What's the worst mansplaining you've ever been witness to?

[plantbased]

Some bloke just mansplained my own business to me, a business I built myself, from scratch. I built the company, the website, the lot. Utter cockwomble! Obviously he knows better than my oestrogen addled brain grrr

Yep. I'm a photographer. I had A male dj at a recent wedding was photographing mansplain to me the importance of unplugging my cables from my laptop upon relocating my equipment from one area to another ,in case of frying the motherboard and rendering my equipment useless.

I refrained from telling him where to stick his sub woofer!

You'll be glad to know that all photographs and IT equipment remained unscathed throughout!

I'm an experienced audio engineer and performer.

I've had men leap up and explain to me very carefully and slowly how to deal with cables usually by damaging them by twisting into a figure eight and then further twisting into a demented celtic knot pattern instead of the proper method of neatly wrapping the things so they don't break inside.

I've also been told that I didn't do bad, but I should go back and listen to how the original musician performed it, because I was 'failing to catch all the subtle nuances and delicacies of his composition'. When I WROTE THE FUCKING TUNE. I've also been told what the Actual Meaning of a piece is and that I was completely wrong because I was a woman and couldn't possibly understand where a Young Man is Coming From. Guess who wrote that one as well? Yup.

I think the most annoying is somebody repeatedly informing me that he 'used to be a sound engineer with [influential band]' drove a van about for a couple of weeks two summers ago until they fired him saying 'the sound is shit' fiddling with the knobs on channel 1 I resisted decking him and then 'that's so much better - look at what I've done and learn from it'.

Trouble was, there wasn't anything patched into channel 1 - the signal was going into 12, as per the fuck off big labels I'd put under the strips and the diagram taped to the wall, so he'd 'improved' it without actually doing anything to it. I spent the rest of that session with high attenuation filters in and, every time he demanded I did something to it, pretending to twiddle channel 1 and keeping a silent tally of the number of times he said 'that's better'.

At the end of the session, he said he was glad I'd been able to learn something from him, as the sound was 'brilliant'. In my head, I was screaming 'Mate, I've been teaching this shit since before the last time you your mum washed that minging T shirt. This is literally MY FUCKING DAY JOB'. Instead, I smiled sweetly and reminded him that the extra hours were also chargeable and would he like stems or a mixdown, as I'd send those through as soon as the additional payment cleared and what format would he prefer.

He drew himself up to his full height and informed me that, obviously, he wanted the entire recording in .mp3 format for the best quality. For those that don't need to know, .mp3 is a heavily compressed, lossy format that is unsuitable for mixing/mastering. So he was telling me pretty much that he wanted the shittiest version because it was the best.

I was strangely unavailable for future bookings.

My family are the masters in mansplaining.

My brother once explained to me, in the context of shoulder dystocia 'the baby can't get stuck ... there's anatomy that makes it impossible'.

My dad has regularly mansplained my sexuality to me. When I was 15, he told me I wasn't gay and it was a phase. At 18, he told me it definitely was a phase. At 21, he assaulted me and told me that proved it was a phase. At 31, he told my female partner (!) it was a phase.

This afternoon, I was talking to my mum about my research project. I've won just under 100k in euros to spend two years researching the history of women's reproductive problems, looking at the very distant past with an aim to seeing what women have done to support each other.

My dad immediately tells me it's all superstition and nonsense.

I explain the scope of what I'm working on.

Before I finish, he starts telling me it's all nonsense, telling me about theology and history.

I have advanced degrees relating to the theology and history. I know my stuff. I quietly explain I do know. He disagrees. We talk for a while at cross purposes, as he tries to prove to me that women who believed in God were stupid, and I try to point out that, in the medieval period, it was quite normal to believe in God and they wouldn't have thought about things as we do.

Eventually, I got off the phone. My dad is still keen to tell me what is wrong with my research, because clearly as a woman, I have no idea.

My Dad is terrible for this.

I grew up with computers whereas he had to learn in his 30s/40s.

If something is wrong with a gadget he should fix it. When he can't, I'll do it and he will get huffy.

Doesn't do it to DH though...

Once a man tried to mansplain hitchhiking to me. He assumed I wouldn't know what it meant. I was in my late 20s and had picked up hitchhikers before.

A Doctor explaining periods and period pain to me as one of those things and that they 'aren't as bad as women think they are'.

A man talking over me to tell me why the books I was reading for my degree in English Literature were the wrong ones and which ones I should have read instead. This is after he kept pushing me to say what books we were studying and why etc. Question after question and not one answer I gave him was correct. Apparently. 🙄 Never sat an exam or read much himself btw, so not an expert. Just more right than me because I was young and female.

Actually Literature Man thought he was more right than all my Professors too so perhaps just a know all rather than mansplaining.

"My male boss then entered the room and joined in the conversation (actually cutting off one of the women mid sentence) to say 'for him' labour was actually more of a mental thing and that once you've realised what you are feeling is immense pressure NOT PAIN you are through the mental barrier. I've never seen a man be more oblivious to the daggers been thrown at him in a room.

It was astounding tbh...even more so when he emailed me some articles the next day that had 'helped him get through his daughters labour"

@Justwantsleepnow

Ah that is gold. Made me laugh out loud.

@MitziK I feel your pain. It's like being asked to shoot in Jpeg! 😂

Oh and I forgot about an ex who thought that women should never have any pain relief during childbirth because it was meant to be a natural process for all involved and "women are designed to give birth". He even thought that it should be an 'ecstatic' event that women can get pleasure from, because his mum felt that way while having his brother, until they brought her down to earth with gas and air that she didn't want.

He also described himself as 'not a feminist'.

@Bumper1969

"I've had a man completely re write a poem of mine after a workshop and an hour of unasked for "editing advice". The poem had already been published in a top literary magazine."

OMG - the arrogance of that!!

For reference, a mansplainer is a male with little or no prior knowledge of your field of expertise telling you how to better execute your role in a given circumstance that is outside of their remit, but which appears to be a 'boy job' and tjeirfore worthy ovtheir input.
In spite of it not being requested.

It's not the same as helpful advice, education from skilled peers or otherwise friendly interactions from those who have spent years honing their craft. It is very much driven by a certain type of male who feels his universal knowledge of everything from 'back in the day' or ' I learned this on my course therefore it's gospel' trumps modern education.

@carla1983 please tell me how you coped with that comment?!

I lived in South Korea for 10 years. A dude who liked a Korean cop movie mansplained Korean culture to me for an hour - he had never been there.

But my favorite was when a shirtless guy on Twitter tried to mansplain space to a female astronaut.

DH has a talent for this. He is intelligent in a specialised field and is so used to being knowledgable that he treats it as a transferable skill to be applied to just about anything.

He also has the related talent of telling you what you need to do... while you're already doing it. Being such a well rounded 21st Century man, he does at least do it to other men as well and doesn't discriminate by sex.

At 17 weeks pregnant, I was about to go through the transition from 1st trimester to 3rd trimester with a little overlap. I hadn't eaten a meal for over 3 months. I had yearned to be sick just to relieve the relentless nausea, but no, if I dared to put something controversial in my mouth such as a toothbrush or mouthwash, I'd just get painful dry gagging. By 17 weeks I'd been exhausted for months, my lowest weight in a decade despite gaining considerable bump and was to put it quite mildly, feeling bloody shit.
DH was having his PhD graduation which necessitated his mother coming over to stay, which necessitated restoring the house to Wimpy Showhome standards. I was working part time since losing my casual full time supply post after week 8 when I fainted mid-lesson and had a panic attack in school the next day when I found blood and thought I could be having a miscarriage (obviously all had settled by this point.)
Mission Showhome was not going well. The only yelling argument I have ever had with DH was when he made the critical error of telling me that the (textbook) 1st trimester had actually ended and I should be feeling good in some fictious bullshit known as a second trimester (whatever that was supposed to be) and so and so got on fine with working in the office...
My temper exploded that every women feels different... how did he know that so and so didn't come home and crash out afterwards... all I knew was that I had been feeling bloody awful for months... etc etc.
By the time of the event at 18 weeks, I was sufficiently into the 3rd trimester to be freely offered seats on the underground and for my pelvis to grind up with what turned out to be SPD.

He didn't do it again in pregnancy and was pretty considerate by the time it was obvious that a few spare stones protrouding off the front of me were slowing down. He did nearly get lamped a few times when in smug new dad mode though... particularly when bragging about baby sleeping through. No baby did not sleep through. DH slept through baby not sleeping through. I wasn't sure which sleep deprived mother was going to lamp him first, me or the other one!

Watching The Handmaid's Tale is an interesting one for identifying how much of a white, middle-aged, middle-class man he's evolving into...

I love him most of the time, but sometimes I do need to take a deep breath!

My DH doesn't mansplain exactly, but he does over-explain. He can say a couple of sentences about how to do something, and I'll say "Ah, Ok, got it" and then he'll carry on and on and on. So dull.

@DoctorDread - do you mean the childbirth comment?

I've never given birth so I couldn't really say but I thought it was a very silly comment. He had very old fashioned ideas about women and what a 'good woman' was. He also thought that traditional gender roles were excellent. I was about to leave the country to work overseas and we were breaking up anyway.

I did watch a relative give birth. There didn't appear to be anything pleasurable or ecstatic about it. Lol.

Can I ask if there's a difference between my understanding of mansplaining: telling you how to do something in extremely condescending tones - because you are a woman - and when my DP listens to my explanation/insight or opinion on something he knows little about and then repeats it back to me as if he just had a great thought?

I believe this is called ‘He-peating’, like repeating but it all suddenly being heard by all because it was said in a man’s voice. Usually in a group of mixed sexes, but also can happen one on one. Notably in corporate meetings.

My contribution to mansplaining would have to be my DB. First baby born a few months ago. I was over at theirs and asked how the breastfeeding was going. Funnily enough, I was asking my SIL, not DB. He answered ‘Much better, since I took it all in hand.’

Then, in front of me (breastfed for 9 months), his mother, his MIL (3 breastfed kids each) and a family friend (2 breastfed kids) he proceeded to mansplain breastfeeding and all the aspects of it that ‘women inevitably get wrong’ about it. For 25 minutes. With handy diagrams. The diagrams were the end of me. I must have made a noise, which he took as admiration and encouragement. He whipped out his phone and forwarded me the diagrams, for my interest. Diagrams of boobs. To an owner of boobs.

I’d love to end this by saying that SIL and I had a good chuckle afterwards, or that somebody in the group gave him what-for. Unfortunately he went on to mansplain another day.

I've been told I'm evil. I agree with this assessment of my character

If it's a common or garden knobsworth kindly dispensing his vast knowledge to all and sundry, I let them get on with it with a mere look of death deadpan 'Oh. Thanks. Right, it's been lovely talking to you, but I've got to get back to work now'. 'Oh, you're a barmaid, then?'. 'Um, not quite'.

If it's directed specifically at me because I am a mere female who couldn't possibly comprehend such technical details, I let them get deeper. And deeper. And deeper still. Maybe ask an incredibly simple question 'You mean that black thing there?'. They get in deeper as my mates are pulling faces at me and mouthing 'STOP IT'. Then, once my prey is securely within the Kill Zone, I pounce.

'Well, it's theoretically possible to use a condenser directly in front of an amplifier if you can switch the polar pattern and keep the backline down to about 2, but personally, I'd rather keep three and a half grand's worth of Neumann M149 large diaphragm tube mic safely on its shock mount in my studio and stick a ninety quid SM57 right by where the bloke with the SG is going to land when he leaps off the drum riser. But thanks for the advice, anyhow.'

Apparently, I draw blood.

New dads telling experienced
mums how hard it is to juggle family commitments and work aspirations. Whilst having a stay at home wife!!

Some bloke once stopped me in Lidl to tell me the optimal way to push a pram.

Watched and listened while a man explained Buddhism to a Buddhist nun. I've been mansplained to before but nothing I've experienced quite beats that.

My ex could talk for (literally) hours after someone had asked him a simple question. I'd try to butt in to stop him but it never worked. He could "mansplain" until the other person was unconscious and he'd still keep it up.

A chap on my social media a couple weeks ago helpfully shared a how to guide on how to properly care for the vagina with my mostly adult and female theatre set.

15 suggestions, including how we all have thrush and just don't know it.

It even came witb helpful diagrams!