Oh. My. GOD!

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Today! I just need to weep vent.

I was woken at 6am by 1 child lying on my head telling me that she was "my new, magical pillow" and that her magic powers were "flying and having an argument". She proceeded to have an argument. With herself. On top of my head

One child enthusiastically pulled his sister's hair all the way around Sainsbury's.

After lunch, I tried to take the littlest for a nap walk in the buggy. Except, there was a brass band playing in the field where we normally walk. It struck up right on cue as we turned into the field. I have never seen a brass band there in the ten years we've lived here. Just why?

Then my 4yo decided to stand in the garden and shout MY DADDY LIKES FOUR YEAR OLD GIRLS at the top of her voice. Thanks DD

At dinner, the toddlers enjoyed their chicken and ham pie so much they both moisturised their entire torsos with it. Their bathwater was actually cloudy with spinach floating in it.

We got them all to bed and then a little voice called down "what letter does poo begin with? Is it a puh puh?"
Me: Er yes. Have you had a poo?
Child: Yep! And I wiped my own bottom but some fell off and then I stepped in it by accident and now it's on my carpet a bit.

The scene that followed was like a dirty protest in a prison.

I am now sitting downstairs with a glass of something strong and contemplating the state that is the kitchen....

Hello op. How has your day been?

Today my dd slyly pooed in a corner and I didn't notice until she stepped in it.

She also fishhooked me so hard she made me bleed! 👍🏻

Again a blissful 13 hour day in the office.

When I came home DH just whispered "I want my bed"
Poor sod

This morning we tried to tell DD1 im age appropriate terms that we are taking her to a paeds psychologist for autism assessment. The psych had suggested the phrase "a talking doctor". DD immediately retorted "sounds like nonsense to me"

Also the twins insisted on wearing (respectively) a pair of my sunglasses and old reading glasses whilst eating breakfast.

My sunglasses now have jumbo oats air-dried onto them

Oh yeah and how could I forget, DS learnt to take his nappy off last night.

He was very pleased with himself. Me, not so much. He kept pointing at the patch of wee on the carpet and shouting CAR at the top of his voice. Cars are his favourite so I think it was basically the toddler equivalent of bellowing BEHOLD MY TRIUMPH.

I am storing all this up in my mind so when he is a 34yo tax lawyer I can embarrass the fuck out of him in front of all his friends.

Oh OP write these anecdotes down and keep them safe somewhere. My two are 25 and 20 now, and I never would have thought I would forget the magical moments from their childhood but you do. I wish that we'd written down the wonderful, bonkers things that they said and did.

This thread has taken me back to those days (though I am glad that they are a distant memory on the other hand )

DD immediately retorted "sounds like nonsense to me

DS learnt to take his nappy off last night. He was very pleased with himself.

Op, you have bright kids 😀. Don't worry, I think they have everything sorted, only downside, they probably have very tired parents 🤣.