7 year old behaviour at school - help/ideas?

[JurassicGirl]

My ds is almost 7 (yr 2 summer born) & his best friend moved school at Easter.

Ever since his behaviour has been getting worse. He cries that he misses him :( they've kept in touch & had weekend playdates which I hoped would help & it has made him happier & more himself but he's constantly moving his name down at school on the behaviour chart, losing playtime & is now at risk of not going on the end of term trip.

For context & to make myself feel better I have 2 older dc (DD10 & DS9) & neither of them have ever behaved like this.

He's doing silly things like throwing toilet roll around with another boy in the bathrooms, pushing/hitting other children.

He's also really struggling with his work, reading, spellings, writing etc

On the whole he seems unhappy & we usually have tears & apologies after school.

He's better at weekends & has a very genuinely kind personality doing things like if someone drops their sweets he immediately offers his own. If he choses something like a purple sweet & someone else says they wanted that one he will give it to them etc (not all about sweets!)

My DD lacked confidence 18 months ago so we started her at a dancing class & she is flourishing & is so much happier & I'm wondering if anyone has any ideas of some positive things we can try to help him? He already does swimming lessons.

I'm going to speak to his teacher tomorrow & ask their advice but other than behaviour charts etc what we can do?

The main thing for you to do is find out the “why” and then come up with a plan to help your child.Ask him what happened and tell him you want to help him to do better tomorrow. Talk with him calmly and ask for his input about what would be helpful. Using a problem solving approach may make him more willing to talk about it. Sometimes kids are able to clearly explain what went wrong and sometimes the solutions are simple.
If he isn’t willing to talk, don’t press him too much. Instead, when he has a good day, ask him for the secret to his success. You might gain insight into what helped him and you can use that information to encourage him to keep up the good work. He may also be more willing to open up if you ask him a positive question first. E.g. If you could make school any way you wanted, what would it be like?
You could try getting up a bit earlier to carve out some relaxed time with your child as the day begins; a little bit of snuggling or playful cuddling in the morning can set him up for a better day. He'll go to school feeling more connected to you, and a little sturdier when he encounters a trigger that usually sets him off.

Thank you for replying

Some good tips about asking about a good day, he came out with a sticker a few days ago for being good so we made a big fuss of him but yes I could have asked what made it good etc. Will remember that for next time.

I've got appointment to talk to his teacher on Monday so hopefully he'll be able to help.

He's friends with a lovely little girl who's quite quiet & he's an angel with her.

I think it's when he's really missing his friend who moved school that he gets silly & caught up in the moment & doesn't know when to stop. The pushing & occasionally hitting seems to only happen with other boys who show similar behaviour.

He also keeps saying school is boring & I'm wondering if he's struggling more with the work than I've realised so I'll bring that up with his teacher.

He's a very cuddly boy & mornings are not particularly rushed & all the dc usually have a bit of playtime before school. He doesn't seem upset going in. I'll ask if there is any pattern to his bad behaviour - time wise.

Lots to think about!

There's a boy S in my DD(7)7's class having this exact problem. The two boys were always friends, small class they pretty much paired off. Now the boy has left and S is having the same issues. Also resorted to playing the clown!

His mum has said she thinks it's very much a jostling for position in the class and them all getting used to the boy not being there. I can only suggest inviting others from the class to play. Clubs out of school can also be good, martial arts are supposed to be good for confidence, if that's taken a hit.

Has he had his eyes and hearing checked recently? Just wondering whether something like that might be holding him back with his work and he's clowning around to mask it.

As an extra to other pp's Would he like beavers? There's a mix of dc's from our school & other local schools so ds has time with some of his classmates and gets to know other children as well. Similar at cricket in the village where we live if it ever stops raining

And at beavers they are quite strict on behaviour, listening etc

He's probably wanting to show that he's miserable, poor thing - unfortunately my DS also used to use similar behaviour (though less disruptive) to let everyone know he was upset.

Given that he's obviously had a big loss, I wonder whether school would consider a positive rewards system, rather than him getting in more and more trouble, which is just going to make him feel even more.fed up. This worked really well for my kid - review behaviour every small session of the day....3 marbles for any session where no reminder needed, 2 when one reminder, 1 for two reminders, and then a little treat like a board game/activity with a friend whenever the jar gets filled. Will just make it a more positive experience while he's feeling wobbly, but still hold the boundaries.

And if he does misbehave at school, I'd have a firm chat at home but leave the consequences at school, and be there to give him comfort instead.

It may sound a bit soft, but will prob help him get over these hard feelings better than coming down hard on him.

Ps actually, school sound a bit shit. They shouldn't be using the end of term trip as a punishment, esp where they know he's had an upheaval. I'd really emphasise to them that it'd be better to take a positive rewards approach.