Oh. My. GOD!

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Today! I just need to weep vent.

I was woken at 6am by 1 child lying on my head telling me that she was "my new, magical pillow" and that her magic powers were "flying and having an argument". She proceeded to have an argument. With herself. On top of my head

One child enthusiastically pulled his sister's hair all the way around Sainsbury's.

After lunch, I tried to take the littlest for a nap walk in the buggy. Except, there was a brass band playing in the field where we normally walk. It struck up right on cue as we turned into the field. I have never seen a brass band there in the ten years we've lived here. Just why?

Then my 4yo decided to stand in the garden and shout MY DADDY LIKES FOUR YEAR OLD GIRLS at the top of her voice. Thanks DD

At dinner, the toddlers enjoyed their chicken and ham pie so much they both moisturised their entire torsos with it. Their bathwater was actually cloudy with spinach floating in it.

We got them all to bed and then a little voice called down "what letter does poo begin with? Is it a puh puh?"
Me: Er yes. Have you had a poo?
Child: Yep! And I wiped my own bottom but some fell off and then I stepped in it by accident and now it's on my carpet a bit.

The scene that followed was like a dirty protest in a prison.

I am now sitting downstairs with a glass of something strong and contemplating the state that is the kitchen....

The magic pillow is 4, and the eldest.

The brass band was just so fucking random! They had set up a temporary riser or similar and everything. It is just an old field with the odd dogwalker.

I just tipping is brilliant though.

Reminds me of the time I caught DS washing a nugget of poo under the tap with anti bac soap because I’d told him previously that poo was dirty and we don’t touch it. The following week I got a phone call at work from DH telling me what “MY son” had done, he’d gone to tell DH that “mummy says I’m not allowed to touch poo at all now but there’s some on the bathroom floor so you’re going to have to move it”.

LOL, one of those days, eh? I remember one when DS had just started crawling.

After it got 'too quiet' I found him in the kitchen having opened the bottom of the dresser and spilt rice everywhere.

You'd think I'd learn, but later that same day I found him in his bedroom having opened some sudocreme and spread it all over the bottom drawer... but thankfully not the carpet (I heard that's a nightmare to get out). He looked so pleased with himself both times - I have photos to prove it!

Also had a poo-treading episode with DD when she was about 3 and I was exhausted after a really stressful day and home alone without DH.

Maddie that is a very optimistic way to look at it!

As predicted, they have already been up once, with 4yo DD lying down by the toddlers' cots and instructing them "THIS is how you should lie down". Yes and so should you.... in your own bed!!

They are all asleep now. I am batch cooking and making DH deal with any further eruptions.

That wasa very entertaining post, thank you!

Your life sounds so very similar to my own!

I also have wine. Cheers!

I'm sorry OP but

Happy wine time!

Your post was perfect. For a household with 3 under 5, you are doing bloody well to have them fed, alive and and unscathed by before.

My three year old crashed into ducks today...

Crikey, how do you crash into a duck! Wait, I can just imagine

May I heartily recommend chocolate gin?

At 30 weeks pregnant and already thinking about the next ten-twenty years...
I both love and hate this 😂
I. Am. Ready.

You should write a book.

My 22 month old has learnt the word 'no' which is just great when she she has spent all day chucking stuff around and being naughty just so she can say no to me!

The most ducking unreasonable thing about your entire day...batch cooking at 9pmmkn a Sunday night especially when DH is a SAHD. ARE YOU MAD??????

Sit down 🍾🥂🥃🍫🍹🍹🍹🍹🍫🍹🍹🍹

If the 4 yo is VERY cute then 6am Maguc Pillow is almost tolerable but I’m always awake before then anyway

This sounds like a classic 'Everybody's fed and nobody's dead' kind of a day. You can count that as a win

That made me smile and remember how trying my now 37 year old son was! The other two were essy compared with mr argumentative boy.
Had a secret smile to myself though recently when his 18 month old was climbing up on the dining room tanle. " she wont do anything I say" he sighed

Reminds me of the night when I went bare footed into the DT,s bedroom as one of them was wimpering, in the dark i trd on a piece of Lego and whilst hopping around and trying not to swear trod in a pile of cat sick, I won't bore you with the details of the the subsequent events that resulted in waking up of the whole household, and the discovery of the mouse that the cat had swallowed whole!

Table!

I love you OP, how many age 4 and under are involved?! 3?

You are a hero. I waited 8 years before I had a 2ndDc as I knew I could only be a divide and conquer type of dictator parent.

Hazel twins and a pet, how are you still alive.... my twins are simultaneously teething and learning to walk, and it's interesting....

Incredibly tbf, I can't really expect DH to look after a 4yo and 2 x 16 mos and cook. I am just grateful if none of them are concussed by the end of the day!

Aww, I'm quite envious, even though having small dc is hard, they are so lovely and fun.
Glad you have a sense of humor op, enjoy 😀

@mouldyhousemouldylife
Don't be a fungating arsehole.

Johnny come on now back to Thighland and all will be ok!

My 7 month old has learnt how to make a sound like a cow with a personality disorder and makes it all day. Unless she's sleeping, which she didn't do today because the local knobsack was revving his bike round the estate all afternoon.