Help me stop my toddler from overeating!

[Karmaa]

Since before DD2 even weaned, she was extremely interested in any food that was around her. When I started weaning her, I couldn't believe the way she would literally eat any food. You could purée any veg combo and she would guzzle it up. Problems we had though were, as soon as she saw we were making food, the crying would begin until she was fed it. Then, as soon as her meal was finished she'd scream for more. She was otherwise very placid. Things got worse and basically, she would start screaming during the meal and it became apparent over time that the thing upsetting her was the thought of the meal finishing. It was so bad to the point I couldn't take her into café's or anywhere that food was being served because her melt downs were just so severe. She is now 3 and we still have some issues surrounding food. She basically will not stop eating. She is around the 10th centile for height and the 75th for weight and looks fine (obviously on the chubby side though). When it's just me and her, it's fine. I control portion sizes and give her healthy meals & snacks. To give you an idea of how much her world revolves around food, before she goes to bed for her nap or her night time sleep, she always asks me "mummy is it nighttime or naptime" and when I say "nighttime" she's really happy and says "yay! I get breakfast when I wake up" or if I say "naptime" she is sad because she knows she doesn't get a meal straight after her nap. Bearing in mind naptime comes straight after lunch so she can't possibly be hungry.

Where I'm having real issues is that my best friend has a 1.5 year old who is really picky with food. She grazes throughout the day so whenever we meet said friend, she brings a massive lunchbox full of food. Anything from cocktail sausages, veg, pretzels, breadsticks. She always opens up the box for my DD and hers to get stuck into. I tried saying that my DD shouldn't really be eating at that time because it's maybe an hour before she is due to have dinner but it just becomes impossible. DD gets very upset if she isn't allowed any of the food and then my friend feels bad about it. I resorted to bringing my own packed lunch along whenever we see them, basically full of cucumber sticks, carrot sticks and such to give to my DD but she still ends up eating from my friends lunch box. I did say no to this and told her she has her own but then she'll just cry continually and my friend ends up feeling bad.

I'm finding it so difficult. I don't want to overfeed DD but i don't know how to control these external factors like other people feeding her.

I'll just give you another example to explain how she is around food. The other day, we went to our friends house who had prepared us a lovely brunch. DD had bread, ham & other cold meat, fruit, croissant, yoghurt etc. We left just before 12 and DD said "mummy when we get home can I have morning snack and lunch". I explained that she wouldn't be having those because we had gone for brunch instead. She cried for about 20 minutes straight.

She's obviously eating or wanting to eat for reasons other than being hungry and I'm just not sure how best to deal with this.

Sorry for the long post. Please help!

I don't think kids need to be fed 24/7 but funnily enough, my friend who constantly gives her kids snacks has big trouble with her son not eating his school dinners or evening meals

My dd is fussy so I do have to bring snacks for her to eat but they’re not unhealthy ones. That’s hard to balance with ds. My fussy child eats slowly, little and often. Always has done since she was a child. She’s never been one to gorge and never ever finishes a meal.

I’m not even sure why we feel the need to make sure we fill ourselves three set times a day. I was the lightest when I just ate to my Appetite. I’ve put on more weight by eating a bit more than I should at meal sittings...

I think it’s worth having a good look at your approach to food as well.

My friend has a child who would eat constantly (in her eyes) but she actually inadvertently has encouraged it by praising her for finishing her meals, and getting her to eat “just one more vegetable”, but on the other hand she doesn’t like her eating too much. There’s a lot of emotion around the dinner table, a lot of hovering about and as a result I suspect her dd eats loads as a result. Even the wider family praise the child and have always done for being a “good eater”, but the child loves eating. Mixed messages as a result!

Are you worried about weight gain in yourself? What have they said at weigh ins?

Both mine do gym and swimming.

Certainly in the earlier stages with the younger kids theres a degree of holding onto the wall waiting hour turn.

Gymnastics theres also waiting your turn unless theres a trampoline for everyone in the group.

Smaller kids though up to the age of 3/4 tend to go to things like soft play or baby gym sessions or toddler groups and those are the ones with the food which make it much harder to avoid everything being about eating.

It's a very lazy way of keeping kids occupied that involves little effort and costs very little for asda smart price quavers.

if people walked their kids to more of these things then it wouldn’t be an issue... I get the odd surprised look because I walk to things which actually only take about 15-20mins. That’s a good amount of exercise right there, before you even get to the class.

Yy iggly

It gets worse as they get older too. They would rather camp outside a school in their car for 40 mins than don a raincoat and some wellies and walk five mins down the road. And a mile wall is akin to child abuse

It gets worse as they get older too. They would rather camp outside a school in their car for 40 mins than don a raincoat and some wellies and walk five mins down the road

So true.

I think people don’t realise that actually the walking is much easier than getting in the car, finding a spot, then having to battle out with all the other driving parents.

I know people who drive their kids to school when it’s only a ten minute walk - and no they don’t have work to get to or anything like that 🙈

Snacks are bad if they stop you from eating proper food or are all crap. No problem with healthy snacks if she still eats her meal. She's not over eating, you are setting up a problem with food by making it a focus. I think she's hungry, poor thing
Take her to gp for reassurance to rule out or discover medical problem. If none let the child eat unlimited veg, plenty fruit, more protein and only limit sugar. Give wholemeal carbs and beans, pulses,eggs. Give much more food at meals

Please don't bandy about serious, life changing genetic conditions when you don't have any knowledge or experience.

I must admit, when I suggested it, I didn’t know much more than that overeating is a sign. But I do know quite a lot about serious genetic conditions as both I and my son have one, that took ages to be diagnosed as DS’s symptoms were brushed off and I was told he was fine for a couple of years before he was diagnosed. His dysmorphic features are very mild, and were missed until he had genetic tests, then the geneticist admitted there were a couple of borderline signs. So it’s not always as cut and dried as people are suggesting. Only a medical professional can rule things in or out, so my advice was to consult one.

Have you actually added up how many calories she is eating per day?

Your op is around 1000 cals BTW. Which is on the low side for an active 3 year old.

I have quite a hungry 2yo (between 75th and 91st centile for weight - he's always tracked this line) and I massively up breakfast. Peanut butter toast with a side of cornflakes and some fruit, porridge with fruit mixed in, scrambled eggs...I don't worry too much about portion size, I just let him fill up! And try to up protein as much as possible. I've found it really helps - he eats much less now at lunch and usually has his dinner but not stupid amounts nor does he want/need snacks after dinner, which he asked for before. I figure breakfast is the best meal to eat a larger amount since he is active all day plus I'm a big breakfast person - I always wake up starving and always have! He is chunky but always has been and he doesn't look fat so I figure as long as he isn't moving up the centiles (which I am concerned about given his love of food) then this approach works for us.

And while that isn’t a lot of food for a 3 year old, if she’s 10th percentile for height and 75th for weight, she’s pushing obese according to the WHO weight and height charts. So I think OP is right to restrict food and right to be concerned.

I agree with Petrichor - the posters saying she doesn't eat that much and their toddlers eat a lot more seem to be ignoring the fact that OP's DD is overweight (for her height). So OP is right to be worried.