What kind of fucking "father"

[Fluggers]

Sorry for the rant

My (thankfully) ex DH lives in a different country. An hour flight, serves in the military..

Wee DS age 4 is a fashion accessory to him. He refuses to pay for him, doesn't text to ask about him..

ExDH occasionally stops by to see him for an hour to get a selfie for social media

He comes home to our country on average once a month, but since getting a new girlfriend has been home every single weekend for the last six weeks

Not once has he seen the child

Fuck my heart is aching for my baby. The rejection. ExDH doesn't even know which primary school he's been enrolled in 🤷🏽‍♀️ just doesn't care, doesn't care enough to ask. If I try to involve him I just get told to fuck off

I am sobbing tonight for my wee son. He has a wonderful male role model in my DP and is fully included with his own children; fuck sake he was sick recently and my DP landed over with magazines and sweeties

Not even a text from that other one

Sorry for the mindless ranting 🙁 I can't make his dad be a gooden, but I'm so afraid of the issues my child might have in the future 🙁

OP please don't expect ExH to change. He won't. Ever.
However he might start to fake interest in DS to use it as a way to control you at some point in the future.
Be very wary

Get a chain or two on ALL of your exterior doors too, so that if he knocks he cant just push past you when you answer the door.

"Surely if ex is in the military it doesn’t matter where he’s living as he’s being paid by them? Get onto CMS Op. I would imagine the military would take a dim view of his having to be forced to support his own child."

"I thought the military had a good reputation for ensuring their employees abide by CMS?"

😂😂😂😂😂😂

My ex is army also. They're very obstructive in their dealings with cms. Stay on the right side of the law (just) but yes much dragging of heels...

All those claiming otherwise have you got ex's in paying cm?

The military equivalents of mn are also full of serving men advising each other on how to avoid paying! And how to keep army sweet despite not paying too.

Op I'm so sorry you're going through this its utterly heartbreaking.

My advice would be pursue cm if you wish but don't bank on it, don't pursue contact in hopes ex will lose interest altogether very soon - I wish I'd done that. Instead I bent over backwards until it was no longer possible/dd asked me not to at which point ex quickly lost interest. Now dd is lucky if she gets a genetic birthday card a week late!

All those claiming otherwise have you got ex's in paying cm?

The military equivalents of mn are also full of serving men advising each other on how to avoid paying! And how to keep army sweet despite not paying too.

Wonder if it depends on service then. My ex has been kept in line by a word from his bosses that if I called the welfare dept again or if I had to get a DOE they’d be ‘unimpressed’ (and when they were unimpressed by something else he did unrelated it involved lots of extra early morning starts or shitty jobs for a period).

The ex wife of his best mate was in the same boat and had the same response. The wife of someone else was helped and supported massively after a DV incident and his career stalled for a long time after it.

Get into the habit of locking the door. Always. It will help you to take back control and lock this arsewipe out of your lives.

If there is any possibility that your ex has a key to your house then get all of the locks changed pronto, and still lock the doors, even when you are in.

All doors always locked. I live in a nice safe area. I still keep the doors locked.

Definitely start by locking the door. I think the door locking depends on where you live and your life experiences. I lock mine because I had an abusive ex and lived in a rough area for years so door locking became a habit.

We always lock the door when we're in. We have a security door too which we can lock and then leave the main door open to create airflow through the house (live in Aus). We live in a nice "safe" area (in so far as anywhere is safe) but I just feel that if I or my family are home I don't want anyone being able to enter the house/open the door without our permission. It's actually more important to me that it's secure when I'm in the house than when I'm out - I can replace belongings if they're stolen when I'm not here. Definitely start locking the door and doing what you can re maintenance and setting firm boundaries.

I live in a tiny village in Bedfordshire and never used to keep my door locked.

Then one day I walked out to the utility room to find a young man in my hallway going through my handbag. Fortunately he crapped himself when he saw me and ran out so I always keep my door locked now.

If I was in your position and there was even the slightest chance of this wanker walking into my house, I'd def get into the habit of locking my doors. And your son does not need such a negative role model in his life so he will do better without him. This arsehole does need to pay for him though.

The police did a campaign in our area by opening the front door and shouting police. It made people realise that you are leaving yourself vulnerable to having anything from the hall stolen which usually involved car keys and handbags.

People were saying but this is a nice neighbourhood and the police said that is exactly why you are being targeted

I always lock my front door when I am in. Rape and murder happen. Daily. God knows what someone could do to you in the privacy of your own home.

Some people have bio Dads who are still with the Mum who are just shit. You have a lovely DP who is present in your son's life.

I think if it were me I wouldn't make your son so available to him. Which is worse - a father who drops in and out and fucks with your head and your son's or just an absent father? I might be wrong but I think the former is worse. It would be tempting to move house. If he really wanted to see his son he would apply through the courts for access.

@Ploppymoodypants I would suggest you get out a bit more if it “shocks” you that people don’t want randoms wandering into their houses. Criminals wander round trying door handles, go in, grab whatever’s near, then go out again. They won’t clear the house out, just grab bags/keys/wallets/laptops that are nearby then scarper.

I don’t understand why people act like it’s a point of pride that they don’t lock their doors?

@lyralalala similar here. RAF were not amused by friends ex refusing to pay CMS voluntarily OR his DV charge.