How can 2 families afford to live together?

[MadAnd3Madders]

DP and I have been together 2.5 years. We want to move our families in together, my 3 dc live with me and he has 2 dc who live with him. So a big family! We have taken quite some time to make this decision as our children have only been part of the picture for a year as we wanted to take things very slowly, for them really.

We’ve sat down and looked at our finances and I don’t think we can do it. I would be the breadwinner – I don’t currently claim means tested benefits as my wages are right on the cusp of the limit, and he would lose those he does claim as a lower earning single parent as we would be over the qualifying limit for any benefits as a couple. Although there would be some economies of scale, I just can’t see how we can take on a bigger mortgage (or even rent) that a larger house would require in order to house us all when our combined incomes would be significantly less than our incomes based on living separately and running two houses.

Am I missing something? How have others managed this?

Surely you are paying 2 rents or 2 mortgages now? So you have them added together to play with so can afford something bigger?

I expect @cookit that there are housing benefits, that would be lost by moving in together.

It will be a struggle financially as you have 5 dc to support - DH and I have good salaries but stopped at 2 dc as that is what we could afford. Whilst we could theoretically house them in our current 4 bed house, 3 more dc would have a massive impact on our standard of living.

You cost will be what other 5 child families have, albeit you maybe have 2 lots of equity to combine to buy a house. 5 dc is an unusually large family now - but you know this already.

Child benefit? Do both the exes pay maintenance? Does your DP work? There’s plenty of term time only jobs in the public sector if child care is a problem.

Maybe you can't afford it. You would lose some benefits but you would save on housing costs, as presumably even a larger house would be cheaper than the two houses you are currently paying for.

He needs to work, only way it would be possible. Sadly most families need 2 wages these days.

When I was with my ex I moved a couple of doors down from him.

Maybe I am missing something but if your both paying your mortgage or rent the combined amount would be enough for a slightly larger house would it not? It would be less for gas and electric, only one council tax bill to pay and insurance.

Looks like he does work but is a low earner.

You need to look at expenditures now vs moving in together as well as income coming in.

When do lived in with me I lost all tax credits. Meaning that I was worse off by about £330 a month. But then we both saved as we shared Bill's.

We worked our money our so we both had equal free money after Bill's and joint saving accounts was paid.

And unfortunately sometimes it's not financially sensible to live with a dp if you have a lots fo kids between you.

Just like lots of families dont have 5 kids, because they cant afford them

Sorry deleted top half of my poster. But you get the gist.

If its not financially viable, it's just not.

Yes dp works full time like me but earns much less. They currently live about 20 mins drive away and whilst it's not far in distance, house prices are a lot cheaper there and so his rent (3 bed house) added to my mortgage (4 bed house) isn't comparable to just adding the two together - we hoped to buy nearer me as it is easier for schools, 4 of our 5 are at secondary as of Sept and living here makes it much easier logistically and allows all of them to remain at the same schools (bar the one who is moving up in sept)

Proteinshakesandantonsass but we are not choosing to have 5 kids when we can't afford them. We can individually afford just fine, but together we can't. So yes it doesn't make sense financially to live together you're right, it's just such a shame when we love each other and the children are also very fond of each other. We'd like to live as a family. It makes me sad that after a long time of us both being miserable, we have found someone who we could be happy with but it doesn't work because of £££s :(

It would be difficult to find but could two smaller, cheaper houses next door to each other be a half way option.

But you did choose to date someone with kids.

You also have the choice to compromise. So move where he is because it's cheaper?

You cant have the big house, in the area you want with this man.

I get it. Its not easy blending families, especially financially.

I would assume that since you earn more and have more kids you will be paying more of the monthly Bill's?

Can you do an extension or loft conversion?

Why do you need to move together? Your first financial priority should be your kids anyway so if it doesn’t work then just continue your relationship as is.

So, the real problem is trying to maintain your living standard whilst doubling your family (in effect). You do have options, just not ones which will fit with your current lifestyle.

1. Look to rent in the area instead of buying. Rent out your owned house to cover the shortfall.
2. Ask the kids if they could share in your house. A tough sell - but if you consider a loft conversion or extension, you may still get enough space. I shared a room with 5 other girls until I was 18: the trick is to have another family room available for study or relaxation so you are not constantly on top of each other.
3. Rent in his area and accept the trade-off in logistics.
4. Shelve the idea for now. Look at it again if he can get a pay rise or better job opportunity.

5 kids. I couldn't afford to house them if I had 5, and were in the higher earning bracket.

Surely you will save in other areas
The following bills will be slightly higher for a bigger house but will still be cheaper than paying for 2 houses - council tax, electric, water, contents insurance, tv/phone/internet
If you drive to each other now/go out a lot then living together will mean you will save slightly on that

Have you given serious consideration to all living in your current house? You'd have three bedrooms for five kids, which is perfectly reasonable if the ages/sexes align somewhat. If they're all secondary age already then realistically one or more will be off to uni or wherever in a few years.

What do all of the children think about it? If they like each other (and his DC like you and yours like him) and would like to live together in a blended family then why can’t you have a family discussion about what would need to happen for this to be a reality? So would they be okay sharing bedrooms if this meant getting to be a family? Living more simply and rurally? Changing schools? And take their lead.