Is 40 (mother) and 46 (father) too old to have a baby? Anyone else this age when they had one?

[Toooldoryoungenough]

Not our first. 40 and 46 feels pretty old to be having a baby though . And I keep reading about all the things that could go wrong.

Anyone else do it at this age (especially interested in the man being 46). We are both very “young” for our age, I suppose. We look young are very fit and healthy. But it still sounds and feels quite old for a baby...

Anyone?

What difference does it make? If you want to try for a baby, just go for it!

Not too old at all

You'll get 101 anecdotes about how everyone has babies at 50 and they're all healthy and it went swimmingly, but the fact remains that fertility declines and that the risk of complications and disability increases (and now there's evidence that some conditions like autism, which you cannot detect prenatally, increase with both maternal and paternal age).

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff I think it’s because I have read too much scary stuff about sperm quality etc etc (great username btw 😂). I think I also want to know I’m not alone - my friends think I’m mad!

It's not 46 that's old to be having a baby, it's whether he will still be working and able to support a university student when he's in his late 60s. Of course, you can't know that now, but are his DPs in good health? Do you have plenty of money saved and/or in your pension pot? Those are the kinds of things I think I'd be asking myself, because if ill health or worse comes knocking, will you still be able to support this DC until s/he is around 22 years of age and old enough to leave uni and be independent?

Personally, I'd quit whilst you're ahead. You've both got children and it doesn't matter how fit and young looking you are, your eggs are 40. But, it's your call.

tuxedocatsintophats definitely worried about this. We are so lucky with our children. Don’t want to push my luck... yet cannot stop being broody!

I don't think it's too old. My mum was 39 when she had me, dad was 57, so much older than your DH/DP. I think it's a very personal thing but if you're generally fit and healthy, and aware of any potential issues with being 'older parents' then go for it.

I think it's too old, for him anyway. Looking at the future, it's going to be putting financial pressure on you both when you could be taking it easier. It wouldn't be a bad thing, and if you had accidentally got pg I'd say congratulations, but I'd not do it, personally

How old are your children

No it's not too old, and if it's what you both want, then go for it!

I'm 40 and my DH is 46. Our 2nd baby is due in the Autumn. We certainly don't feel too old! I know several women who've had healthy babies in their 40s. I'm not going to argue the toss with people who think it's too old and play up the risks. Childbirth is always risky - either you want your baby or you don't.

juneau financially we’re doing well. That’s unlikely to change. DP’s granny - at 101 - is still alive. His father is in his 80s and totally got his marbles and is fit and healthy etc. My family not doing as well as his.

tuxedo Quit while we’re ahead is kind of what I know we should do rationally. Irrationally, i’d love another baby! For no good reason other than that!

Our DC are 6 and 3

LittleAndOften congratulations! How are you feeling in this pregnancy compared to last? (Another issue is that I have horrible pregnancies. Not unhealthy or anything, I just feel sick all the way through.)

My husband was 48 when we had our first and 51 when our second was born. He is an absolutely fantastic dad. Both children absolutely healthy but he was/is a very healthy person.

I wouldn't risk it , you're already so fortunate to have two children .
If a third child had a disability think about how the older children's future would be changed.
I understand broody , believe me after the thousands we wasted on ivf treatments I understand that all consuming want but you already have everything.

Following. I would love another, and similar ages in existing family. DH doesn’t feel the same, and two is my mental health limit, but I like to dream!

I would break it down into a list of all the specific issues and see how you feel about each one. So, finances: what would it cost you and are you both happy with that? Energy: are you both willing to put up with broken sleep and the intensity of tiny ones again now your youngest is 3? How would you feel if you did get pregnant and miscarried, which is a slightly higher risk now? Ditto having a baby with a disability?

There’s no right/wrong answer to any of them of course, but breaking it down into specifics can make it easier to think through.

Dd was born 6 weeks before I turned 41. She's absolutely fine as is my Uncle who was born when my Grandmother was 40 and his cousin who was born when my Great Aunt was 43 as were my two Great Uncles who were born when their mother was 42 and 46 respectively (although the youngest went totally bonkers at the end).

That said, we were lucky and we had already decided we would abort if there was anything wrong picked up during pregnancy for dc1. We are currently on the fence about a 3rd (I'm almost 42), heart says yes, head says hell no.

Personally I wouldn't try for a baby at 40 but I do have a friend who had her second when she was 42, I believe her husband was late 40's. She did struggle despite being very fit and healthy. The children are now 12 and 9, she is 50 and just started going through the menopause....

Im 46 now and the idea of a baby at this stage is knackering.I would not be able to cope.

My youngest is 8,so i do have some idea of being an older mother.No i wouldnt do it.

@Toooldoryoungenough thank you! First trimester I felt sick as a dog just as I had with DS. I feel fine now, just the normal tiredness and ligament pain type things. I might be finding this pregnancy slightly easier (touch wood!) as I'm a sahm now, not working full time as before. Although I had chronic heartburn and restless legs before which haven't appeared so far, so this might just be an easier pregnancy. I am knackered though, but so far so normal!

I didn't intend necessarily to have dc2 four years after dc1 but I had 3 mcs in between so it was taken out of my hands. We were always committed to having 2 dcs so here we are.

@Toooldoryoungenough my mum was 39 when she had me and dad was 48. My siblings were teenagers and utterly horrified with proof that they still 'did it'

This was nearly 50 years ago when people didn't scare themselves by reading all the online scare stories and just got on with things...

No medical issues at all for any of us, although I must admit that growing up with older parents had its challenges for me but people get old older now (if you see what I mean) so I think if you're physically fit and mentally young this wouldn't have much of an effect.

Good luck, just do what feels right for you