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Original poster

Husbands inheritance in our property

91 replies

Mexico30 · 23/06/2019 18:26

Hi,
This may be long so I apologise!

Basically, my husband and I have been married 6 years, together for 10. I moved in to his house (he lived with his dad) 9 years ago with my 2 year old daughter (from a previous relationship) and his dad moved out. We then paid him rent. Everything was split 50/50 rent and bills wise. We had our son in 2012, married in 2013 and bought the same house from his dad in 2014.

Now, his dad sold it to us £20k below what it was valued for so as we could extend it. We were going to pay him an extra £5k after 2 years. Sadly he passed away in 2015 very suddenly and my husband was left quite a bit as inheritance. We then went on to extend upstairs in 2016.

Fast forward to now and we have sold this house, ready to buy a new one and my husband has now said, out of the blue, he would like something written down officially to say he paid for the work on this house with his inheritance so it's not affected if we ever separate. What?! He wants the first £60K of any money we have after selling (at any point in the future if we split up) and then what's left can be halved. This £60K is from some of his inheritance AND THE £20K that was taken off at the beginning. I have been knocked down sideways...not a clue what to do.
Even though all decisions/purchases have been made by us both because it was 'his' money I'm now losing out if we separate. He also says it's the time and effort hes put in, being a joiner he did most of the work to be fair but obviously I can't do any of that and feel I'm being penalised.
I have always paid the bills, hes paid the mortgage, it's his car I use and hes got a van as well as a kit car. Hes self employed and earns more than me, I feel like I've been shit on from a great height yet in the next breath he says 'but were not splitting up'...what's the big deal then?!

I'm so confused.... 😕

P.s. if we were to split up now, hypothetically, I would be entitled to half from this house

OP posts:
ComeAndDance · 23/06/2019 19:19

As an aside, if he has invested the inheritance instead, that would still have been part of divorce proceeding.
I wouod wonder why he didn’t try to protect that money at the time but suddenly wants to ring fence it.

Hadalifeonce · 23/06/2019 19:21

Sorry Mexico, are you saying that he paid for holidays, and the rest he spent on himself?

Original poster
Mexico30 · 23/06/2019 19:25

@Hadalifeonce yes, we went on 2 family holidays, he cleared his credit cards and bought a kit car

OP posts:

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General money
MadeForThis · 23/06/2019 19:27

I would refuse.

Bills should be split in proportion to income. Not 50/50. You work part time and do more childcare/housework so contribute less financially.

You have already paid too much.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 23/06/2019 19:27

I wouldn't agree to this. You are his wife not some business partner. Your earning potential is massively affected by having DC and being the primary carer so only working part time. He wants to screw you over. Cynical me wonders if there is another woman in his sights.
In a marriage you are meant to be a team, a unit. ^No one' in a good marriage is so calculating as to say their particular skills give them a greater say or financial claim on the marital home.
You need independent legal advice of your own and a divorce imo.
Your husband is not a nice man.

Disfordarkchocolate · 23/06/2019 19:29

What happens if you get an inheritance and spend it on the house, do you get to redo this.

Hadalifeonce · 23/06/2019 19:29

I assumed he had put it into your home and was now looking to retrieve it in the event of you marriage breaking down.
So why on earth would he even remotely think he should essentially, get this money again if you broke up?

Fairylea · 23/06/2019 19:31

I would be very hurt by this.

Dh and I have been together 10 years. He moved in with me and dd into a home that I owned with my mother, outright with no mortgage. We then remortgaged for half the equity to give to my mum her share so she could buy herself a house near us. She died in March and we are now selling her house and the money will come back to us and pay off the mortgage and we will have some left over (due to increase in house values). Not once have I or would I suggest that this is “my” money or try to suggest something like your dh. I am very much an all-in type person - even though I have been left high and dry in a previous divorce! I just think it’s horrible to feel like it’s yours and mine and whatever else. We are a family, we share everything.

CherryPavlova · 23/06/2019 19:37

No I’d not sign anything like that. You’re married and all monies have become shared monies. Is he thinking of separating?

Jaffacakebeast · 23/06/2019 19:37

I wouldn't sign it, Id tell him we could divorce now and get half, if that’s what it boiled down to

Original poster
Mexico30 · 23/06/2019 19:41

@Hadalifeonce sorry, it was spent on the house as well of course but the rest was on himself bar 2 holidays

Its just not sitting right, every decision I make is based on us as a family, it would never enter my head to suggest this? But I do see its his inheritance. I agree to an amount but not 60% with the rest then being halved...

OP posts:
Original poster
Mexico30 · 23/06/2019 19:47

The sad thing is he never used to be like this, he couldn't have been more generous...God knows what happened 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 23/06/2019 19:47

Nah, get legal advice. Cf. you have contributed more than your share

DorotheaHomeAlone · 23/06/2019 19:47

I would just refuse to even entertain this. You’re married. All your assets are shared. If he wants to discuss splitting it that should take into account the financial hit you’ve taken raising the kids. It’s a conversation for two people getting divorced not a happily married couple.

Ps a guy who makes you pay 50/50 while working part time to raise children isn’t a caveman or a good guy. He’s a selfish arse.

Hadalifeonce · 23/06/2019 19:49

It may have been his inheritance, but it has become family money now, apart from the kit car which I assume you wouldn't want, and forms part of your family home, which you both live in and contribute to financially.

Supersimpkin · 23/06/2019 19:49

Sign what you like, it's worthless - you're married so it won't apply, you're under duress with no legal advice even if it did.

More to the point is why DH is so keen on this 'paper' now.

MsTSwift · 23/06/2019 19:52

It’s weird hurtful and pointless. Long marriage you’ve both invested financially and your unpaid labour fiddling round saying “this is mine” won’t cut any ice with a judge if you divorce. It’s all on the table. I would be extremely suspicious as to why this is being raised now too Hmm

BackforGood · 23/06/2019 19:52

Wow!
Am really surprised by most of the answers so far. Shock

As a couple, we are the other way round - I had property before we met. I supported him for 7 years while he trained. I then earned more for years. I too then had an inheritance.
It never occurred to me, and I would never do / say what your dh has said.
We are a team. Equal partners. All money goes in 'the pot' and we do what is best for us, and for our family at the times we make those decisions, with whatever money (and whatever skills, and any other circumstances) we have at the time those decisions are made.
I would be incredibly a) shocked b) offended and c) upset at such a request.
Forget the maths - it is the principle of it. Hmm

Original poster
Mexico30 · 23/06/2019 20:02

@Backforgood I was and still am 😕 I wanted to go to university a few years ago and he wrote it off straight away as I wouldn't have an income for 3 years...would have saved on childcare though...

This is really painting him in a bad light, I'm not looking at this through rose tinted specs and I can read this man like a book...that's the problem, he thinks he can just say what he wants but of course I shoot him down (if needed), no matter the subject

Were due to complete on this house in 4 weeks or so, will look in to some advice this week 👍

OP posts:
RandomMess · 23/06/2019 20:05

I would jus say "guess we're not moving anymore then, we'll just stay here"

DustyMaiden · 23/06/2019 20:08

I think when you are married everything belongs to you both equally, or don’t marry.

MsTSwift · 23/06/2019 20:11

The ship had sailed for him. If he wanted to hoard his gold coins for himself he shouldn’t have got married or had children. He does not sound like a decent husband or father. Wouldn’t occur to dh or I what’s his is nine and vice versa we’re a team. The law supports this too btw

Cano · 23/06/2019 20:13

I would say no to signing, remind him the $20,000 was knocked off because you both paid rent. You earn less because of childcare for both your DC so are disadvantaged. You should not be paying 50 per cent of the bills. Tell him in future you are only paying a percentage.

He spent a lot of his inheritance on himself, why should he be entitled to it again. He is not taking into account your contributions and is being very one sided.

He sounds very grabby. Tell him to divorce you if he doesn’t like it.

CruellaFeinberg · 23/06/2019 20:16

So you work part time, do all the child care, bet you do most if not all the cleaning and cooking .... and pay 50%

He is not a good man!

MsTSwift · 23/06/2019 20:19

Let mr miser pay for childcare and cleaning services that you provide for free and see how long his £20k lasts Hmm. I’d laugh in his face if he came whining around waving a piece of paper

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