Staff going to patient funeral

[greenebee]

If a relative of yours died, and staff from the hospital where they were cared for attended the funeral, would you find it distressing? Or think it a comfort/nice thing to do?

When i worked in a care home i went to many funerals and it was always commented by families how much they appreciated us taking the time to attend

I wouldn’t find it at all distressing and would take comfort knowing people cared enough to attend.

I have 3 in total- one whilst on maternity leave as the family invited me. The others to show support for the family. Went with other health professionals to the service only.

The GP came to my friends funeral. It made me feel as though she genuinely cared and that my friend wasnt just another patient. It was a real human touch and it meant a lot.

My mum was a carer and went to several clients funerals. It was always appreciated and sometimes sadly the carers were the only mourners.

When my FIL who I cared for died I didn't cry, I read at the funeral and was strong, I saw all the relatives and was dry eyed. When the hospice nurse came at the end of the funeral I wept, it meant so much and I felt they really understood and cared for the person he had become not the person everyone else had came to say goodbye to. I think it's wonderful if you go to their funeral

My late father's favourite carer from the nursing home he was in for four years came to his funeral even although she didn't work there anymore and had to travel 100 miles to get there. Four other members of staff also attended. I found it a huge comfort.

One of the nurses who was looking after DH in the end of life stage came to his funeral. I didn't notice who was there bit she came up and hugged me after the service while we were looking at the flowers. I was touched. It was really nice of her.

I suppose I meant would it be distressing if you saw staff that looked after your loved one at the end of their life.

Not distressing at all.

Thanks all, I'm a cancer nurse and sometimes patients and their families have really had an impact on me, I've never known whether or not at attend a funeral and I haven't up until this point

My little girl is an oncology patient at present and my mum died of cancer 15 years ago.

Nurses are absolute bloody heros and I reckon most families would welcome your presence (although some may not notice through the grief).

Thank you for all you do ❤️

Staff from the hospice came to a relatives funeral, he had made a huge impression on them and they wanted to show us how much he meant to them. We were really touched, we knew he was special and it was lovely to know that other people felt so too.

I'm a community nurse and have gone to quite a few patients funerals over the years, it tends to be the ones where I've been very involved and got to know the family.

I've known GPs attend a patients funeral as well.

As someone who works in hospice/palliative care we generally have a policy not to go to patient funerals as 1) we have so many, 2) it is hard to justify going to some and not others and 3) you often become a focus of attention with family members coming to tell you how wonderful you are.

Our feeling is that we know our patients for a very short time and purely in the context of their illness and the focus should be on friends and family who have known them their whole lives.

Also obviously you like some patients more than others but it is hard to justify going to the funerals of the nice ones and not others.

I think it's almost always a kind thing to do and likely to be appreciated. The only time it might be better to stay away is if there had been some difficulties between staff and either the patient or the patient's close family.

when a friend of mine died, two of his carers came to the funeral and the wake, and they were very welcome, because they were on good terms with his widow and other close family.

I was so touched when staff from my mother’s care home came to her funeral

Nothing wrong with it especially if the Staff had built up a rapport, its calling paying your respects.

Staff from hospital and nursing homes came to mil and father's funerals. Thought it was a lovely gesture.

@greenbee I know a couple of people who have similar jobs to you, they do go to funerals and have had no issues with it causing problems.

I've been to quite a few funerals when I worked with a chronic illness population. Never been anything other than welcomed warmly.

My dad died after three years of leukaemia treatment. His consultant and the nurses who gave him his regular blood transfusions all came to his funeral. It was clear he had made an impact on them, they said as much, he was a big character. We really appreciated them being there. Reminded us how he made an impression on everyone he met

My mother died recently. She was living in a nursing home for the 3 months of her life.
6 people from the home came to her funeral. I found it very comforting that they cared that much to attend, so kind of them.

No, I would not and did not find it distressing at all, on the contrary.

No, I wouldn't ever mind this. I would feel its a lovely thing to do and that you treated my loved one as a person and not just a patient.

@DuMondeB I hope your little girl is doing well, I can't imagine what you're going through.

@AnnaMagnani very interesting points. Although I don't think we would have to justify going to a funeral to anyone, there are inevitably some patients that you build more of a rapport with than others. It seems most people on this thread have found it a comfort if a member of staff attends which is reassuring!

You are my hero greenbee