Getting really fed up of people commenting on my weight/size.

[TentsAndCampfires]

Having a bit of an ARGHHH!!!

Apart from the occasional fling/short term thing, I've been single for a long time because I haven't dated any man for whom my weight hasn't been an issue. But I'm also finding it's women who are commenting too.

So whilst men are telling me that I should lose a few pounds; or just making general 'negging' type comments about my weight/size, women are trying to reassure me that I won't be single forever and that men like women of all shapes and sizes and that some men are attracted to women my size but there's always a tone that I'm 'lacking'.

My size/weight isn't a problem for me. I'd like to lose 7 - 14lbs but the last time I was lighter, I still had people making these comments.

WTF am I actually supposed to do about it! I try to ignore it but it's really beginning to impact on my self esteem now. I'm actually starting to worry about meeting someone or dating (not that I'm actively looking to do either) because I don't really want to hear these comments from anyone else if I can help it.

It was their reaction that caused the problems in my body confidence.

One of them was really into crossfit was visibly taken aback. I guess I just looked worse than he'd imagined I would

Urgh, what a wanker, lucky escape there for sure

I find “ Fuck Off” usually helps!

I'm 43 OP

when I was in my 20s, I had a so-called friend who was a bit like this. in those days, for some reason I thought it could be worked on or something, so I had a talk with her, she'd only ever mixed with friends who made rude remarks but then she admitted that it pissed her family off when she did it.

the finishing moment for me was when she wondered why her sister was "fat" - actually her sister just wasn't built like her - and said she'd been encouraging her sister to diet.

I stopped being friends with her after that.

I just don't see why anyone needs that kind of person in their life.

I had a bit of a think about this last night. I think the comment about 12/14 being the size when people feel free to comment is probably right.

I know a fair few women who are size 18+ and no one ever comments on their size/weight. And rightly so. But I was beginning to wonder what I was getting so badly wrong that people were commenting on me.

But it's not me, is it? Its them.

It is having an impact on how I see myself and my confidence though so I need to find something to say to shut it down. I perhaps won't go for "fuck off"

Thanks.

Calling someone fat is unacceptable behaviour. I would certainly not be seeking the company of anyone who called me fat and I'm a 14-16 although I'm a bit taller than OP.

OP your figure is definitely in fashion right now.
I would advise you to embrace and own your body and to treat yourself well. Get some regular gentle exercise and eat a good varied diet.

If a bloke says he has a problem with your weight tell him you have a problem with his dick size but had been too polite to mention it and kick him to the kerb girlfriend.

Don't raise the subject of problem dating at work because your colleagues have shown themselves to be unhelpful negative and critical.

A few replies saying that people shouldn't comment on someone's weight. I disagree. If I had a loved one/friend who was putting on weight I would mention it. Obesity kills.

I don’t think the lack of interest from men is to do with your weight. Could they be using it as an excuse for something else - for example poor grooming / dental hygiene?

If you're receiving comments at 12/14 you're associating with the wrong types of people.

At a size 16 I've never had one comment about my weight, ever.

I’m a bit shorter than you, and wear a larger size - and I never get negative comments. I do dress well and work out regularly, but I don’t think it’s just down to that - more that I have friends who would never dream of commenting on size and if any man commented negatively then I’d tell him to fuck off, and my general demeanour probably projects that. Let’s face it, most men in our age group are not trim, tan Adonises themselves, even though they might like to kid themselves. Some of the most flattering things I own come from M&S and Monsoon, but why not take up your dressmaker friend’s offer? Nothing looks better than a dress cut exactly to fit, especially on an hourglass figure.

I don’t believe your weight is the reason your single, you need to lose 7-14 pounds so your not even fat! I don’t believe men have an issue with a size 12/14!

If I had a family member that was 20 stone and killing themselves I’d talk to them and try to help just like I would with an alcoholic. Someone that is just 7-14 pounds overweight come on, nothing needs to be said

I don't understand why anyone would comment on your weight OP. Sounds like they are insecure/bullying types themselves who are threatened by your increased self confidence. I would shut the conversation down next time and make it clear you are not open to comments on the subject. And yes, run a mile from any man who tries to make you feel insecure or mentions your weight. Arseholes.

These comments by people are really unpleasant. I don't understand what crosses someone's mind to make negative comments about someone elses appearance. It's horrible and so unnecessary.

With your sporty friend, when she said that, I'd have said back "that's really offensive" and "why did you say that?" to see what she said. Not in a confrontational way but I'd have wanted to know why she would say something that was going to upset you. It's also none of her business really.

If any man you've started dating starts making these negative comments they're not right for you. There's no need and it's incredibly rude. I also don't like the insinuation that you should change for a partner who you've just met.

I hope you find a way to deal with this. I wouldn't ignore it any more though.

If you want to lose weight do it for yourself, and in a sensible and long lasting way, like 1lb a week for 7 weeks (half a stone).

Omg 12/14 and you're being told your too big. That's crazy.

I really am too fat, my DH is a handsome bloke, we've been together 34 years, I was bigger than you when we married 27 years ago. Nobody ever comments on my weight, DH never has, friends and family never have (perhaps I'm scary lol). Any bloke worried about your weight at 12/14 isn't worth being with imo.

I think the women making comments is done to reassure.

^

Yes. I often had people saying to me 'oh, a 14 is the UK average size anyway'

OK... But why mention it?

Oh yeah, right, cos you think I'm fat? Wtaf

Plainly put, are you very pretty? I have found that people are very uncomfortable with the notion of a pretty fat person. It seems to get people’s backs up and invites comments like “but you have such a lovely face!”

I am fat but fair looking. I’ve had comments my whole life, if you could lose a few pounds you’d be a total stunner type stuff. Women. Not men.

Size 12-14. 5ft 3.
You're hardly the size of a ship, are you.

I'm a similar height and measurements to you (slightly bigger), and don't get comments like this, I think it's not you, it's them! I think your previous partners sound pretty horrible as well, my fella is really appreciative of me naked. I'm a bit wobbly but he never makes me feel less than beautiful, I think you've been unlucky.

How rude. I’m a 12 arse 14 norks and no one ever says I’m big. If they did I’d tell them where to go

OP your figure is definitely in fashion right now.

Yes, but it wasn't when all of these people were growing up (mostly in their 50s). My own mum was very critical of my 'curvy' shape (34-24-35 until I had my first child). And I know a lot of people don't really 'get' the current trend for curves...

I do dismiss men who comment negatively very quickly. Some have made comments on the first date, others not for several months. But the comments always come in the end. I ended a 5 month relationship a few years ago and the man hadn't actually said anything about me, but he had made a really unpleasant comment about a completely stranger, probably in her 50s, who was just going about her daily life and didn't deserve to be criticised so harshly by a man for generally not being pleasing to his eye. I don't want to be with someone who'd judge any woman in that way. At some point, I'm going to be a 50something woman...

I don't discuss weight with colleagues.

Any bloke worried about your weight at 12/14 isn't worth being with imo.

Quite.

OK... But why mention it?

Oh yeah, right, cos you think I'm fat? Wtaf

Yep. I know. That's how I feel about it. I don't need reassuring. I don't complain about my weight so not really sure why people feel the need to comment!

Plainly put, are you very pretty?

No. But I didn't hit every branch when I fell out of the ugly tree (to use an expression from my teens!) But I know what you mean. I think people are almost affronted to see a pretty, big woman. I don't get comments like that but then I'm not really 'big (or attractive) enough' to warrant them.

Obesity kills

But my BMI is about 26. I'm hardly heading towards obesity. They're not saying it out of concern for my health.

I don’t think the lack of interest from men is to do with your weight. Could they be using it as an excuse for something else - for example poor grooming / dental hygiene?

Nope. No issue with grooming, personal care, dental hygiene or anything else. It's not that there is a 'lack of interest' from men, per se but quite a few do seem to feel that I am 'too big'. Tbh, my measurements increase/decrease proportionally. I've only gained 6 inches on all my measurements since I was 25. Ok, that might not be great, but I looked my best around half way between the two.

At a size 16 I've never had one comment about my weight, ever.

Not at all? Not even from men? I do find it baffling to hear that tbh. I haven't been with anyone who hasn't made a negative comment about my weight/size at some point (except for the one who commented on another woman).

my fella is really appreciative of me naked. I'm a bit wobbly but he never makes me feel less than beautiful, I think you've been unlucky.

I don't think I've ever been with anyone who made me feel like that You are very lucky