Staff going to patient funeral

[greenebee]

If a relative of yours died, and staff from the hospital where they were cared for attended the funeral, would you find it distressing? Or think it a comfort/nice thing to do?

I’ll try again- you are my hero greenebee

When my Grandma died, she had been in a nursing home for around two years. She had visitors daily and we got to know the staff really well.
Her funeral procession left from my auntie's house fairly close to the home and the staff asked if we'd be going past on the way to the church. When we drove past the home, about 20 of the staff had lined up outside to wave her past.
Her main nurses came to the funeral but not the wake.
If I'm honest, the line outside the home is possibly the only thing that sticks out to me from the funeral and it makes me happy that she touched their hearts because she was an incredible woman.

I would be really touched if nurses came to my loved one's funeral.

When my Mum died her consultant write a lovely,lovely letter to my Dad.
They had been seeing him regularly for years,it meant so much that he took the time to write about her as a person and about how she had coped with her illness.He or any of the staff would have been welcome at her funeral.

I'd find it really touching to know they cared.

@DowntonCrabby ah thank you. We are not heroes, it is always a privilege to look after people through illness and at the end of their lives.

I don’t see how it would be distressing.

I am a pharmacist, and go to funerals if I have known the person a long time.

I was hugely grateful to everyone who came to my parent’s funerals. I would have been incredibly touched to have hospital staff there.

There were only eight of us at my great uncles funeral, myself, mother, dad, sister and brother in law, two staff members and a fellow patient. It meant the world.

I’ve seen it happen a few times and it has always been greatly appreciated by the family. It’s a sign that the staff recognised the deceased as a person and personality of value and not just Patient X with Y illness.

I'm an ex-HCP myself. When my dad died his community nurse attended his funeral which I thought was so lovely. His GP phoned my mum to say how sorry they all were for her loss and would try to attend the funeral as they really liked my dad. These seemingly small gestures are massive to a grieving family and give a lot of comfort.
My husband is a GP and has attended a number of his patients funerals. I hope he has given comfort to families too.

I'm a district nurse we often go to our patients funerals, if they've had carers they're usually present too. Most families find this a comfort we always ask though if they mind.

I would be extremely touched by this.

When my grandad died, the agency carers that came to his flat came to the funeral. We had never met them before, but he had spoken very highly of them, and they had 'got' his sense of humour. It was fantastic to meet them, and we had a good laugh about the way he spoke to them, he treated them the same as he did us family members. They obviously thought a lot of him, and he them. We were very happy to see them there.

I'd find it really lovey. I'd be happy that they cared so much and taken time out of their day to come.

You probably wouldn’t notice them but they are doing it out of respect for the person who has died
Thank them for coming if you do talk to them - it’s a very kind and respectful thing to do

Two of my Great Aunts carers came to her funeral... Their thoughtfulness was remarked upon by the family. ♥

When I worked in elderly care I looked after 'my' residents as if they were my own family members, I made some lovely friends with their family members who welcomed me to the funerals. I still remain friends with them years after they passed away. It was a great honour for me to be invited and to see those lovely folks onto their final journey, we would sit at the back or on the opposite side of family members and cried with them too. I have fond memories of each and every one of them.

Oh and I've just been to the funeral of a lady I cared for for almost five years. The family invited all the carers...💙

"it is hard to justify going to some and not others"

I think I agree with this point most. I'd find it sad if carers turned up for a funeral for the lovely, kind, jolly patient but not for the bitter, angry, annoying one.

They should all be treated the same.

Fair enough if it's equal, but I suspect it often isn't. (I come from a long line of bitter, angry, annoying people and have attended many empty funerals.)

I am incredibly grateful to the carers who looked after my mum in her final days. I think about them often, and she died years ago. What they do on a daily basis is incredible. I would have loved to see them at mum's funeral and would have felt so touched that they had made the effort.

Thank you for what you do, and all you give. You are a hero, greenebee

My DF came home to die, and had lovely carers - several sets who rotated. Most of them turned up at his funeral and it was very, very touching. It meant so much to my DM; a sign of how much they liked him. It was indeed lovely.

Do it when you feel compelled. It will be much appreciated.

I can see it might be hard to justify going to some and not to others, but I am a bit puzzled as to who would know to have to have it explained ? Unless you live in a very, very small town how would one family know who was at someone else’s funeral in the past and why they attended it? And even if you were challenged, surely the answer is,that whoever attended was very close to the deceased?

The exception to this would be very small, rural communities where people do know each other’s business and IME in those communities most residents would turn out for every funeral or at least wait outside to salute the cortège as a matter of course

I have been to funerals of my patients. Not many, but a few. One husband asked me personally to go, and asked me to go and see the embalmed body of his wife in an open coffin. Which I did.

He was upset that his children (adult) didn't want to see her. I was humbled. I have never known such honour and privilege as I have met in nursing.

I don't want to go to anyone's funeral. I am honoured to be there. I am amazed, always by the people I cared for and knew only a little about.

After losing some close family myself I hold even higher regard for this honour and how people think so highly of us for just doing our jobs to the best of our ability.