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Original poster

I just walked out of work ffs

72 replies

Slightaggrandising · 18/06/2019 15:06

I've been performance managing a very poorly performing individual for a year. Today he's finally broken me. I told him I was going to take a task off him because I wasn't confident we would meet our deadline. He went straight to my LM who's now trying to make me give him even more responsibility. My ears started ringing and my heart pounding and I just had to leave ASAP.

I just can't do it anymore. I feel sick going into work. I feel sick if I see an email from him. The "big" boss still expects immaculate output from my department and it feels as though this individual is sabotaging me. I just can't do it anymore and I don't know what to do. Everyone tells me how bad the guy is but when I need support from them, it's never there.

HR are involved, the performance management process has escalated so is being reviewed at a senior level to decide on the outcome but that's months away.

I don't know what to do Sad

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 18/06/2019 15:08

That sounds awful. What is your LMs rationale for wanting to give him more responsibility?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 18/06/2019 15:11

Can you ask for a meeting with HR - your LM is failing you if they expect you to manage this individual but then give you no support to do so. They are standing in the way of you doing your job.
Have you got everyone's comments and reports in writing? Get all your paperwork together and go to see HR.

RatherBeRiding · 18/06/2019 15:12

Surely if you are following the PM process to the letter, and it's YOUR LM responsibility to do so, then your own LM can't interfere?

You need to involve HR straight away to clarify LM responsibility in this process and if you've literally just walked away from work, then you either need to go back and at least finish the day, or get a sick note immediately for stress.

And at some point you must have a serious discussion with your LM about this employee, his performance, and the whole performance management issue.

Original poster
Slightaggrandising · 18/06/2019 15:12

I honestly don't know and I didn't hang around for him to explain himself which I know isn't highly professional but I just couldn't.
HR have said the individual can't be moved roles until the performance management outcome is decided. I'm at a loss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Slightaggrandising · 18/06/2019 15:14

Oh cross posts. Sorry.
I'm at the GPs now, hoping they can see me at some point this week. Thanks Riding.

I have no idea why LM felt the need to intervene except that he's a very "nice man" so may have been trying to do my PM person a favour.

OP posts:
GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 18/06/2019 15:22

What would happen if you thought 'Fuck this for a game of soldiers' and handed in your notice?

Original poster
Slightaggrandising · 18/06/2019 15:27

Gimmie I'm almost there I think. What's making me sad is that this has ruined a job I've enjoyed for 12 years or so? I want to stay and I think I'm good at my job but this is absolutely ruining it.
Need to have a think about it.

OP posts:
EscapeTheCastle · 18/06/2019 15:35

If you can, go back to the office ASAP and put a game face on.

"Walking out" could be a mark against you.

Original poster
Slightaggrandising · 18/06/2019 15:42

Why does everyone put up posters/tweets/statuses about mental health yet when someone actually says "I can't cope, I need help" they shrug it off?

Why should I put a game face on & lay awake all night because my LM is weak? Why should I feel sick going into work because no one will put their money where their mouth is?

I don't really care about a black mark against me! I care that my whole life is being negatively affected because no one will Support me in work other than to tell me how bad this guy is.

OP posts:
EscapeTheCastle · 18/06/2019 15:47

Because sadly, speaking from experience, work is ruthless and it's your living.

You go back to work so you don't get into trouble.
You can't just walk out of work as you have described it to us here.

AuditAngel · 18/06/2019 15:50

I was once in a job where I was thoroughly miserable, promised I would never get in the same state again.

I think you need to approach HR for clarification about the process.

If LM thinks he can do a better job of PN, hand it over to him and just do your own job.

However I agree, managimg a pm is miserable.

Yukka · 18/06/2019 15:51

You don’t need to go back to the office today. However you should think about dropping your boss an email to say sorry for leaving but you felt completely unsupported and at your wits end. You should ask him for a meeting tomorrow if when you feel better 121 to talk about the situation and the HR process.

If the PM person is so bad he should be exited not moved roles. Discuss this also with HR, the process isn’t very effective if this has been going on a year. 3 months is usually the norm following action plans and formal meetings for poor performance.

Hope you feel better. What you experienced was fight or flight and the right thing to do is walk it off. You’ll calm down soon.

Atalune · 18/06/2019 15:52

Hand your notice in.

The won’t accept it. Negotiate something that works for you. And if they do..... imagine how light you’d feel.

I walked away from a job that I’d done for 11 years, my boss was intolerable. Best. B. E. S. T. Thing I ever did.

Beautiful3 · 18/06/2019 15:53

I would do what your manager said. Give him more responsibies then wait for him to not meet his deadlines and report to management and hr.

Soontobe60 · 18/06/2019 15:53

Your mental health and wellbeing has been affected by someone else's actions at your place of work. Shame on @escapethecastle for suggesting that you should go straight back to work.

GimmieTheCoffeeAndNooneDies · 18/06/2019 15:56

Working on Local Government in a dysfunctional department I am very use to seeing people just walk out (often after a spell off with stress) so it seems quite normal to me. One day some one is there, the next day gone...

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 18/06/2019 15:59

Fgs don't take the above advice to hand your notice in. Not unless you are seriously minted and don't actually need a job!
You absolutely cannot guarantee that they wouldn't accept your resignation.
That's seriously irresponsible advice up thread.
See your doctor. Get signed off for a while if necessary. Email your boss as advised and talk to HR.
What you need is for your lm to support you in doing your job, not have them undermine you. Maybe go home and write down what points you want to make tomorrow so you can be clear and not flustered. Keep it concise and unemotional.

Isatis · 18/06/2019 16:00

If your employers' performance management process is such that it leaves a grossly incompetent person in place for months on end, it's a ridiculous process. Do they really not have some sort of fast track procedure for someone whose performance is so poor that they are a major liability?

DotOnTheHorizon · 18/06/2019 16:01

Are you in the civil service?
If so, don't worry about walking out .....I've done it before. Once when I was so angry, I just needed to cool down and another time due to stress caused by a very similar situation to yours.

Does your work have an employee health helpline/assistance service - if so call them.....talking about how you feel will help and they can organise reports for your manager that set out what hep you need to cope better.

Following the performance management process is hard. Those on the outside see someone who is underperforming - they start to talk about how x doesn't do their job and how unfair it is. They don't see the conversations and interventions you are having with that individual, they don't know about the performance improvement measures in place and the work you are doing to get that person's performance turned around, because it's all confidential. It's damn hard, you need the support of your manager and their manager to do this effectively. It does take a toll on you and can impact your performance as you are expected to still deliver to the same standards despite having a poor performer.

Sometimes it takes you "breaking" for those higher up to sit up and notice. Don't be afraid to be honest with them about how you feel and the effect it is having on you. Hopefully with the support of your Dr, occupational health and your manager you can start to address your problem and things will start to look better.

camaleon · 18/06/2019 16:03

I would not hand my notice in right now. You are under a lot of stress and it is never the right moment to make important decisions. I'd back to work and send a polite email to my LM saying you need to think about the next steps and therefore you felt you had to leave the office instead of having a knee jerk reaction.

You cannot trust your LM (it seems) so it is not going to be a good person to show any weakness. Just keep as much distance as you can until you feel in a better place.

Good luck

camaleon · 18/06/2019 16:04

I would go back...

Tabitha005 · 18/06/2019 16:04

Performance management which has lasted over a year, to me, says there's something fundamentally wrong with the process and the policies surrounding it.

I would speak with HR immediately, get on the record that you feel entirely unsupported in your role.

I'd also get a consultation with an employment lawyer either in person or by phone. Simply leaving a role you've enjoyed for a well over decade prior to this because your line manager (and potentially the company as a whole) are not supportive or effective seems entirely unfair to me.

There should be a solution, with a satisfactory outcome for all involved to what sounds like a total mess of a process so far.

LemonTT · 18/06/2019 16:05

In your shoes I would email your manager and explain that you left because you were unwell and have been to see the doctors. Then confirm that you have received a diagnosis of Stress. I am assuming you will because that is what you have described.

Take some time off and then before you return meet with your LM and HR to explain the circumstances that lead to your illness and what they can and should do to help.

There is no need to resign or explain any further. There is no need to think about deadlines, LM or the PM person. Not today not tomorrow and not for a few days or weeks. Talk long walks and get fresh air.

Stop this post as it will just make you more het up.

Scorpvenus1 · 18/06/2019 16:05

Why does everyone put up posters/tweets/statuses about mental health yet when someone actually says "I can't cope, I need help" they shrug it off?

because people don't usually care, they pretend they do or say it cos someone they know has it, but yea they don't care

IWriteCode · 18/06/2019 16:08

I walked out of a job in a very similar situation.

Walking out saved my mental health, but with hindsight I would have done it differently as it sent my family for a spin and we had to quickly reassess our finances and adapt. When the big boss found out I was leaving she offered me a lateral move, but I was so burnt out by then that I just left. Looking back, I should not have allowed the situation to get to that point and I should have sat down with HR much, much earlier.

I feel for you.