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Original poster

Husbands inheritance in our property

91 replies

Mexico30 · 23/06/2019 18:26

Hi,
This may be long so I apologise!

Basically, my husband and I have been married 6 years, together for 10. I moved in to his house (he lived with his dad) 9 years ago with my 2 year old daughter (from a previous relationship) and his dad moved out. We then paid him rent. Everything was split 50/50 rent and bills wise. We had our son in 2012, married in 2013 and bought the same house from his dad in 2014.

Now, his dad sold it to us £20k below what it was valued for so as we could extend it. We were going to pay him an extra £5k after 2 years. Sadly he passed away in 2015 very suddenly and my husband was left quite a bit as inheritance. We then went on to extend upstairs in 2016.

Fast forward to now and we have sold this house, ready to buy a new one and my husband has now said, out of the blue, he would like something written down officially to say he paid for the work on this house with his inheritance so it's not affected if we ever separate. What?! He wants the first £60K of any money we have after selling (at any point in the future if we split up) and then what's left can be halved. This £60K is from some of his inheritance AND THE £20K that was taken off at the beginning. I have been knocked down sideways...not a clue what to do.
Even though all decisions/purchases have been made by us both because it was 'his' money I'm now losing out if we separate. He also says it's the time and effort hes put in, being a joiner he did most of the work to be fair but obviously I can't do any of that and feel I'm being penalised.
I have always paid the bills, hes paid the mortgage, it's his car I use and hes got a van as well as a kit car. Hes self employed and earns more than me, I feel like I've been shit on from a great height yet in the next breath he says 'but were not splitting up'...what's the big deal then?!

I'm so confused.... 😕

P.s. if we were to split up now, hypothetically, I would be entitled to half from this house

OP posts:

womaninthedark · 23/06/2019 20:22

Split up now.

Ooogetyooo · 23/06/2019 20:30

No way would I sign this .
You're married you have a life and family together you have made a contribution . If you split you should not be penalised. The inheritance has gone into the joint pot whilst you were married. As mentioned above you're his wife not a business partner .

Ooogetyooo · 23/06/2019 20:31

Further more I would be furious that he thought so little of my ( unpaid) contribution as a mother and partner over the years.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General money

BackwardsGoing · 23/06/2019 20:45

What @cano said.

Thankfully you are married so you have much more protection than if you weren't.

But he doesn't sound nice at all so I would take steps to protect yourself financially.

krustykittens · 23/06/2019 21:31

Sorry, OP, but all your updates make me think your OP is financially abusive. While I don't think there is anything wrong with people protecting assets, it's odd that he brings this up now and the way your finances are arranged - wow. Just....wow. He's a dick.

ComeAndDance · 24/06/2019 06:10

Please you are married and you should have everything split in 50/50.
The fact he is asking you to pay half when you are working l’art time AND doing all the childcare etc... is crap to start with. But him keeping ‘his’ inheritance is more than crap.

PLEASE DO NOT ACCEPT ANY AGREEMENT WITHOUT LEGAL ADVICE FIRST.
I’m sorry for shouting but really. He is manipulating you towards screwing you up financially whilst making you think it’s ok and normal. He is already doing doing that re the 50/50 and making you feel bad about ‘giving you money’ wtf. You are married!!
Dont fall for the ‘this money is MINE’ and accepting anything from him.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/06/2019 06:17

I am shocked by this. It is absurd and deeply insulting. He lays this on you NOW? Years after the fact? I would be telling him to fuck off. It seems he doesn't understand what marriage is.

SnowsInWater · 24/06/2019 06:27

You have been together so long it would all be viewed as shared assets, ten years is generally the point of no return. He can try and get something in writing but tbh I don't think it would ever be legally enforceable. It's way too late to reallocate assets, even prenups are hard to enforce so I just don't understand why anyone would cause bad feeling for nothing - I would be furious at the implicit accusation that should you ever split you couldn't be trusted to behave honourably. Send him off to a lawyer who can take his money and tell him he's an idiot.

llangennith · 24/06/2019 06:31

Don't sign anything! Get legal advice and also have a frank conversation with your DH regarding how this makes you feel about your relationship.

MsTSwift · 24/06/2019 07:05

Don’t waste money on getting legal advice don’t sign anything though frankly even if you did it would mean nothing anyway. He’s abit thick as well as miserly.

mollycoddle77 · 24/06/2019 09:50

It would be interesting to hear more from the posters who thought it was fair and would happily sign - why? How is this fair when you have been married for 10 years and have made decisions as a family on the assumption that everyone is safe and look after because they are a team? If OP had known finances would be considered separate in this way, would she not have needed to make different decisions about her career and earning power? I know I would not want to be in a family unit, where it was still each man to his own. What's the point of it then?

Original poster

Mexico30 · 24/06/2019 11:49

Thank you everybody...genuinely. I'm not going to seek financial advice as from what I've read hes 'invested' in to the marital home. I'm not the best at making decisions and sometimes find it difficult to see what's actually going on as just want an easy life, more fool me! Got a long chat ahead....

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 24/06/2019 16:26

You came on here for advice, OP. Now do as you're told and get legal advice! Never mind wanting an easy life!

MsTSwift · 24/06/2019 17:03

She doesn’t need legal advice. Just say “I’m not signing anything we’ve been married for 10 years and have kids together you are a prat”

Littlegoth · 25/06/2019 09:03

I missed the bit about having kids to be honest!

I can understand wanting to protect an inheritance when it’s just the two of you (ie each party gets out what they put in, which does feel fair) but once kids are involved and you take into account your reduction in hours, and therefore pension - and probably some promotion opportunities if we’re honest, there’s your 60k and then some.

Work our what this sacrifice has cost you in financial terms, including saved childcare etc.

We don’t have kids yet (one on the way!) but my partner is the high earner and all our money is pooled now. Everything goes into the same pot and always has.

My ex husband insisted on 50-50 even when I was studying. Our house had been bought with my inheritance and when we split I insisted on getting that back as he’d been so mean with ‘his’ money. I’ve been on both sides of the coin, but we didn’t have kids. I wonder how he would feel if it had been your inheritance that paid for the house?

ComeAndDance · 25/06/2019 09:15

It would be interesting to hear more from the posters who thought it was fair and would happily sign - why?

I come from a country where married partners keep inheritance out of the marital assets. The idea is to protect inheritance and more particulary to ensure that said inheritance is going to the children rather than seeing half of it been given to an estranded wife/husband.
BUT if it is used to buy a house/any FAMILY assets, then it is clearly then part of the common pot!

The comment about the OP having given up a lot re tiem and career etc... works if its the man who is receiving an iheritance. But what if its the woman and that inheritance is basically her pension? Would it be fair to put that in the common pot when her husband has already been facilitated right, left and centre?

Original poster

Mexico30 · 25/06/2019 09:58

I spoke to him again last night and he cant see anything apart from the fact the house and the money knocked off at the beginning as well as the inheritance has come from his dad...that's his reasoning, end of. I'm not even a greedy person and was happy to chat about it but hes being selfish.
I've got in touch for some advice today so just waiting on a reply.

OP posts:

ComeAndDance · 25/06/2019 13:16

Thats a good start Mexico. this will give you a better idea of where you stand, at least legally, if not morally.

Ooogetyooo · 25/06/2019 15:57

Blimey... hope you're getting good legal advice . Can't believe he's being stubborn about it.

LiverpoolVictoria · 25/06/2019 16:45

I can kind of see where he's coming from, OP, with the £60k not the extra £20k.

I have a house, the equity is about £120k. The mortgage is interest only, and when DH moved in I didn't change it (he moved in 6 months after we started dating, and my thinking was he couldn't 'claim' half of the equity if we split as he'd not paid any of the mortgage off).
9 years on we are married. We have put a loft conversion on the house (jointly saved £5k and I then put in £35k).
If we were to split I would be very upset to then have to give him half of that equity - £60k - as it is from property prices going up rather than him contributing to paying the mortgage off.

I will also come into about £400-600k inheritance at some point, and if we then divorced I would be upset to have to give him half of that.

At some stage we will buy together, potentially once I do have the inheritance so we can get a bigger house, but I will want to have something written up that if we do split what I had before (£120k) and any inheritance comes back to me.

Surely that isn't unreasonable?

Original poster

Mexico30 · 25/06/2019 17:52

@LiverpoolVictoria I can see where your coming from as it was already your house but we bought it together, made all decisions together and he invested his in inheritance in it. If he wanted that keeps separate he should have said at the start, not 4 years down the line and lull me in to a false sense of security.

From what I've read you can keep your inheritance separate and it may not be included as an asset. Once any money is put in to something that is joint, hes entitled to it.

OP posts:

BogglesGoggles · 25/06/2019 17:56

I would just say no. He made a promise when he married you to share all your worldly possessions. A promise is a promise and trumps any notions of natural justice.

Rosemary46 · 25/06/2019 17:56

It's 50/50 even though you work part time and have shouldered the childcare and massive hit to your own career and earning power over the years, all to facilitate his?! hmm not the nice guy you seem to think tbh.. He's intent on protecting himself, rather than taking care of you and the DC as well

This.

Bishalisha · 25/06/2019 18:01

OP may I ask how many multiples of your income does he make? And how many hours you do?

Your division of household costs is ridiculous- unless you earn a good salary and can match his at part time hours?

ladyvimes · 25/06/2019 18:18

You’re married so what’s his is yours and vice versa. My husband used a (much larger) inheritance on our house. It’s our house and shared equally. I don’t understand splitting finances like this at all in a marriage!

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