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Original poster

Dd sneaked her bf in overnight.... wwyd?

63 replies

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 01/07/2019 23:08

DD has just told me that her boyfriend sneaked back in to spend the night at our house at the weekend (I was away for the weekend).

How would you handle this? It wasn't for sex, it was to talk. DD has been very depressed recently - friendship issues, school, self harming, putting too much pressure on herself. She's 15. We've had nothing like this from her before, no lying, no deceit (that we know of). We have a good relationship. (I thought.)

Her bf's dad found out and has disowned the bf and banned him from seeing dd.... which I think is bonkers. dd is distraught.

Dd told us she just wanted some time to talk to her bf without anyone hearing.

I’m gobsmacked at the deceit, the planning, but I’m more upset that dd is so sad.

Advice, please?

OP posts:
Yinyen · 01/07/2019 23:11

First off her boyfriend's dad has done this because he shiting himself that they have slept together and somebody will be accusing his son of rape. So don't concern yourself with his reaction at the moment.

I would just concentrate with building up your daughter's Trust. Tell her it would have been better if she had let you know full stop but you totally understand why she did it. I'm trying to give her space so that she can talk to you. Hope all goes well. Lots of helpfully website on teenage depression to look at too.

lljkk · 01/07/2019 23:13

Boy was disowned by his dad? That's not a way to protect one's son.

Whathappenedtooursummer · 01/07/2019 23:13

You are very naive op.....

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

15 year olds
Myfoolishboatisleaning · 01/07/2019 23:15

Who was at home with your dd at the time?

YourWinter · 01/07/2019 23:15

Was anyone else at home when you were away for the weekend, or was your depressed, self-harming 15 year old left alone?

mabelmylove · 01/07/2019 23:17

How can you both disown your son and ban him from seeing his girlfriend? Either you’re his parent or you’re not...

Pieceofpurplesky · 01/07/2019 23:19

Was anyone else at home? If not she did not sneak him in she brought him back as she was alone

EAIOU · 01/07/2019 23:22

Possibly hes worried about rape claim/teen pregnancy- is there a cultural element?

How open has your DD been with you in the past?

I wish her good mental health 💐

RonnieScotts · 01/07/2019 23:23

I hope your DD is ok, please make sure she
Has access to proper birth control. The 'just talking' story is another lie and you are very naive. It's completely normal at 15.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 01/07/2019 23:23

q

AnyFucker · 01/07/2019 23:24

You left your depressed, self harming 15yo at home alone ?

I hope that in trying to find some support from somewhere she isn't taking risks

mabelmylove · 01/07/2019 23:25

Surely she wasn’t home alone otherwise she wouldn’t have had to ‘sneak him back in’ ? For who’s benefit would he have had to pretend to leave in the first place?

AnyFucker · 01/07/2019 23:27

Dd told us she just wanted some time to talk to her bf without anyone hearing

This implies there was no one else in the house. Can you explain, op ?

Mummaofmytribe · 01/07/2019 23:27

I would imagine that the father assumes, as I would, that they did have sex.
I had a similar situation years ago with one of my dds and a boy.
In my case I called the other parents as I was very concerned and went round for a chat.
Much better if you can communicate with the father and sort this out.

PrincessMargaret · 01/07/2019 23:28

Your dd is 15 and you left her alone overnight? And you are worried about the bf? Jeez I would be having a long talk about whether emergency contraception was needed.

DangerMouse17 · 01/07/2019 23:28

Well she told you, I assume unaided/freely...? If so it's nice she was honest with you and I would take the opportunity to listen and show you're massively angry with her is she's truly depressed. However I would find it hard to believe that sex hadn't happened and so I would also be reminding her of the ground rules. It's too much of a coincidence for them to need this talk right at the time you're away for the weekend.

The bf dad disowning his son is pretty OTT Sad

Singlenotsingle · 01/07/2019 23:28

So you were away for the weekend, leaving DD on her own? I expect she wanted some company! Total overreaction by all the adults here! No "sneaking" involved! You need to concentrate on looking after her, and trying to help with her problems, don't you?

DangerMouse17 · 01/07/2019 23:29

Not massively angry*

petrifiedprawn · 01/07/2019 23:30

I did this when I was 15. My poor mum found out and was devastated. I just wanted to spend time with him, wasn't thinking about sleeping with him. Obviously didn't think it through or see the seriousness of it until years later. Don't ban her from seeing him as that'll make things much worse. Being a mum myself now and remembering it from being the DD once in this situation, I would take a gentle ish approach with dd. Talk to her. Spend time together just the two of you. She has made a silly mistake and probably feels awful about it. Do however make it clear to the boyfriend he has overstepped the mark and he's being closely watched from now on. I dumped my then boyfriend a year or so later, mum was always on hand to support me and forgive me when I messed up. Good luck x

mcmen71 · 01/07/2019 23:30

I see this is a second post On teenagers ty thread also I sent you a PM hope your dd is ok.

Original poster
theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 01/07/2019 23:34

God, no! Dh and ds were here. Dd was not on her own! She told various lies about when ds was leaving, then sneaked him in when dh had gone to bed.

I didn’t know about her self harming till she told me today.

I have talked to dd about sex recently. She and bf are not thinking about it - she says, and I believe her. We have a good relationship and can talk about anything.

AnyFucker - judgemental, much? When she and bf are here, they’re in the playroom next to the lounge as I don’t want them in her bedroom. She feels she can’t talk to bf then as we will hear. She didn’t want us to know how sad she was feeling.

OP posts:
Original poster
theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 01/07/2019 23:34

I would never leave her at home alone overnight. Jeez.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/07/2019 23:37

It looked like pretty much everyone on your thread thought she was on her own.

cdlaivfifd · 01/07/2019 23:38

Have you reposted this from earlier today?

Original poster
theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 01/07/2019 23:39

Yes, I posted on Teens but didn’t get loads of replies and wanted more thoughts.

I have talked to dd this eve. Her bf’s dad is furious but his mum is ok, was just worried about h8m. I will ring her tomorrow and talk to her.

I have said that although this is serious, worse things happen at sea, we love her and nothing can change that.

I am mainly sad that dd didn’t tell us how she was feeling. She said she thought bf would understand more about self harming. I had thought she was coping with friend shit situation but not. She was in a tight group of three, for 3 years, but this year the other two have gone off and excluded dd, and she’s sad about that. I’m thinking about talking to her friends’ mums - we used to be friends - but not sure if it will do more harm than good.

OP posts: