How can 2 families afford to live together?

[MadAnd3Madders]

DP and I have been together 2.5 years. We want to move our families in together, my 3 dc live with me and he has 2 dc who live with him. So a big family! We have taken quite some time to make this decision as our children have only been part of the picture for a year as we wanted to take things very slowly, for them really.

We’ve sat down and looked at our finances and I don’t think we can do it. I would be the breadwinner – I don’t currently claim means tested benefits as my wages are right on the cusp of the limit, and he would lose those he does claim as a lower earning single parent as we would be over the qualifying limit for any benefits as a couple. Although there would be some economies of scale, I just can’t see how we can take on a bigger mortgage (or even rent) that a larger house would require in order to house us all when our combined incomes would be significantly less than our incomes based on living separately and running two houses.

Am I missing something? How have others managed this?

I'm sorry for OP that some of the posts were so nasty.
Clearly no one has any obvious suggestions, which is a shame.

Why not all live in your house then you would save the rent DP is currently paying?

Maybe look to extend if affordable but if not kids can share bedrooms.

Rent yours out and rent somewhere together?

Extend, go into the attic, convert the garage, temporarily split a room or use a reception room as an extra bedroom?

OP have you factored in that you might save on childcare if the oldest can now look after the youngest during holidays or after school? Not sure what the age range is or if they would be willing to do that?

Would you both be working full time?

You would save a couple of hundred a month on only having to pay one lot of council tax. You would save on electricity and gas as well as Virgin/Sky/Netflix entertainment packages. Only one mortgage or rent instead of two. I would have thought it would have been cheaper not more expensive. Make sure ex partners all pay maintenance for children. You should still be able to claim separate child benefits.

We are in MIdlands and had a loft conversion about 5 years ago, it cost £37k but we got 2 more enormous bedrooms for our money and a shower room in the middle. We took out loan to pay for it but almost paid for now, less than one more year to go. Could you do this?

You say he lives far away but in a cheaper area. Maybe he could move into a 2 bed or a 3 bed flat closer to you. Would that be affordable? He could sleep in the living room of the 2 bed and his dc could have their own rooms. And then you could spend more time together, spend more weekends at yours, and all the dc could be at the same school. Then you could see how the the situation is in a few years as the dc grow older (move out maybe)?

I don't think joining 2 teenage families together in a undersized home is a very good idea, sorry.

And I think you would need 2-3 bathrooms with that many people also.

I'm assuming its the loss of tax credits for your partner that skews the figures. Because if it's just your income and your outgoings, you would be better off moving in together.

So the options are:

Moving to the cheaper area
Moving to a different cheaper area
Extending/converting - a lot conversion, converting a garage, extending a room out the back (and either using it as a bedroom or repurposing current lounge into a bedroom).
Summer house/transportable cabin/caravan in the rear garden to be used as extra bedroom OR kids getaway

Or, as most of the DC are in secondary, wait a few years until they head off to uni, but you will likely still need some extra space, such as the summer house, for when they come back for holidays.

If finances are tight then renting your own house out to rent bigger elsewhere is a terrible idea. If you are relying on rental income to pay your mortgage end up with non-paying tenants who you can't get out you are completely stuffed. There will likely be periods when the house is empty between tenants too, and so on. Bad idea without surplus cash available to cope with such eventualities.

You need to be think what income you have left right now...
Can you afford to cover your DP without all the children missing out on things....
Also you could do Air b n b for holidays together.

I work with a man who is in similar relationship to you - both divorced and both with their own kids and houses.

Having both been married they actually enjoy having their own space whilst spending 3-4 nights a week together. AFAIK their kids are all older so there is no childminding involved and TBH that would be my idea of a perfect relationship as I love my own space.

I guess my point is that if things don't go according to plan once you all move in together, that could be the beginning of the end for you all. Sorry to put a downer on it but you just never know - maybe you are living the perfect life right now and just don't realise it.

I wish people would stop using uni as a reason to fit more kids on to a house. Uni is mostly 30 or so weeks a year. Uni students have very little income or security of living accommodation. Going to uni does not mean your room at home can be permanently colonised!