Staff going to patient funeral

[greenebee]

If a relative of yours died, and staff from the hospital where they were cared for attended the funeral, would you find it distressing? Or think it a comfort/nice thing to do?

Iv been to the funeral of a patient. I genuinely cared for them and wanted to express that.
It didn't occur to me it may cause distress, in fact it still wouldn't.

It is fairly normal where I work for patients who had a strong relationship with a patient to attend the funeral. I don't think it's weird.

*staff who have had a strong relationship I should have said.

The manager of my Nan's carehome attended her funeral. It was lovely as they'd cared for her in the last few years of her life. Especially touching as she was a complete arse of a woman and made a lot of staff's life hell.

And also@greenebee whether you can personally cope with it.

As nurses our own emotional wellbeing changes all the time for different reasons.

Some things are triggering for me and i know that some funerals would impact on me for days , and others i can cope with.

Its also very important to look after yourself and give as much compassion back to yourself as you give out.

It took me years to learn that. It isn't selfish to look after yourself.

I was actually really hurt that no staff came to my grandma's.
When she was younger, she was so lovely and full of life. Ultimately she outlived all her friends so it was only family who came. It was such a small gathering considering how wonderful she was. She deserved better. I'm hurt that the staff only saw her as an old, fail, ill lady, not as the person she was. The person she had been for the 94 years before hand.
I know my hurt is unreasonable but I just wish she had more at the end. She shouldn't have died in that stupid hospice bed, she should have been at home in my grandad's arms, instead of alone. She was such a people person, the ultimate hostess. I wish the staff had of come, it would have shown that who she was still shone though. Instead she's just another patient they've probably forgotten.

At least my other grandma's carers came, they even painted her nails for her.

I have only ever gone to the funeral of one patient in thirty plus years of Nursing. It was a young girl who was 15 when she died and she asked me to go before she died. I was very young and it was my first job as a qualified nurse.

my mom's oncology nurse came to her funeral - even though she'd only known mom a short while. I was touched. The same nurse was my sister's oncology nurse (am not sure if she came to her funeral) and she is now my other sister's oncology nurse.

I’ve had experience of this having suffered the loss of a child and received a request from hospital staff to attend the funeral.

Our relationship was not positive in the end as the staff were not entirely honest about how ill our dd really was and when we discovered the truth it was incredibly painful and for want of a better word devastating, as up to that point we trusted them implicitly.

We specifically requested that they did not attend the funeral or send flowers despite them asking if they could do so.
Unfortunately on the day we arrived to find three staff present against our wishes.
We asked them to leave with the support of the funeral director, who I have to say was far more polite to them than I was in my grief.

The whole experience was just awful, it was a heartbreaking enough day as it was without additional stress and to feel that they disrespected our express wishes made it worse.

I would say that healthcare staff are fine to ask but should ultimately abide by the wishes of the family in such circumstances and respect their decision.

my last role as a community nurse i placed clients into care facilities.
attending funerals was part of the role and included as paid time.

I’m a teacher and sadly have been to the funeral of 3 students in my 10 year career.

My brother died 7 years ago today. He was 28.
I remember, as I sat by his bedside at Royal Marsden, one of his lovely nurses came to check his stats and wet his lips. I remember watching tears stream down her face as she stroked the hair off his face and said to me that she was so sad that we were losing him. She said he was one of her favorites.

It's been 7 years and I still remember her tears, her warmth for my family and grief for us. I would have been deeply touched if she'd come to his funeral (I've no idea if she did or not).

I hold those that work with terminally ill or dying people in the utmost regard.
To be close to those who are passing on, being strong for their families, for themselves, being a comfort in those final moments is an incredible gift and I thank all those who do this for others

ole99 what an awful experience, I'm sorry that happened to you.

I’ve been a hospital nurse for 11 years now and I have attended some patient funerals.
All of which to this day I remember their names and could tell you a story about them. Some patients and their families you just bond with and I think it shows upmost respect that their nurse attends their funeral

I've only been to one funeral when I was a nurse on an acute hospital ward. Three nurses went actually. That was the total sum of attendees plus the vicar and she was buried in an unmarked grave. Sometimes people lose family!

I think it would be ok.

I still remember the conversations I had with mum and her chemo nurses. They made such an impact on me and I think their conversations made mum’s chemo appointments that little bit easier.

Several of my sisters’s ward staff came to her funeral. She’d spent a year on the ward after a series of complications, and then spent a minimum of a couple of months on it for the 8 years or so before she died - and also had regular checkups, so she was very much known as a person as well as a patient (the fuss that the ward made to make sure dsis could get to my wedding still makes me well up a little).

We were very grateful for their presence.

I've been to several client funerals.
I only go to the ones who I dealt with regularly though. If my relationship with the family wasn't good (and sometimes it isn't ) then I don't go.

My DM’s two hospice nurses and her McMillan nurse all came to her funeral. They all took annual leave to attend.

They were amazing ladies, who really looked after my DM and had a real bond with her, we found it comforting that she had touched three people who weren’t friends or relatives enough that they wanted to come and pay their respects to her.

It depends, my nannas hospital consultant came as did a couple of nurses and her old gp (who had been her gp since the nhs was founded and had recently retired). But circumstances determine if it's appropriate, a patient who's in hospital for 6 months is very different to 2 days

The carer who came to my Mum's funeral didn't come because she was a favourite - my mum was difficult and violent due to Alzheimers. My Dad had carers in his home in his last year. They didn't come to the funeral but I expect it was because they were busy looking after other people and wasn't offended.

Another reason we stopped nurses going - we had a very busy team of community Macmillan nurses. Everyone was working flat out, staying late, generally exhausted.

One of the nurses went to every funeral of her patients. She loved it and said it was very special.

But she was also the one complaining the most about how she had no time, wanting the most overtime. As managers we had to point out that she was doing something that none of the other nurses were doing - the team had to be fair, and that it was preventing her from actually getting on with her job of seeing her patients.

We did also suspect that she loved going and being told how amazing she was

Some of my grandparents carers attended both of their funerals (6 months apart).

Their regular taxi driver (disabled cab) also helped carry my grandpas coffin.

It seemed only right, after all these people were a huge part of their life for almost 10 years.

They had attended family weddings with them, attended church with them every Sunday, been to tea at family homes etc.

We're eternally grateful for their love and care.

I have never been to a patient's funeral although some colleagues will attend if it is a long-term patient and we have had a good relationship with the patient and family. I assume that if the family wouldn't want us there, they wouldn't let us know when the funeral was. I always think about and remember those we have cared for and lost and will light a candle for them at my own church. Usually funerals have been on a day when I am working or have no childcare for my own children if I am not at work, but, if I am honest, I am not sure how well I would cope with remaining professional at a funeral (my patients are babies/ young children).

From a vicar perspective , there are often healthcare professionals at funerals. Regularly the family ask me to say thank you to them during the service.