I just walked out of work ffs

[Slightaggrandising]

I've been performance managing a very poorly performing individual for a year. Today he's finally broken me. I told him I was going to take a task off him because I wasn't confident we would meet our deadline. He went straight to my LM who's now trying to make me give him even more responsibility. My ears started ringing and my heart pounding and I just had to leave ASAP.

I just can't do it anymore. I feel sick going into work. I feel sick if I see an email from him. The "big" boss still expects immaculate output from my department and it feels as though this individual is sabotaging me. I just can't do it anymore and I don't know what to do. Everyone tells me how bad the guy is but when I need support from them, it's never there.

HR are involved, the performance management process has escalated so is being reviewed at a senior level to decide on the outcome but that's months away.

I don't know what to do

They shrug it off because, whilst they may have experienced great stress, they haven't yet met the stressor that just switches off / overloads their coping mechanism.

I'm not sure I agree with this, Or that they don't care. At least not about everyone. I think there are many circumstances where the folks up the chain are

a) are dealing with so much stress already they don't feel they can take on any more
and/or
b) have not been given the tools, skills or authority to deal with their direct report's stress in an effective way
and/or
c) may not realise that they are adding to the stress

I'm not saying any of those things are acceptable or that you don't also get people who don't give a monkeys but most people do care. Even if they are then ineffective at doing anything about it.

OP. In your shoes I would do a few things:

1. Send a note to your manager and HR acknowledging you walked out and explaining that the stress of the circumstance got to you. It's fine to say you are caught between wanting your team to deliver great results and dealing quickly and effectively with this PM situation.
2. Take time out, if you need it. Get signed off.
3. Think about specifics of what you need to do your job as you want to. That might be:

• your LM running the PM process to its conclusion
• your LM trusting you to do it the way you think best
• HR being more involved in the process
• greater clarification over what the next steps are
• regular catch ups with your LM and HR over the PM status, what's happened and what you (as a company do next)
• some recognition by the big bosses that you have an under performing team member and so output may be below parr until it is dealt with

1. Go and and ask, very clearly, for the things you need. Make sure to get clear answers on whether or not they will be provided and how. If they are not provided, be clear what the outcome will be. e.g. 'If HR are not involved more closely, then this process is likely to take several more months and the output from my team will be lower as a result.'

If you still don't get a satisfactory result, then look for another job.

Are they friends? Related?

If not, you need to tell your LM that this would jeopardize your ability to deliver, which you are not willing to do. But get yourself well first.

Don't resign though. That would let these 2 b**ds win.

@Isatis It can be incredibly hard to Manage someone out in the UK, and yes, unfortunately take a long time.

But then that's what protects employees unlike the US.

Who has enrolled this employee?
How high is the turnover in your company?

If it is the LM or HR then, maybe, they will do all they can to keep him. Firing him might have bad repercussions on their abilities to choose employees- especially if they have had to pay to a recruiting agency to get him.
So If I were you I would tread carefully. As at now, the best is that you take some days off (for stress-related reasons) and try to find out why is that they want to keep him at all cost. Do not hand in your notice. Why should you quit a job which you like? After some rest at home, the situation might be more tolerable at the office. Anyway if after some rest you still want to quit, then please make sure to find a good alternative first. Let them know -through rumors or directly- that you might leave and see how they react before you decide what you do...remember it is easier to find a job when you are already working. Good Luck!

Firing him might have bad repercussions on their abilities to choose employees- especially if they have had to pay to a recruiting agency to get him. Bad English. Sorry. I mean: the company might start doubting the HR and LM abilities to choose employees. That would reflect badly on them. I have seen it happening again and again: managers and HR driving mad a full time just so as not to fire a new team member which
they have recruited at great cost...

team* not time....

My honest first thought is that if your LM is trying to make you give this person more responsibility, then they aren't seeing what you are.

Stop covering their tracks, stop managing their inefficiency and let them balls things up. Even if it affects the rest of the team in the short term. Because it's had no consequences for this person, has it? Sometimes you have to play the game too.

OP - personally, I would write everything down that happened today while it is still fresh in your mind. And if/when you can, put together a timeline of when you have raised issues about his performance, with him, your LM, HR etc.

I would also recommend speaking to your union for advice.

Your LM either likes this person and is covering for him / her or they simply are not seeing what you are seeing, maybe you have been covering for them so well?

I agree with those saying you need to go to HR, your LM is sabotaging this process and that is not on.

Many years ago now, I ended up signed off with stress for 6 weeks after being broken by a seemingly insoluble situation where I received no support at all. I remember listening to my own voice as if someone else were speaking, and thinking that I sounded as if I were about to cry, but I wasn't crying. This was during a meeting with my immediate boss and an HR officer, when my boss told me that he wasn't able to discuss (the long-standing staffing problem we were meeting to discuss) with me.

I sat in my office for a short time after they left, then phoned the HR officer and simply said, "I'm going home now". She said, "Ok".

I went home, arranged to see my GP asap. He heard me out, told me my problem wasn't medical, that my problem was other people and that what I needed wasn't medication, but "time to be", and wrote me a line for "Work Related Stress".

"ReanimatedSGB

Is your useless underling shagging someone in management, or related to one of the bosses? The fact that he went bleating to your immediate superior suggests he thinks he's more important to the company than you are, despite being incompetent."
Hmm very good point. Be careful op

If you are sure you have followed all your workplaces performance management procedures fairly and consistently ie had regular 1to1 meetings, highlighted any concerns, addressed underperformance, set and reviewed reasonable targets , ensured skill gaps addressed etc etc then you have nothing to worry about. You have done your job.

I hope you have emailed your line manager and asked for a meeting to discuss . Stick to your documentation, don't accept "personality clash" as an excuse. I hope you are in a union, if so contact them ASAP.

I'm not sure I agree with this, Or that they don't care. I think those responses were to people in general, rather than OPs LMs or her specific case. Mine, quoted, certainly was.

Some really good advice on here. I’m really sorry you’re going through this OP it sounds rough. The only thing I could suggest in addition to what others have said, is try to avoid a ‘them or me’ situation and don’t threaten them with losing you. Keep your information as factual as possible when reporting to HR/LM. I had a colleague who did this (it was very petty, much more so that your situation) and senior management hated being backed into a corner and ousted him instead of the person he was complaining about. I now manage that person and all his points were valid, he just went about it in completely the wrong way.

Grievance procedure? I wouldn't normally recommend it because usually it doesn't work, but in your case you're on the point of resigning anyway so it can't do any harm. It might make them realise you're at the end of your tether.

Ok. Just got off the phone to GP who has given me 7 days sick leave.

@Seeingadistance and @CuriousaboutSamphire as well as everyone else, thank you for your posts they were very useful and relatable!

Yes, civil service. Incredibly painful processes. I had a chat with "big boss" who's very worried and whilst we can't move PM person, he's given him a side project to stop him "sabotaging" important project.

I'm now going to have a G&T and relax for a couple of days.

He's definitely not shagging anyone. He's more of a "mum's basement gamer" who seems entirely harmless which I suspect is why he is where he is. I don't dislike him, he's just incredibly difficult to manage and after 1000 cuts, I feel I've done all I reasonably can.

Sounds like a good conversation with the big boss. I am glad you have been signed off for a week.
When I took stress leave I sent a message to my manager and HR stating clearly that I needed a break from the stress so wouldn’t be checking emails or work related calls.

Give yourself a proper break and take care.

Thank you @ChazsBrilliantAttitude

We work with a lot of civil service personnel who are incredibly difficult to manage at the best of times, but performance management is even worse because they are practically unfireable (nothing short of actual murder I feel) which means that every attempt to give opportunities to support but almost end up demonstrating unsuitability for the role end with higher telling us to do something different/move them else where/try x y z ... it’s infuriating

If big boss is sympathetic to your situation, get him to speak to your lm who sounds clueless. Surely your lm is aware of how useless the guy is?

I was in a similar situation at my last job. It was horrific. Big boss seemed to be protecting the person I was performance managing, who was simply incompetent. My lm also just let her get on and fuck up all the time. A new big boss came in, first thing my lm told him was the incompetent person. I was like wtf, you’ve been ignoring this and letting me deal for years!! New big boss got incompetent person out soon afterwards.

Why does everyone put up posters/tweets/statuses about mental health yet when someone actually says "I can't cope, I need help" they shrug it off?

Quite right. The suggestion to put on a game face and go back is exactly why people are unhappy in the work place. Take care of you and go see HR to get it sorted.

You might not like it, but storming out looks unprofessional and childish, it makes YOU look bad. It weakens your position, makes it look like you don't want or cannot handle your job.

Unless of course you are powerful (and valuable to the business, whatever that means). Oh, and a man.

I have seen men storm out of meetings, situations, dozens of times. Nobody calls them weak.

valuable to the business, whatever that means
that means bringing high revenue for example? What do you think that could possibly mean?

Oh, and a man.

I have seen men storm out of meetings, situations, dozens of times. Nobody calls them weak.

You might not, but others do. No need to turn it into a gender war. If nothing else, a man not copying will appear even weaker than a woman.

Why do so many posters have such a huge chip on their shoulder? It's boring.