Help I hate driving :(

[Rubbishrubbish]

I had several lessons (20+) in a manual but I could not get it at all so I switched to an auto and am now six lessons in. I find it much easier than a manual but I still cannot get to grips with all the rules of the road. I panic and forget which way to indicate, I can't figure out who is supposed to give way to who, I am shite at gauging distance. I haven't even been on a dual carriageway yet and I am absolutely dreading it.

I'm learning in SE London which doesn't help as other drivers are fast and aggressive.

I have a lovely and patient instructor but I have no confidence. I feel I'm shit and I'm never going to improve. Got another lesson this morning - we are going to tackle the big roundabout and I'm already having kittens about it. Just hate it.

Has anyone else overcome this? My default reaction is to panic and forget everything

Is it vital for a job or something that you drive? If you live in London, then transport is great and you don't really need to drive. If you hate it that much, why are you continuing? I would hate to learn to drive now given how crowded the roads are and how rude and aggressive so many drivers are. It is a great skill to have, but some people are not cut out for it. DSis is a fabulous navigator, but driving was definitely not her thing!

We will be moving out of London soon so it's absolutely vital that I learn.

The only real cure is to do it more. Honestly.

Do you have a partner/friend/family member who is a qualified driver and would take you out to practice between lessons? Even to an empty car park on a Sunday morning and then on some quieter back roads so you can get the manoeuvres and sequences into muscle memory? That will reduce the panic hugely. I would have passed much more slowly if it weren't for my parents taking me driving on weekend mornings.

The good thing about learning in London is that once you are qualified you will be able to cope with absolutely anything.

No one has an automatic car unfortunately

We have a manual but DH doesn't want to swap it for an auto until I pass

I echo what @CmdrCressidaDuck said. If you can cope with traffic in SE London you'll are set up for life.

I took a weeks all intensive course when I was 19. Within the 1st 5 mins I was approaching a bit roundabout & had no clue what to do, when to slow down or stop. Spent the next few days driving in & around London & navigating some of the worst traffic & biggest roundabouts (Hyde Park corner being one of them). Taught me lane control & how to anticipate other traffic.

Just keep calm & you'll get there.

Just keep at it, you'll get it. I've had plenty of those panic moments and stalls. Try to breathe right down to the bottom of your chest when you're nervous and if something like Rescue Remedy helps you, go for it. It will become second nature and you will get confident and competent.

I hated learning to drive. Absolutely hated the whole process of it. I think it is because I learned much older than most people, so at a time in my life when I'd mastered stuff I was good at and wasn't in the habit of learning new skills and being terrible at them for a while. I felt constantly disheartened by how awful I was at driving because I was no longer used to being bad at things. After every lesson I came home frustrated and miserable.

The only thing I could do was plough on and persevere - there was no way I was going to stop as I'd put so much money, time and effort into it that it would have been a massive failure on my part to give up.

And of course I gradually got better and it all finally clicked (after many, many lessons - I think I had about 100 hours of lessons but I wasn't putting pressure on myself about how long it would take). And I passed first time.

Just keep at it and don't pressurise yourself about how long it will take. You will get there in the end, even if the process of getting there is really not fun.

I just feel like, I'm thirty years old and I have two degrees. How is it that seventeen year olds can do this and I can't?!

Could you do an intensive off-road course somewhere so you are completely happy with the handling of the car and then you can go onto the roads? I can imagine it is scary learning in south east London but to be honest people are aggressive everywhere, but perhaps not as much.

Also 6 lessons isn't very many. I never looked forward to my lessons until the very end, I had about 30. When you look forward to your lessons you are probably approaching being ready for your test! It is a hard thing to master and it is a bit of an ordeal at the beginning. At least not worrying about gears helps a lot and I suspect it is the future anyway as hybrids and electric cars are automatics - in 10 years' time people won't be learning on manuals anymore.

I'm fine with actually driving the car (I mean that part is piss easy in an auto) it's everything else I'm crap at.

Oh and 17 year olds find it hard too! I passed when I was 18. It was hard.

My son is a real petrolhead and had a driving experience at Brooklands in Surrey (off-road as he is 16). He found it quite hard and a bit of a shock and said the same as you, so much to think about, and he has a new found respect for me and his dad I think! But he also realises everyone manages it in the end, and when he starts learning properly I am sure he'll be fine.

learning while young like twenties is advantage.
its all practice, practice and practice. you have 2 degrees you can definitely do it.

But if you go off-road you can practice indicating, working out how would have priority etc without a load of aggressive nutters around. Then you can go back onto the roads. Personally I think everyone should do their first five lessons off-road.

Learn to drive when you move away from London. I've been driving over 35 years and would NEVER drive in London for millions of pounds!

As much as I would love that Tensixtysix I don't think it's a practical solution

When stressed we all make mistakes it’s a common response. I think you need to look at why you lack confidence and tackle that. DS and his friends are all just taking their tests. He was confident as anything had 20 lessons and no practice as I would not take him out due to insurance costs and he passed. His friend took two attempts, he could actually drive well but was incredibly stressed as he needed to pass his test as was taking up a job role that asked for it. The pressure on him was immense. I would imagine your almost too desperate to get it sorted as moving house and area which is incredibly stressful in itself.

Just pass in an auto and take your manual test when you move to wherever you’re doing.

I hated learning to drive, took me ages, but one day it just clicked. I can only reiterate that practice will help. Maybe an intensive course is something you can look into?

I too learned in London at 30 and hated it. The first time I actually enjoyed driving was when I was taking my test. It still took me three attempts to pass. I then didn’t drive for another ten years until we moved to the country when I took a refresher course. Mind you, I then realised I’d never driven at more than 30mph because I’d only driven in London! Be kind to yourself op, some people take longer than others.

Just pass in an auto and take your manual test when you move to wherever you’re doing.

I'm already learning in an auto!!!

I think you need to look at why you lack confidence and tackle that

Because I'm afraid I'll kill myself or someone else.

It sounds like you are telling yourself in advance you will be crap and nervous and frightened.

And then, surprise surprise, you are. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

You are, i assume, a grown adult woman who can function perfectly normally in adult society and life? Pay bills, meet people, do shopping, manage a household? Do you go round telling yourself you will be awful at all those things and can't do them and "have kittens" about going to Tesco?

You are, i assume, a grown adult woman who can function perfectly normally in adult society and life? Pay bills, meet people, do shopping, manage a household? Do you go round telling yourself you will be awful at all those things and can't do them and "have kittens" about going to Tesco

Actually I suffer bad anxiety and there are a lot of things I can't do without having kittens, but thank you for the kind and supportive post.

This was me last year. Learnt at 34/35 so later than most. Anxiety as well, terrified of driving. Automatic helped as I could concentrate on what was happening around me rather than the process of driving.

You hit the nail on the head with being afraid of making the wrong decisions, but driving is almost all about making decisions! I was constantly doubting myself - who has right of way etc, despite knowing full well if I was given a hypothetical situation or looking at it from passenger seat! I always asked my instructor for help whenever I got to a roundabout or junction etc.

What helped me most was my instructor got me to narrate the drive. So I would say what I was doing out loud like "roundabout coming up, i want to turn right so I need the right hand lane, that blue car has right of way then I can go..."

It felt really daft at first but it meant I could make those decisions whilst at the same time my instructor could jump in and comment if I was about to do something stupid. I eventually realised that he was intervening less and less, until I was basically doing it all myself without input. It gave me the confidence to know that I could make those decisions by myself.

I passed at the end of last year with only one minor. You can do it!

Well that helped, shitbag. Confidence is great but driving is a whole series of complex motor skills and routines strung together in a complex and high stakes environment. It's perfectly normal and understandable to find it intimidating and difficult at first. Everybody struggles and experiences conscious incompetence at first especially when learning in an environment as busy and complex as London.

OP think of it this way. When you learn any skill the process is: unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, unconscious competence. You're in "conscious incompetence" - you know you're learning, you know it's hard and you are struggling, but you have already made progress and understood the skills you need to master, you're past the first stage already. You WILL get to "conscious competence", when you still need to think about it but you can do it, and one day it'll be so deep in your head you can do it without even thinking. Every successful qualified driver has been where you are and they all got through it. You will too.

Although I might also tell your DH to just buck up and change the car if you're going to anyway as it would really help you to pass if you can practice outside lessons.