Recently I booked and went for a boudoir photo shoot. I am not a confident person, hardly ever have photos taken in general and it took me so much courage to actually ring up book and go to the shoot.
It’s taken a good few years but I’ve dropped almost half of my body weight and worked my ass off to get where I am now. I needed to do something for me to celebrate my achievement and this was it. Something to look back at and be proud of as I am as I’m sure most of us are, too hard on ourselves. I’m aware this photo shoot is probably not to everyone’s taste.
He knew I was booked in for the shoot last month. The day came and I went and it was totally amazing. My hair and makeup was done and I honestly felt wonderful, the best I have ever felt about myself. My hair is straight and they curled it beautifully, I’ve never had curls before but I loved it. I felt like me but better, they did the makeup similar to how I would but it just looked better like HD almost.
I came home beaming and asked my husband what he thought of my new look. He barley looked at me, just raised one eye from over his phone and just said “I think you should go and wash that crap off your face” I was honestly gutted, I walked away and held back the tears. My husband never pays me compliments, ever. Not once since our wedding day 15 years ago has he said I looked nice.
This photo shoot was never done for him, it was for me. I actually had no intention of showing him the pictures as I didn’t see any point as he clearly doesn’t find me attractive anymore.
When I went back to view the pictures I was amazed how lovely they were so I bought some images and a canvas.
Two days ago I picked up my canvas, he saw me with the box when I came in and asked what it was. I didn’t show him as it’s for me. I was planning on putting on putting it up in my walk in wardrobe, no one goes in there and it’s behind a door anyway.
I haven’t got round to hanging it yet. But he’s opened up the box and had a look and confronted me when I got back from work yesterday. He’s really angry I’ve degraded myself in this way. He was shouting at me that I must be so vain to have that done and I must absolutely love myself. He’s unhappy I bought the canvas and he doesn’t want it put up in the house. Apparently he hates now I’ve lost weight I “ponce about in the mirror now” ( I really don’t, we’ve only recently had a full length mirror put in but I do take more pride in my appearance now)
I am so upset by his outburst yesterday. I just can’t understand it. He doesn’t watch porn because he prefers pictures. I’ve seen them in a folder on our shared pc. I actually bought a few digital images and had considered perhaps in the future sending them to him once I plucked up the courage as I know that’s what he “likes” I won’t be now that’s for sure.
I feel so sad about this all I’m even contemplating leaving my marriage over this.
Sorry for the long post I just needed to vent.