Getting really fed up of people commenting on my weight/size.

[TentsAndCampfires]

Having a bit of an ARGHHH!!!

Apart from the occasional fling/short term thing, I've been single for a long time because I haven't dated any man for whom my weight hasn't been an issue. But I'm also finding it's women who are commenting too.

So whilst men are telling me that I should lose a few pounds; or just making general 'negging' type comments about my weight/size, women are trying to reassure me that I won't be single forever and that men like women of all shapes and sizes and that some men are attracted to women my size but there's always a tone that I'm 'lacking'.

My size/weight isn't a problem for me. I'd like to lose 7 - 14lbs but the last time I was lighter, I still had people making these comments.

WTF am I actually supposed to do about it! I try to ignore it but it's really beginning to impact on my self esteem now. I'm actually starting to worry about meeting someone or dating (not that I'm actively looking to do either) because I don't really want to hear these comments from anyone else if I can help it.

How big are you op? I've been fat forever and very few people have commented negatively. I have been thin too and I do definitely get more male attention when smaller. Pretty sure I've missed out on some good guys as I've been so large and, frankly, unattractive.

Depends really on whether you're a size 16 or a size 24.

What size are you, OP

I'm actually a 12/14.

I don't talk about diets, I don't moan about my weight/size so I'm not inviting these comments.

I put the comments from men down to inadequacy but it's the comments from women that hurt.

Obviously, not all women but it seems to come from women who've been married for a long time who assume that I'm single because no one fancies me and my size/weight is assumed to contribute to that.

But it's difficult to disregard the comments from the men who suggest I should lose some weight or who make comments out of nowhere like "do you ever wear jeans or, you know, do they just not suit your figure?" (Why ask? Why does it matter if I ever wear jeans or not anyway?)

When I have women reassuring me that my weight/size won't put off the right man.

The labels in my clothes are 12/14. I know that vanity sizing means these are bigger than the 12/14s of 20 years ago and I can see in the mirror that I'm not slim.

But I don't think I warrant some of the comments I'm getting tbh.

Wow people around you are so rude. I’m a size 14 and nobody has ever ever made a derogatory comment about my weight. And I sometimes even get complements off other women regarding my curves. The only thing I can think is maybe you aren’t dressing to suit your shape. But next time someone brings up your weight I’d be tempted to bring out that mumsnet favourite phrase “Did you mean to be so rude?”.

How tall/heavy are you, and how recently did you put the weight on?

Who are these people? I'm a fat bastard and no one ever says anything to me 🤷‍♀️

I thought troll hunting was banned on here ?

Wow that big.
I thought you were going to say you were 18/20 stone.
I think it is something else.
Perhaps you are just right and people are jealous

I'm 5'3 so any weight gain really shows. I put on about 2 stone when my dad was dying 7-8 years ago just through shitty comfort eating and eating takeaways a lot. I lost it when my husband and I split up and felt really confident and attractive. When I started dating again was when I noticed the comments from men. So I stopped dating.

Then I was single for a few years and the weight crept back on. I'm now about a stone heavier than the weight I felt my best at but even when I was that weight, I still had negative comments from the men I was dating. Even men who started off complimentary made negative comments eventually. I recently went out with someone for 6 months. He was the one who made the comment about me wearing jeans. There were a few other little comments too.

I think the women making comments is done to reassure. I'm not suggesting that all women are commenting or approaching me to comment but there have been enough who have commented.

Op “I think the women making comments is done to reassure”

.?? Sorry, not following this

Anyone who comments on weight is just rude and should be avoided.

And I sometimes even get complements off other women regarding my curves. The only thing I can think is maybe you aren’t dressing to suit your shape

I don't know. Maybe. I thought I was - I'm all boobs and bum so it's a bit difficult to disguise and I look 'bigger' purely because of that. A lot of the women I know are my height and they are all tiny! Petite frames and slim. So against them I suppose I do look big.

Anyone who comments on weight is just rude and should be avoided.

I know that really. I don't know.

There are a few who comment frequently. One has been married for 30 odd years and I think feels that I would be happier in a relationship. I think, in looking for ways in which I can improve my chances of meeting someone, she has identified my weight as potentially what is putting men off.

Another is a woman who used to be into competitive athletics and is still really slim. I know from things she's said that she considers my size to be a lack of discipline and she finds that an unattractive quality. I rarely see her anymore.

I think it's more that I'm not an attractive shape and it is that they are reacting to rather than my size per se.

You know some bloody rude people, OP.

Shut them down.

Eh? Why are so many people commenting on your weight or discussing what you wear?

What nasty people. Maybe you need to work on your confidence OP, some people just project 'Don't fuck with me' vibes, others do not.
I thought you would be short - I'm 5ft0 and yup it sucks. A 12/ 14 isn't huge though. I bet you don't have great posture? I don't but am working on it. You could go to yoga or Pilates. As a pp said, maybe you aren't dressing to flatter you- I'm a potato and envy your hourglass figure, you need to emphasise your waist. Big boobs can make you look much bigger elsewhere than you are - get a proper bra fitting (not M&S), and measure yourself. If you search bra intervention on here you will find loads of info

Are these work colleagues as the comments suggest a level of familiarity with you.

Just respond to any comments about your being overweight with displeasure -

“Don’t be so rude!”
“My weight/size has nothing to do wit you!”

That kind of thing.

Or shut them up permanently and lose the weight as half a stone to a stone loss is easily achievable if you put your mind to it.

Sounds like they’ve found your weak spot and they’re bullying you. If you didn’t give a shit or called them out on it they will stop.

I'm the same as you op and no one has EVER commented on my weight and I've never had a problem attracting dates and no one I know or have met would ever say nothing like that so you must just be very unlucky!

Pictures please.

That’s not big at all and doesn’t merit comments from others (unless asked for eg amongst close friends or family!). Maybe you’ve just been going for the wrong guys (ones who are looking for the stick insect look rather than normals ?!). As PP said I think no need to change your weight but maybe body confidence is playing into it? If you had the spare cash you could book a personal stylist appointment at somewhere like Debenhams or John Lewis and they can help a lot choose things to suit your shape that you would never try on normally (the appointments are free and there is no commitment to buy!). Good luck. X

Is there a chance you are inviting the comments by raising your weight as an issue eg you feel you can’t attract men? Then everyone has a big discussion about it.

I know someone size 32 and let me tell you she is not short of interest online and in real life and she sees far more action than I do (small.)

Literally no way this is real and if it is you need new friends OP. I’m a size 16 and always have been, since puberty. I’ve got massive boobs and had them and hips before I even started my periods. I will never be modelling couture clothing but equally I’ve never had anyone say anything negative, certainly not a man. In fact I’ve always had very positive feedback from the opposite sex.

Relax, have a Mars Bar, get better friends.