactly poorly as such.

OP posts:

CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 15:19

I also value my DD's mental health. I don't think we're doing our children's mental health any good at all by not teaching them to be robust and pandering and letting them wallow.

PinguForPresident · 09/07/2019 15:23

Nope. Even if my kids are tired in the mornings, they're full of beans when they come home. School isn't optional and it's not helpful for kids to think they can opt out of something if they're tired.

mbosnz · 09/07/2019 15:23

I don't think we're doing our children's mental health any good at all by not teaching them to be robust and pandering and letting them wallow.

LOL. You sound so like my mother. She was very hurt when she was not in her children's confidence when they had mental health issues (PND, depression, anxiety etc). I'm afraid I cracked up when she asked me why I hadn't told her, and said 'why the hell would I?! Your views are very well known'.

One of my girls had PTSD, after the Christchurch quakes. She got the requisite therapy and support, and got through that - plus 15,000 aftershocks, without a day off school (apart from when school was closed as a result of the quakes). I think she's reasonably robust and resilient. But I don't take that for granted, and I do keep a close eye out.

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Sirzy · 09/07/2019 15:27

I also value my DD's mental health. I don't think we're doing our children's mental health any good at all by not teaching them to be robust and pandering and letting them wallow.

Do you say the same about adults with mental health problems who need to go off sick?

Actually teaching the benefit of self care and rest can be beneficial to the mental health of everyone especially in the forever on the go world we live in

Livedandlearned · 09/07/2019 15:30

@Sirzy said it well.

SoundofSilence · 09/07/2019 15:31

Once when DS2 was in reception and just wasn't himself. I couldn't put my finger on why and suspected he was going down with something but wasn't quite there yet. I was completely honest with the school and they were fine with it.

Pieceofpurplesky · 09/07/2019 15:31

I don't think we're doing our children's mental health any good at all by not teaching them to be robust and pandering and letting them wallow.

What a load of bollocks. Count yourself lucky that you have obviously have very little experience of a child with MH issues. Would rather DS have a break to give him the space he requires than face self harm, breakdowns and suicide attempts

Knitclubchatter · 09/07/2019 15:32

An education is a privilege it’s not a mandatory jail sentence.
I was and remain a very flexible and understanding parent, teens going through growth spurts sometimes are exhausted and need extra rest.
My teens missed their first morning blocks or attended 1/2 day as necessary. Attended dr’s and dental and orthodontic and eye exams during school hours etc.
Attended excellent uni’s and have good jobs.

CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 15:35

But no-one is talking about kids who have actual mental health problems - the thread is about kids who are a bit knackered.

Burpsandrustles · 09/07/2019 15:37

Yes. Several days here and there over the years for various reasons.

I've been lucky to facilitate that but now we both work we wouldn't really be able too.

StrumpersPlunkett · 09/07/2019 15:38

But tired no.
But I always say go to school I will come and get you at break time if you don’t feel better.

mbosnz · 09/07/2019 15:43

That's what I'm saying - I'd rather give a pre-emptive day off when I can see they're really feeling very run down, either physically or mentally. The odd times I haven't done that, when I've felt I should have, I've come to regret it!

HairyToity · 09/07/2019 15:57

Yes occasionally in Reception.

Krisskrosskiss · 09/07/2019 15:59

'But no one is talking about kids who have mental health problems'
You are very lucky that you think it's that clear cut. Often when children ask not to go into school without and obvious medical reason it can be a sign of mental health problems to come as can extreme tiredness. With the massive rise in secondary school children suffering from mental health issues I do think it's important to pay attention to your childs needs and not use words like pandering and snowflake about them. You might be lucky and it might be that your child is taking the piss.. but you might not be abd you might be exacerbating issues which will then go on to make your childs life as an adult incredibly hard.

Bobbybobbins · 09/07/2019 16:05

Only once - DS is in reception and fell asleep in the car on the way to school! I thought he must be shattered so asked to take him home. He hasn't had any other days off I'll this year - we have been very lucky.

Pieceofpurplesky · 09/07/2019 16:13

But @CassianAndor you started your post off with

I don't think we're doing our children's mental health any good at all by not teaching them to be robust and pandering and letting them wallow.

So you are the one who mentioned mental health being something that makes the kids snowflakes.

bookmum08 · 09/07/2019 16:14

When my daughter has had barely 3 hours sleep because our selfish neighbours have played their boom boom boom music for 12 hours then yes I keep her off school. Lack of sleep or bad sleep patterns messes with a person's mind so much. My husband also has taken time off work for the same reason. There is no point being at school or work if you are physically exhausted.

CassianAndor · 09/07/2019 16:18

piece I as responding to someone else saying they valued their DC's mental health. For me, part of looking after DD's mental health is, whilst obviously assessing each situation, teaching her to be robust. I do have real concerns that we have a generation of kids and young people who have never learnt to be robust or roll with the punches.

And do please show were I used the word 'snowflakes' or retract that comment.

mindutopia · 09/07/2019 16:20

No, because if I do who would turn up and do my job. In fact, with the exception of a couple planned absences for appointments or leaving early for a holiday, I don’t think mine has ever had a sick day in two years. Unless she’s dying, I send her to school and she always perks up (if she didn’t, they would call and one of us would go collect her).

My mum was a big fan of the staying at home even if I was just a little tired. It did me no favours and I eventually struggled a lot because of those absences. I would have been a lot better off if she’d just bundled me in the car and kicked me out in front of school!

megletthesecond · 09/07/2019 16:24

No. I give them stuff like coco pops to give them a boost and cheer them up and send them off. Early night with favourite tea when they get in.

Livedandlearned · 09/07/2019 16:30

I used to fake being ill so as to have a day off school once every so often. I'm never off work now, I just don't like to take time off, I'm not sure that having days off school had a direct correlation to not having a good work ethic.

JacquesHammer · 09/07/2019 16:42

the thread is about kids who are a bit knackered

But what’s the point in sending a knackered kid to school? They’re hardly going to be useful, and would get far more out of a recovery day and then being ready to learn the day after.

mbosnz · 09/07/2019 16:43

For me, part of looking after DD's mental health is, whilst obviously assessing each situation, teaching her to be robust.

Absolutely! But as you say, 'assessing each situation'. If your kid is on the way to breaking point, then to me, it's a good idea to make sure they don't actually arrive at that destination.

Obviously, a day off, is the very last resort. I'm a lot keener on 'go in, and if you get worse, give me a call', or 'chicken creamy onion for tea tonight if you make it', or 'I reckon a lavender salts bath with candles and your favourite music might be the ticket', or even 'how about we go for a bitch and swim session'. But if these fellas aren't working, then I know it's serious. . .

I'm actually thrilled that we've got through the last two terms with no sick days, because they've got everything under the sun with relocating. . . (as did Mum and Dad!) - and no mental health days required. And with sterling reports. For everything except attendance - which is definitely on the up!

SudowoodoVoodoo · 09/07/2019 16:50

Occasionally when they are run down with (mild) illness during a long term. Generally we plough on.

DS2 has asthma so colds go to his chest easily, and night coughs disturb the quality of his sleep so he can become become disproportiatly tired.

DS1 has dyslexia and dyspraxia so it costs him more mental energy to be in school and pick up a pen to write than it does for most. If he's ill, again he can feel disproportionately tired.

I certainly don't keep them off for every little sniffle and they are generally hardy, but occasionally there comes a day where they could survive the day, but they'll have a better week and rest of term for having a rest and shifting the bug quicker. If I was working, it would probably be the wrong side of the threshold of justifying the palaver of sorting out a day's cover, but as a teacher I learned that dragging myself in to the brink of death's door delays recovery and gains no glory.

DS1 missed 90 minutes off his first two years of school, just enough not to get 100% attendance two years in a row. He's missed one or two days a year since. DS1 is in a really pukey class so his attendance is mostly hit by the 48hr rule after a tiny bit of vomit and rapid bounce back while half the class reenact the exorcist. I tend to feel shifty when explaining to the teacher that he was a little bit sick when he's charging around playing football with the big kids while doing his brother's drop off

stucknoue · 09/07/2019 16:58

NO managed to send them every day bar illness despite dd being autistic and having anxiety - I sent her though she often got sent home. School is important and kids need to learn from the start that saying you are tired doesn't get a day off.

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