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Original poster

Is 40 (mother) and 46 (father) too old to have a baby? Anyone else this age when they had one?

53 replies

Toooldoryoungenough · 18/06/2019 13:38

Not our first. 40 and 46 feels pretty old to be having a baby though . And I keep reading about all the things that could go wrong.

Anyone else do it at this age (especially interested in the man being 46). We are both very “young” for our age, I suppose. We look young are very fit and healthy. But it still sounds and feels quite old for a baby...

OP posts:

Kintan · 18/06/2019 14:35

I hope it's not too old OP as I had my first aged 39.5, and I'm pregnant with my second aged 41. My parents were 33 and 38 when they had me which was old for the late 70's but I never had any problem or felt any different from my peers due to having 'older' parents.

Megan2018 · 18/06/2019 14:39

I am 28 weeks on Thurs with first baby, I was 40 at conception, DH was 45 and we are now 41 and 46. Conceived easily, Harmony test and all scans good. Having a very easy time so far!

ElspethFlashman · 18/06/2019 14:46

I don't think 40 is physically too old. I was 41 with my last. These days it's bloody common tbh. I remember at one of my booking in appts, the clinic list was on the desk upside down in front of me and I noticed every second birth year was late 1970s. Made me feel a lot better!

THAT SAID

I haven't slept more than two nights in a row since. DH was in his mid-forties and it's the same for him.

We. Are. Shattered.

We completely underestimated the effect sleep deprivation would have on older bodies. We have aged a lot. We were pretty perky when we conceived. We feel old and haggard now. And go to bed at 9.30!

But it gets easier every month and we are optimistic we will regain our energy when they get more independent. We see it as short term pain for long term gain.

(But really don't assume you'll have an easy baby or toddler)

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Families

Emmapeeler · 18/06/2019 15:12

My great-grandmother had her first child at 40 in 1915 and lived to be 93. I know that’s an anecdote but thought I’d throw it in!

SherlockHolmesPipe · 18/06/2019 15:39

Do you want to be dealing with a little shite teenager in your 50s?

Kintan · 18/06/2019 16:02

@SherlockHolmesPipe if the OP is 40 and has a 3 year old and a 6 year she will be already be dealing with teenagers in her 50s anyway!

tuxedocatsintophats · 18/06/2019 16:11

You've already got two healthy children together.

That said, we were lucky and we had already decided we would abort if there was anything wrong picked up during pregnancy for dc1.

Very lucky because conditions like autism cannot be detected during pregnancy, there's increasing evidence the risk of it increases with parental age.

FrankT · 18/06/2019 16:15

Just do it! Not as if your older 2 are that much older.

juneau · 18/06/2019 16:15

Given the ages of your older DC it's not a huge deal IMO. If your DH has longevity and good health in his genes that's also a good sign. If you don't, is there anything you can do to make a healthy old age more likely diet and exercise-wise?

I live near London and know plenty of people who've had babies up until mid-40s. As long as you are healthy and financially secure then go for it, if you really want to. You will be exhausted, of course, but you bounce back eventually! There are loads of parents in their 40s and 50s at my kids' primary school. It really isn't a big deal from that perspective.

Troels · 18/06/2019 16:22

Dd was born when I was 42. We had a 16, 10 and baby. Loved it.

Turquoisesea · 18/06/2019 16:25

I think as you already have young children it wouldn’t be that different, but, I personally think the baby & young child stage is the easy bit although I didn’t at the time. I am 50 next year with an 11 year old & a 14 year old & for me the teenager years seem much harder especially as I am peri menopausal too. Also we now have elderly parents to consider who seemed to have suddenly aged in the last couple of years & need our help. All things to consider as you get older. Everyone is different of course but I am definitely much more tired than I was 10 years ago

ltk · 18/06/2019 16:29

You have young children anyway. So go for it. Wouldn't give it another thought. Even if it took you another year or more to conceive, the gap between your youngest now and the new babe will not be very large.

ltk · 18/06/2019 16:32

This last child will no doubt be the one to take you in and feed you in your dotage.

Very · 18/06/2019 16:33

You’ll be fine! DH and I were a year or so older than you two when our PFB was born. With age comes wisdom and also the desire to have a quiet night at home – it’s not like would rather be out clubbing!

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 18/06/2019 16:33

I’m on the fence myself about this as we want another DC and the aftermath of my recent CS means it’s off limits until 2022... the year I turn 41.

IMHO for the reasons given above, namely

risks of miscarriage
risks of abnormalities...
...and risk of having to terminate
risks associated with ASD/autism with older parents
not to mention sleep deprivation
and plundering the retirement fund to fork out for tuition fees

I’m nervous.

BUTTTTT between knowing that the medical risks are still low on the whole AND having a family history of later births AND later menopauses we’ll probably go for it.

All I’ll say OP is it’s a good job MN is a national forum as if you were in London this probably wouldn’t really be a “thing”.

But the risks remain. Personally my biggest question to concern yourself with before TTC would be risk of having to sell up/move if you had a third so please consider this and the impact on your other DC; especially the six year old.

anothernotherone · 18/06/2019 16:35

I think it's different deciding to have a dc3 at those ages. If you had no children it wouldn't seem too old to try, but as you have two then yes, quit while you're ahead does spring to mind...

It's not intrinsically too old as such - indeed you might die at 103 or 53, how can you know... but I probably wouldn't try for a dc3 at 40 and 46... If you were 40 and he was 36 I might... The combination does make a difference.

ProfessorofPerspective · 18/06/2019 16:36

We were 42 and 45 (DH), my 4th and his first. Been nothing but a positive experience.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 18/06/2019 16:37

Your two others are still little really
I had two babies after 40: just turned 41 and 42

40 is not too old to have another baby

YouSetTheTone · 18/06/2019 16:40

I don’t think that’s too old these days. I’m 40 and DH is 44. We have a 7 yr old, 3 yr old and am feeding 9 week old DS3 now...

We ARE knackered but I was the first time as well... We know things will improve with time so we’re soldiering on!

Pregnancy itself was fine, no different to previously. Birth was easier than second but not as good as first. All vaginal and no assistance, second two harder as they were back to back that’s all.
The extra monitoring was a bit of a PITA but my BMI was low and no other risk factors so my only extra risk factor was purely my age.

Definitely done now though!!

formerbabe · 18/06/2019 16:41

Do you want another baby or another child?

I love babies but don't want another child to look after. So I'm sticking at two DC as know the cute baby stage is short lived and then it's all soft play, packed lunches, homework, reading books, etc etc

dustarr73 · 18/06/2019 16:51

Plus so your dh is older but its not his body thats going to be carrying this baby.

suziedoozy · 18/06/2019 16:58

I’m 42, DH is 45 and we just had our first - very lucky with easy pregnancy / labour and baby. Baby was a surprise miracle after believing we could have any kids (been together since early 20s).

I wouldn’t change it for the world - I achieved everything career wise I wanted and we are financially secure. Yes it’s hard work but I reckon it would have been at any stage in life. DH has had to change plans for early retirement but wouldn’t change it for the world.

Do what feels right for you and your family

Xmasbaby11 · 18/06/2019 17:06

I think you're in a good position to have a 3rd dc and I'd go for it as long as you're comfortable with the increased risks.

Dd1 was born when I was 35 and Dh 46. She has ASD, which apparently is linked to paternal age. We don't have autism on either side of the family. I did know it was an increased risk but still didn't really think about it. It has been tough.

Now we are 43 and 54. Dds are 5 and 7 (asd). Dh is much more tired than in his forties. We both have elderly parents with health problems too. Many of our friendd have parents who help them, but for us it's the other way round and we need to support our parents more and more.

However I wouldn't change it - we didn't meet til later in life so it's not like we deliberately chose to have kids later.

Schrodangler · 18/06/2019 17:09

I was 42 with my DS and had just turned 45 when I have birth to twin DDs. I have younger, adopted children as well and by the time the youngest is an adult I will be 68.

UglyDucking · 18/06/2019 17:25

My mum was 42 when she had me and 46 when she had my brother.

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