Help me explain non-binary to my mum

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Someone we know had come out as non-binary. The who doesn't matter. My mum can not get her head round this and keeps asking me what the difference between being non-binary and being bisexual is. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her the two things aren't related, she still doesn't get it. I'm not saying I have the best understanding but she's driving me slowly insane.

Can anyone help explain in words of one syllable or less why the two things aren't connected?

I would not spend another minute trying to explain the inexplicable and would instead refer her to the Fair Play for Women website so that she can take a look at the issues arising from gender self-identification, in particular how it erodes women's rights.

Most people here are so right. It's essentially nonsense.
It's someone who just likes to confuse people and draw attention to themself by changing whether they decide to act as a he or a she on a certain day whist saying they're a neither.
Just tell you're mum your friend has decided to ignore their actual gender and decide to act as if their neither and you just have to humour them nicely. it's become a fad.

Bisexual is who you go to bed with. (can be either male or female). Non binary is who you go to bed as (ie: you identify as neither male nor female, but somewhere on the gender spectrum). It's your sexual preference as opposed to your gender identity. Hope that helps.

Have to admit I can't grasp being non-binary because I don't believe anyone is actually binary anyway. All the bits of someone they think make them non-binary are surely just their likes, dislikes, aspects of their personality etc

Exactly picklec it's just a fashionable way of saying personality

Pachyderm has it.

A short answer would be "attention seeking and boring".

I'm surprised no-one so far has included "having blue hair" in their definition of non-binary.

Let her bang on about it in incredulity. It's an entirely reasonable response. I'm not aged (not much) and I can't get my head around it either, possibly because the entire gender identity parade is internally inconsistent and nobody seems able to give a coherent explanation.

Just tell her 'because' which is pretty much what the rest of us are being told. It makes about as much sense as anything else.

I would like to think I'm gender-non-conforming. Like every other sane woman I know who rejects outdated sexist stereotypes.

Bisexual is a label for someone's sexuality
Non Binary is a label for someone's gender, and means that they're neither male nor female but somewhere inbetween

The way to remember the difference is that sexuality is who you want to go to bed WITH, whereas gender is who you want to go to bed AS.

Non-Binary to me is a person who has traits/likes which are seen as belonging to the other gender but instead of realising everyone has varying degrees of 'male' and 'female' to their personalities, thinks it makes them a completely different entity.

I go to bed with a heap of books, does that make me a librarian?

Tell your mum that I don't get it either. She doesn't need to "get" it. She just needs to carry on treating the person concerned in the same way as she always has.

She doesn’t need to “get it”. She just needs to use the name and pronouns the person wants, and be as polite as she always is.

Tell her you don’t want to talk about it any more .

Attention-seeking bollox.

She doesn’t understand it because nobody does.

Sex IS binary! No animal is "somewhere in between"! Maybe seahorses?
And gender non binary just means. .having likes or dislikes that don't fit in with a very rigid idea of what men or women like or don't. Which is most people.

Good grief, what a lot of 'lovely' people there are in this thread..

Avocado and Bertrand have it. One is about sexual orientation, one is about gender.

Tell your mum she doesn't HAVE to understand it, she just needs to accept it. This enby (non binary) person's identity is not harming your mother, she should be considerate and polite instead of banging on. Alternatively she should do her own research until she does understand. There are plenty of Pride organisations who will be able to send her literature if she actually cares about understanding instead of just banging on without actually trying.

*she just keeps saying 'I don't get'.

Who does? It's gibberish.

Tell your mum she doesn't HAVE to understand it, she just needs to accept it

Yes, that's an excellent approach to life. If something doesn't make sense or defies logic, just shut up and accept it.

Yes.. if something doesn't actually impact you at all, and yet makes someone else happy - accept it and be kind. It's not that hard.

It doesn't defy logic at all.

Just tell her it's bullshit and the person is an attention seeker.

... Apparently it is that hard for some.

OP I suggest the reason she keeps talking about it is because you think you have explained it to her but you haven’t, because you don’t understand it yourself. (Because it’s nonsense.)

Tell her, yes I know, I don’t understand either. And then you can drop the subject.

@Damntheman

Yes.. if something doesn't actually impact you at all, and yet makes someone else happy - accept it and be kind. It's not that hard.

It doesn't defy logic at all.

Personally, I won’t be accepting any kind of self indulgent clap trap.