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I am so upset by my husbands reaction

284 replies

IamAWallFlower · 28/06/2019 13:35

Recently I booked and went for a boudoir photo shoot. I am not a confident person, hardly ever have photos taken in general and it took me so much courage to actually ring up book and go to the shoot.

It’s taken a good few years but I’ve dropped almost half of my body weight and worked my ass off to get where I am now. I needed to do something for me to celebrate my achievement and this was it. Something to look back at and be proud of as I am as I’m sure most of us are, too hard on ourselves. I’m aware this photo shoot is probably not to everyone’s taste.

He knew I was booked in for the shoot last month. The day came and I went and it was totally amazing. My hair and makeup was done and I honestly felt wonderful, the best I have ever felt about myself. My hair is straight and they curled it beautifully, I’ve never had curls before but I loved it. I felt like me but better, they did the makeup similar to how I would but it just looked better like HD almost.

I came home beaming and asked my husband what he thought of my new look. He barley looked at me, just raised one eye from over his phone and just said “I think you should go and wash that crap off your face” I was honestly gutted, I walked away and held back the tears. My husband never pays me compliments, ever. Not once since our wedding day 15 years ago has he said I looked nice.

This photo shoot was never done for him, it was for me. I actually had no intention of showing him the pictures as I didn’t see any point as he clearly doesn’t find me attractive anymore.

When I went back to view the pictures I was amazed how lovely they were so I bought some images and a canvas.

Two days ago I picked up my canvas, he saw me with the box when I came in and asked what it was. I didn’t show him as it’s for me. I was planning on putting on putting it up in my walk in wardrobe, no one goes in there and it’s behind a door anyway.

I haven’t got round to hanging it yet. But he’s opened up the box and had a look and confronted me when I got back from work yesterday. He’s really angry I’ve degraded myself in this way. He was shouting at me that I must be so vain to have that done and I must absolutely love myself. He’s unhappy I bought the canvas and he doesn’t want it put up in the house. Apparently he hates now I’ve lost weight I “ponce about in the mirror now” ( I really don’t, we’ve only recently had a full length mirror put in but I do take more pride in my appearance now)

I am so upset by his outburst yesterday. I just can’t understand it. He doesn’t watch porn because he prefers pictures. I’ve seen them in a folder on our shared pc. I actually bought a few digital images and had considered perhaps in the future sending them to him once I plucked up the courage as I know that’s what he “likes” I won’t be now that’s for sure.

I feel so sad about this all I’m even contemplating leaving my marriage over this.

Sorry for the long post I just needed to vent.

OP posts:
sparklefarts · 28/06/2019 13:37

Your husband sounds like a fucking arsehole.

Leave and find someone nice

GrimDamnFanjo · 28/06/2019 13:38

There are lots of red flags here. It's a cliche but it looks to me like your husband preferred it when you were less confident and he could control you.
Is leaving a possibility?

GertrudeCB · 28/06/2019 13:39

I'd run away from the twat.
How fucking dare he speak to you like that, the arsehole.

Readytogogogo · 28/06/2019 13:40

I'm so sorry to hear this. If you post in relationships you might get some good advice. All I can say is that you deserve better than this. Congratulations on your weight loss and please don't let him wear you down.

HelenMummyof2 · 28/06/2019 13:40

What a total twat your husband is Op. You deserve better, go find it!
And congrats on your new look.

BurntSausage · 28/06/2019 13:40

Oh my god you poor thing. Your husband is a twat. Seriously. Fuck him. Well done on doing so well with your weight loss. You are perfectly entitled to celebrate it this way and have as many fucking photos as you like. God. I’m so angry on your behalf. What a fucking joy sucker.

Gustavo1 · 28/06/2019 13:41

To be honest, he sounds like a dick!
I suspect he’s insecure now you’ve gained some confidence and is hoping to knock
you down.
You deserve better Flowers

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 28/06/2019 13:43

You really need to consider the rest of your life here. Your husband sounds like he doesn’t give a shit and never has. This would be the end for me, unfortunately. You dont sound like you have much confidence in yourself or the situation but you really need to consider how you want to move on from this.

Giraffecantdanse · 28/06/2019 13:43

My friends boyfriend got upset when she lost weight and looked gorgeous. Now she's found a lovely many who truly loves her. Don't stay with someone who can't stand your success.

Sexnotgender · 28/06/2019 13:43

How inconsiderate of you, losing all that weight and feeling good about yourself when he’s worked so hard to grind you down and belittle you! Do you have no empathy woman?

Topseyt · 28/06/2019 13:44

Show him the door. What an arsehole! How can you bear to be with him?

I am sure you look lovely on the canvas. You should be able to put it up and display it with pride.

CrotchetyQuaver · 28/06/2019 13:44

Your husband has issues, not you. I would suspect it's rooted in all this weight you've lost. You have probably got a load of confidence now you feel better about yourself and he doesn't like it.

It doesn't bode well for the future I'm afraid. Thanks

Singlenotsingle · 28/06/2019 13:44

He been thrown off balance because the comfortable mumsie old wife has gone, and she's slim, glammed up and looking hot. He feels threatened and worried that other men might like what they see. He might need to make an effort to keep you. Maybe he needs to give himself some attention. Does he need to lose weight, have his hair styles, new clothes? Apparently a lot of men react like this when their dw loses weight. Don't let it put you off. Tell him in words of one syllable that this is how it is, and he'd better get used to it...OR who knows what will happen?

Giraffecantdanse · 28/06/2019 13:45

@Sexnotgender Grin that's so funny Grin

AllStar14 · 28/06/2019 13:45

You deserve so much better than that arsehole. What a cunt. I can just imagine how you felt after his comment about washing that crap off :-( makes me so sad for you as I remember similar comments made by an ex of mine. He enjoyed making me feel small and pathetic, and I let him for a long time.

End this relationship, it will honestly be the best thing you ever did!

Well done on the weight loss Star

Lisette1940 · 28/06/2019 13:47

It's not you, it's him love. Keeping going with looking after yourself and don't mind him.

AnyFucker · 28/06/2019 13:48

I think you should leave your marriage

BillywigSting · 28/06/2019 13:49

I really never post on these types of thread but I couldn't read and run on this.

I'm sorry op but he sounds like a horrible, horrible man. To be so dismissive of your hard work (and it bloody is hard work, I'm trying to lose weight myself and it's a grind being hungry all day and all night every single day).

I agree with pp, it sounds like he preferred it when you were heavier and less confident, which is pretty awful and not at all what a loving husband should be doing.

And shouting at you? No. Not ok. Not acceptable behaviour at all.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 28/06/2019 13:49

Your husband sounds like (in this order)

  • an arsehole
  • an insecure arsehole

I bet there’s a lot to unpack here but put simply it’s probably a heady mix of

  • jealousy (you’ve proved when you want to do something you do it and get it, a rarity for most)
  • fear (that you are going to be swiped by another OR that your new found confidence means you leave)
  • anger (that you’ve done this “without consulting him”).

That explains it - doesn’t make any of it right.

Has he always been so unpleasant and disrespectful to you? Or just indifferent with a recent increase in being a shithead?

Kilpitlees · 28/06/2019 13:49

I bet you looked (and look) absolutely amazing. Everyone deserves a treat and to feel good so don’t let him knock you or tell you otherwise. He should be proud of your accomplishment not dismissive or belittling. Well done OP. X

FizzyGreenWater · 28/06/2019 13:50

Yes, leave.

He is an absolute lump of dogshit and you owe him nothing.

Oh, and he's jealous of you as well as being more generally a woman-hater. How dare you show some lust for life, confidence or pleasure in nice things.

Absolutely leave - if you spent the rest of your life living alone you would be 100 times happier than in a house with this nasty arsehole baiting you.

rachelfrost · 28/06/2019 13:51

What a jerk. That’s so wrong.

MissLadyM · 28/06/2019 13:51

Nasty bastard. He's insecure that you have confidence. What a hateful man! Get rid of him and enjoy your life! X

rachelfrost · 28/06/2019 13:51

Well done on liking yourself Smile

ItsTheGinTalking · 28/06/2019 13:54

Wow he sounds like a total arsehole.

I'd be showing him the door and finding someone who appreciates you for you.

Well done you. Xxx