Hubby planning a world trip

[keepingthisasecret]

My husband has just told me he is planning to do a trip around the world (not every country), with his friends, leaving me with the children by myself for at least 6 months, maybe a little less. He is able to do that with his company luckily! They will just keep him on the books and re employ him again. I said that I am against it in all honesty because why should I be stuck at home looking after the kids and working my ass off while he is off gallivanting with his mates on a world tour! He is telling me he only gets to live once and therefore he wants to go and enjoy himself. I said if he goes then we are not going to be here by the time he gets back. Sounds very , very over the top but I am so angry that he hasn't even thought of me. I mean it that i will be leaving if he goes! I will do it once the children are old enough to look after themselves but for now they're only young. Would you let him go? Or am I being a moody unreasonable cow? Honest truths!

You have got to be joking. I would absolutely say no. In fact I would be flabbergasted he had even considered the idea for a second.

Single men with no DC can do that kind of thing. Married men without DC might be able to do that kind of thing, if their wife doesn’t mind being left for 6 months. Once you have DC that sort of thing is off the menu till they are grown.

How does he propose to explain to the DC that he’s choosing not to see them for half a year?

He isn't a single man anymore. He has responsibilities. If traveling the world is more important to him than his family, then I think you wouldn't be unreasonable to leave him. I'm sure you'd be better off.

Ask him when do you get to up and leave for six months?

YANBU!

6 months travelling around the works spending money and not earning anything whilst you are stuck at home with the kids and no prospect of a break. How are you expected to afford to this 6 month break from his responsibilities? This is just not something you can do if you have a family. And no loving partner should want to be way from his wife for that long or to miss out on seeing the kids grow up for the sake of a holiday.

If my DP did this I can assure you he would not be coming back to me or his kids after 6 months away, that would be relationship over.

Tell him you'll need an address to send the divorce papers to. Like minipie said, you can do it if you're single or if there are no kids and your wife would rather have 6 months of peace and quiet, but if your wife isn't happy about being left with the kids then....
I'd let him go. But I'd not be taking him back on his return. You don't bugger off if you're in a relationship without your OH being on board (unless you don't want the relationship to survive). Common sense would suggest you didn't even broach the subject, or at most you put out tentative feelers (and whipped them back in quick at the first raised eyebrow)

Dont waste your life with him if he does this. Dont hang around until the kuds are old enough. TBH it sounds like you both dont want to be together. I dont blame you for offering real consequences if he goes. If he loved you and dc he wouldn't do this.

Can't you plan a travel adventure together as a family? How old are dc? Whats your mortgage/ rental situation?

I’d leave him 100%. It just shows he’s not bothered about you or the kids. Is he normally a hands on dad (I can’t imagine he is if he’s proposing this mad idea but thought I’d ask!). I’d expect a 16 year old father to have more sense and responsibility! His company will reemploy him but presumably won’t pay him for a 6 month holiday? How does he think you (as a family) will cover the shortfall?

Absolutely no chance would I still be there after if my DH did that!

That's awful, he's a father and a husband, he can't just go off because it suits him and it's a life time trip ffs.

I agree it's something you should plan together later in life. I assume the friend he wants to travel with doesn't have a wife or children? If they do, I'm sure they are feeling utterly annoyed as well.

This is not right on so many levels and I'm speaking from being a fellow world traveller myself. I back packed for 18 months when I was in my 30's before my DC came along. I'm now 40 settled and would love to travel again, but of course when DC is all grown up. It's called being a parent. For what it's worth I don't blame you for being so angry.

YANBU
He is a father and has responsibilities. Who is going to pay for a roof over their heads, for food and heating and clothes? Oh yay, their mother if course whilst he is going away on his jollies and leaving with everything.
Have you asked him how he felt if YOU were going away for 6 months leaving him with the dcs p, working full time etc..? would he accept that happily? Does he even accept to do that for a weekend?

Funny how some men think they can have kids then act like they don't exist.

Did he seriously think you'd be happily waving him off?!

And btw, leaving means leaving whilst he is away during his trip of a life time.
YWBVU to wait until the dcs are older.

What did he say when you said you would leave him?

I'd leave DH for thinking about it. I couldn't stay married to someone who could contemplate not seeing his children for six months.

I am not often lost for words but his self absorption is breath takinly spectacular.

I would be keen to look for ways to support my oh to fulfill his dreams, as he would mine, BUT that would be discussed, the ideas developed, WITHIN the relationship. It certainly would not have been a decision he made outside of this set up asunde delivered to me as a done deal.

WTF?! Is he serious?? I'm pretty relaxed and open minded, but if my partner even suggested this, I'd be bloody gobsmacked.

Let him go. 6 months is plenty of time to file for divorce and sort out a new life for you and the kids.

Eh that would be a BIG FAT NO from me. he has a nerve. We all have things we want to do, 6 months travelling with mates is not really acceptable not when you have a family.

This reminds me of my friend’s DH. He doesn’t do 6 months but he does loads of ‘boys trips’, some masquerading as fundraising and some just vanity projects. Usually only for 2 weeks maximum but I bet if you added them up it would be at least 6 months. He pulls the ‘you only live once’ line and ‘I need to do it whilst I’m young enough to be able’. He is very wealthy.

Selfish T**t. Him, not you!

I'd say "Well we'd better get to the solicitor quickly before you go."

Honestly men are so self centred and selfish. As if he seriously thought you’d be ok with this? When do you get your 6 month trip?

How old are you children?

I am very easy going, but it would be a definite no from me.

The divorce papers would be ready for him to sign upon his return, I assure you. I would tell him if he goes, the marriage is over the second the door closes behind him. What an absolute prick.

Wow. My selfish STBXH often said things like 'we only live once' but even he talked about extensive travel once the DC were older/left home. If this is genuine then he has no respect for you or your relationship as a couple.
If he really wants to do something like this you could live abroad/travel for a year as a family, but he hasn't mentioned that as an option...?