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Original poster

Should spouse stay home if SAHP is ill?

53 replies

Ncbecauseshesprobablyonhere · 13/06/2019 17:05

Talking with friend today and she’s very ill with flu (real flu! She sounds awful)
She’s got 2 under 4 and couldn’t even string together a sentence.
She’s asked her husband to take the day off work to watch them tomorrow. He’s refused as he is not ill himself and she needs to suck it up. She has no one else to ask.
He works in sales so it’s not a life saving job.

So what do you think? should he take the day off or should she suck it up?

OP posts:
paddington34 · 13/06/2019 17:06

He should take the day off of course. Your poor friend.

CassianAndor · 13/06/2019 17:06

He should take the day off to look after the DC as she can't. That's what being a parent is!

sleepwhenidie · 13/06/2019 17:07

Real flu is horrendous. I would want and expect Dh to stay home if I was that ill, unless there really was a critical reason not to!

Hollowvictory · 13/06/2019 17:07

We would explore other options first eg extra day at nut but if not possible then yes dh would take day off. I've never had flu bit I've heard it's horrendous. I would not marry a selfish idiot though, unfortunately your friend did!

Hollowvictory · 13/06/2019 17:08

Extra day at nursery

mindutopia · 13/06/2019 17:08

It depends on if she is able to safely care for the children and also if there is a genuine risk of infection to the children that should be avoided at all costs. Flu, if it is really flu, can be fatal in under 5’s. If their children aren’t vaccinated, then yes, he definitely should be minimising the amount of care she has to do so that they don’t get sick as well as it can be very serious. A little bit of cold, no, you just muscle through.

stucknoue · 13/06/2019 17:08

It depends on their work, most companies do not even like employees taking time off if their kid is ill.

PaquitaVariation · 13/06/2019 17:09

He should arrange for the children to be looked after, whether that’s him or another family member or an emergency childcarer.

Sandybval · 13/06/2019 17:10

He should, but it's not always that simple. Most places require notice if you want annual leave, and if he takes a sick day he might hit his triggers if/when he is poorly and can't go in. Yes your friend is expected to work when ill but guessing he needs the job to support the family (both equally important btw but you need money to pay the bills!). It absolutely sucks and isn't fair I agree though.

Twooter · 13/06/2019 17:11

I would expect the dh to go into work but try and leave early while the sahp lies in the sofa letting the kids watch CBeebies all day.

Quartz2208 · 13/06/2019 17:11

real flu yes of course I have had it my Dad fortunately was around and had to take on a lot in the time I was ill

Cold/mild virus no probably not

DId he use the words suck it up though that is awful and clearly is not a man who has had real flu!

Settlersofcatan · 13/06/2019 17:14

He should take the day off. I would offer to pick her up when he gets home from work and take her somewhere to recuperate so he is forced to do something.

timeisnotaline · 13/06/2019 17:14

He should take the day off. Otherwise he is saying she never gets sick leave and he does and if he really thinks that then could you really stay married to him? It’s tough but he is her sick leave.
If he is actually at work she should text him so much for marriage vows or basic love and care for each other. You are deliberately choosing to put your children in harm as I can’t safely care for you, I wouldn’t cross the road to piss on you if you were dying given how you’re treating me.

Sandybval · 13/06/2019 17:16

Bit dramatic timeisnotaline!

EsmeeMerlin · 13/06/2019 17:16

He should take the day off because she has asked for help. I would be very tempted the next time he is ill to bugger off out leaving the kids with him just for a little bit so he knows how hard it when you are really ill and looking after children.

Hollowvictory · 13/06/2019 17:19

There is incorrect info in this thread from @stucknoue and @Sandybval as all employees are legally untitled to unpaid dependents leave in this case.

newmumwithquestions · 13/06/2019 17:19

Yes he should. Not if she is just a bit under the weather, but for proper flu definitely.

Sandybval · 13/06/2019 17:21

I would doubt it classes as an Emergency in honesty @hollowvictory.

happymummy12345 · 13/06/2019 17:23

My husband wouldn't be able to take a dh off just like that. Only if I physically couldn't look after ds myself. Otherwise I get on with it

Silversky70 · 13/06/2019 17:24

It would be classed as emergency leave and could be paid or unpaid.

He's an absolute knob.

In effect she is ringing in sick from her job as sahp.

Hollowvictory · 13/06/2019 17:26

@Sandybval yes it does if a dependent is ill in fact it specifically mentions that in the regs.
www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/whats-an-emergency
Please don't give incorrect advice on your 'opinion'!

Bumpitybumper · 13/06/2019 17:26

Of course he should take the day off. If she says she has the flu and can't look after the kids safely then this should be accepted to be fact. I hate the way people sometimes act as though a SAHP is incapable of distinguishing between a serious illness and a minor ailment and that they would happily jeopardise the WOHPs career/income through asking them to take unnecessary time off work.

Hollowvictory · 13/06/2019 17:27

Happy mummy one could reasonably assume that flu renders one unable to look after a child.

Sandybval · 13/06/2019 17:27

It must depend where you work, as unequivocally this wouldn't (unless you lied of course) count anywhere I have worked.

HJWT · 13/06/2019 17:27

If he wouldn't go to work ill why should she ? Being a SAHM is a full time job! The pic